I've just recently been diagnosed with bipolar type II. This is something I should have been treated for 20 years ago. If you don't know about it, look it up as it's quite interesting and very common among the greatest minds in history (not that I'm one of those).

The difference between type II and type I is the intensity and length of the two extremes. Rather than "mania", type II has "hypomania", characterized by periods of heightened confidence, creativity, sexuality, rashness, productivity and ideas. Then the depression cycle is generally less intense, but usually lasts a longer time. The time between the extremes can last for many months. Hypomania can be confused with ADHD, which I've had been taking meds for for years.

This cycle of brilliance and despair describes my career perfectly. I am amazing for a month, do awesome work, have incredible insights and generally impress everyone around me - from bosses to relationships. Then, slowly, over months become less productive and have increased anxiety and self-doubt, less energy, care less about everything and longer and longer bouts of deep depression until I can barely get out of bed. Then I rally, think I've finally turned a corner and return to "normal". I'll apologize to bosses and coworkers, catch up on missed work, do something great again and feel that I've finally got a handle on things.

But what I considered my "normal" baseline wasn't real or sustainable, it was hypomania. The realization of what is actually normal has been a revelation, as the expectation of always performing at that intensely high level actually exacerbated my depression in a vicious cycle. "Why can't I think today??"

There are so many examples of famous people who did brilliant work, but also would end up struggling with depression for years. Ada Lovelace, Van Gogh, Churchill, Hemingway, Stephen Fry, Coppola, every other famous actor and more.

Every time I had my yearly psych evaluation for my Adderall, they would ask me, "Have you ever had episodes where you had out of control racing thoughts, and you didn't need to sleep for a day or more, exaggerated confidence and unusual talkativeness?" And I'd say, "No... Well, I'm normally talkative and distracted, but that's my ADHD, but never had moments of being out of control, or racing thoughts and no need for sleep." And my psychs (various, as they came and went from my HMO) would check off a box and continue on.

What they were describing is mania, not hypomania. So for two decades I've been under the impression that "normal" was my periods of hypomania and that I had ADHD, and that I also had clinical depression and that I needed to figure out the right meds or personal habits (eat right, regular sleep, exercise, etc.) to overcome. This was a horrible misdiagnosis which has affected my life in countless ways.

If you are ADHD, but also have depression, talk to your psych about bipolar disorder. It gets worse with age, so something that is minor now will get so intense later that it will ruin your life - you'll get fired, lose relationships, spend money recklessly, take risks you shouldn't - but not realize that when you "fix" these problems that you really haven't, and in a few months, or six, or a year - just long enough for you to think you're on the right track - it'll all start again.

The one "good" thing is that hypomania has its perks. Think of the movie Limitless - for a month year, I got to be a genius. Anyone who met me then still has the impression of me as a person with an endless font of knowledge and brilliant ideas. Those are the people I still have as contacts on Linked in. The ones who dealt with me during my episodes of depression have the exact opposite view and avoid me at all costs.

I would bet that there are a lot of really smart people here in Silicon Valley that are in a similar situation, but don't realize it. If this sounds like you, get yourself treated before it's too late.