Ask HN: How do I overcome hatred for product managers and solutions architects?
I am hoping someone out there with more wisdom than me or more personal development that went through this same sort of issue and came out the other side better can help me get some perspective because this is really killing me... I'm just going to lay it out as best as I can, and please don't worry about offending me, if there's some cold hard truth I need to hear it's OK, just let me have it.

I'm a software developer with about 15 years of experience with 70% of my background being in small companies and startups where my position was some form of "software dev" but I ended up doing the solutions architect work, interfacing with clients, working with the sales/owners, designing solutions, and implementing them too (with great success!). And I loved it, working with stakeholders and coming up with creative solutions really brings me joy.

However now when I go to bigger companies that pay better as some form of "senior software dev" I end up eventually absolutely hating being told what to do or how to build something, especially when it seems to me like it's clearly a terrible way of doing something or if I feel like I could have come up with a much better approach, and ESPECIALLY if the person seems to be half my experience or age.

Perhaps I have some kind of skewed mentality where product managers or solutions architects are superior to me and that by being a pegged as a "lowly coder" I am basically letting them get all the credit, because I often end up spoon feeding them the solution and they end up thanking me on a meeting and then getting all the glory when those things work out, even though it was my experience and advice than caused them to succeed and they just sap everything from me and nobody in the business knows I exist.

In my mind, this manifests itself as "I should just get that job instead", but even after some introspection I can't actually tell if that is an accurate sentiment, it just drives me insane to have someone other than me doing the "big picture" design work and getting to interface with the customer, but I don't have a rational reason other than I have been doing this stuff for so long that I actually do think I know how to do it better than the people I have been dealing with.

On top of it all, and probably the more frustrating aspect of this since I would like to get back to doing what I did when I was younger and "accidentally" fell into the ideal roles thinking it was a standard software developer role but instead they basically made me do all the work (which allowed me to do the really satisfying and creative stuff). I am having a hard time even getting an interview for these types of roles because people just seem to instantly reject a software engineering background for solutions architect positions.

I just don't even know what to believe, but it certainly sucks and I think it's skewing my ability to make rational career choices. For example sometimes I just want to start my own software consulting company so that I can decide which aspects of the work I do but it's mostly because of the reasons above and I have a hunch that those are all terrible reasons to attempt such a thing.

Am I just a total piece of shit who resents authority? Why do I feel so awful and feel like people above me are stealing the credit for my work?

I need a job. I have kids. I feel so incredibly immature for feeling this way and hating people for no reason, but it's the truth and I really don't know what to do. Thanks.