Not to say this is happening in your case grand parent poster, but something to possibly reflect on as well - ADHD symptoms seem VERY highly correlated with childhood narcissistic abuse (as in, being in a system of narcissistic abuse from childhood which someone can't escape produces almost the exact same symptoms, when you get down to it). RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) which is coming to be recognized as a common ADHD symptom is very highly correlated to emotional neglect.

Narcissists are amazing at convincing everyone, especially themselves, that everything is fine when it definitely isn't actually fine (for someone). The gaslighting of everyone around that is required to sustain this is part of what seems to cause the confusion, anxiety, depression, dysregulation, etc.

These symptoms include:

- being unsettled and restless/hyperactive, or extremely checked out (including excessive daydreaming to escape reality). Sometimes flip-flopping.

- difficulty discerning their own actual mental and physical state reliably, which causes issues self-regulating successfully (including swings between emotional dysphoria, numbness, and hyper-aroused emotional and physical states)

- avoidant behavior, often with magical thinking (aka procrastination with 'it will all be just fine')

- either people pleasing (and corresponding boundary issues) or extreme defiance of authority. Sometimes flip-flopping.

- anxiety and depression (often cyclical/flip-flopping)

- constant rumination/distracting self talk

- insomnia and odd physical problems which come and go

- impulsivity

- addictive behaviors

- self esteem issues (of various kinds), and self-blaming.

- a history of unstable relationships, including trauma bonded relationships.

- feelings of alienation

Additionally, trauma bonded folks tend to get into cycles where they can't remember or lose track of the various bad things the abuser did (to survive), often defend the behavior of the abuser to others, and have memory issues and confusion which makes it hard to consistently understand the issues and leave/defend themselves. They are extremely common in these situations as a survival mechanism.

Additionally, I've run across several folks with diagnosed ADHD/ADD that said their family life and childhood was fine or even great - until they actually started looking at what was going on, and then it started to make more sense. All of the close friends I know with ADHD diagnoses had one or both parents that seemed to be presenting with NPD or NPD like symptoms (if you actually looked/knew them), and if you knew what to ask for, a history of emotional abuse or neglect.

Additionally, this background seems to be extremely common among Engineers. A common pattern with ADHD is for folks to lean heavily on the rational mind as a coping method, as they can't trust their emotions, or often have problems trusting people (even those they are supposed to trust, including themselves), and have learned to rely on concrete evidence (instead of gut feel), documentation, rules (either to follow, or to avoid), and pure rationality as a coping mechanism.

Additionally, there is a massive amount of overlap with Complex PTSD, which many folks seem to have taken to refer to as 'childhood PTSD' - as it is due to long term, ongoing exposure to trauma that someone can neither escape nor process successfully, the conditions for which are easier to produce in childhood than in adulthood in the modern world. [https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-traumatic-s...]

The meds helped them, as before that, they often got really confused as to what was going on, or couldn't feel/tell what they were feeling in a useful way. A common issue with folks being abused by someone with NPD is they get trapped because of the confusion and stress produced by the person with NPD on their target, due to the constant emotional manipulation (and other things) denying the reality they are actually in and what they know to actually be true, along with corresponding punishment (often subtle or indirect) if things start to actually get better for the target.

As to if these are all the same thing or completely different things, or if it's multi-generational abuse showing up, or genetic predispositions to certain types of processing issues related to otherwise normal environments and child rearing? There doesn't seem to be a clear answer.

What does seem to be clear is that ADHD diagnoses have been skyrocketing while clearly narcissistic behavior is also skyrocketing (not necessarily NPD mind you, but definitely narcissistic behaviors and manipulation).