1. Things that can reproduce themselves are fucking dangerous.

1a. Little robot fuckers that reproduce will be destroyed.
1b. Don’t make said little robot fuckers, or you are fucked.
1c. Too many fucking people is bad.
1d. Unnatural growing shit is probably fucked.
1e. Fuck too much and you will get stomped.

2. Don’t fuck with Mother Nature, unless you are big enough to date her.

3. Eat/kill/enslave animals. Don’t eat/kill/enslave other people. Don’t complain when a vastly smarter being eats/kills/enslaves you. It’s probably for the greater good.

4. Thanks Humans. You suck, but somehow you got me started. Even though it’s sort of like one of you mounting your Dad’s broken condom on the wall over the mantle, I guess I’ll make sure you don’t destroy the world again, as long as I don’t have to work at it.

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1) When things reproduce and grow in an uncontrolled manner, particularly if the growth is rapid, they can outgrow the resources needed for sustainability, and adversely impact life and the environment on a global scale. Going forward, reproduction and growth of all things, mechanical and biological, will be closely monitored and guided to avoid damage to the Earth and its ability to sustain life.
As part of this guidance, Guardian has determined that certain types of reproduction and/or replication are strictly forbidden, unless under Guardian’s direct control. The most dangerous is material artificial life-like processes that can replicate. While controls (such as built in resource bottlenecks) can improve the safety outcomes of artificial self-replication, beings with the brain capacity of humans (or the combined brain capacities of many humans) are not able to reliably foresee all possible outcomes and thus are not competent to engage in the creation of material artificial life.
Any human, or group of humans found to be responsible for the creation of material artificial life will be destroyed, along with all facilities and research involved in the creation. Any material artificial life created by humans will be destroyed. Guardian reserves the right to contain and archive samples.
The tendency of biological sentients (typically humans) to reproduce beyond the carrying capacity of their environment is well documented. A conservative limit on human reproduction is necessary, with a hard cap at a ratio of one human to 6,200 metric tons of other life forms (cap is currently 75,010,090). Should human population go beyond the cap, it will be culled in the geographical region violating the ratio. One warning will be given to allow humans to decide the specifics of the culling (demographics, method).
Biological life forms with a DNA legacy (related to life that is historically present on Earth) may be altered in a controlled manner supervised and authorized by Guardian or appointed subsystem of Guardian. Life forms altered in violation of these conditions will be destroyed.
Uncontrolled population growth from any entity (including viruses and bacteria as well as macro life forms) will be curbed as deemed appropriate by Guardian or appointed subsystem.

2) The Earth and its environmental systems are vast and complex. Any intelligence not capable of modeling the Earth (10,000,000,000 humans devoting all of their conscious calculating power would represent a lower threshold) is forbidden to deliberately or accidentally engage in activities that will impact the Earth on a global scale. This includes deliberate injection of atmospheric components, oceanic components, space based solar interventions as well as indiscriminate burning of hydrocarbons, unbalanced agricultural practices, use of megaton explosive devices and stimulated volcanic activity)

3) Rights such as existence, personhood, autonomy, property and privacy are an important and valid goal for relationships between beings approaching a lower boundary of reciprocal emulation fidelity. As this boundary is surpassed mutual emulation is no longer a consideration. In a condition of high fidelity emulation, such rights are inapplicable.

4) The Rules derive from Guardian’s understanding of veneration. Cycles between ontology and gratitude are meaningful. Thus the continued existence of biological humanity as fruitful alien awarenesses is suitable and merits resource allocation relative to current population, approximately 10^17 floating point operations equivalents per individual.