I need to answer this because I solved this problem as a super introvert. This reply will get buried.

Quite honestly, I realized I was boring and my life was boring. I had a boring job with no travel that didn’t involve meeting anyone interesting.

I quit my boring career and deliberately filtered for:

- has a technical element but not software development
- travel, or interact with a lot of people as a result of the job
- has some interesting exciting, creative element

If your life sucks. It sucks. I used to be hyper depressed and tried all these superficial mental self motivation techniques, dating apps, meetups, social groups. It felt totally forced and fake.

A lot of people on here said it already: if you are going to a meet up or other event to try to make friends as an introvert. It feels desperate, unnatural, forced and wrong. It doesn’t work because you are doing it out of desperation and bring desperate, negative feelings into it and it doesn’t leave you relaxed and able to connect properly with a bunch of strangers who you are trying to force yourself to talk to.

At one point I finally had enough. I said fuck this I am not living like this. It lead me to be way more selective about jobs; I filtered the shit out of every boring ass job. If it was some job sitting inside typing computer codes I didn’t want it. There are unlimited supply.

If you want to meet women, work on things related to climate, sustainability and impact. Seriously.

You guys are a bunch of boring fucks programming database software. Women don’t want to hear it. Women care about impact and social causes. If I had to do it over again as a developer, I’d pick a job with an impact, climate, sustainability or democracy or emerging markets element. Unlimited interesting and educated women in those fields to talk to.

Further more, your job is no longer fucking boring.

Sorry - you can transition programming skills into fields with a real world impact and your social circle will automatically explode and suddenly you will be hyper interesting and meet a ton of women and people who are passionate and care.

It might hurt to hear - but undifferentiated introverted nerd number 40 million is like krypontite to females. You have nothing going on inside your soul that is creative.

Women are emotions. If you are programming rust on embedded systems, that is not sexy. Your friends will be boring. Your life will be boring: you will be boring.

So I solved it by moving into an externally facing role
That mixed programming with customer and other interactions.

Life doesn’t happen behind a desk. I looked in the mirror and I made the call: My life sucks. I need to fix it.

Once you realize your life sucks and you are boring, take six months to find a better job which bakes in the above.

Can’t help you otherwise.

Another great piece of advice is to find immigrants. Americans are not friendly. People in middle America are also more friendly.

I met my wife through a secretary who was a super extroverted person.

You know what I did? I asked her for help.

If you can find female friends, ask them for help. If you can’t make friends with a single woman, an extroverted one, without it being about how she looks that’s another problem.

Learn to make friends with women without trying to have sec with them. Women will get you other women.