The single most potent idea I have ever run across is "blame vs responsibility," it couples with another potent idea "easy vs simple," and another one "comfort vs growth."

Blame vs responsibility is analyzing yourself to see if you are primarily in a state of blame (also known as outward locus of control -- the world happens to you) or responsibility (inward locus of control -- you happen to the world).

Easy vs simple is the idea that some things are simple while some things are easy, and just because something is simple doesn't mean it is easy and just because something is easy, doesn't mean it is simple. "just set up a new service in production" is easy but not simple. "lose weight" is simple but not easy.

Comfort vs growth is the idea that comfort and growth are opposites. If you are comfortable you are not growing. If you are growing you are not comfortable. You cannot have growth without discomfort. Seeking the pain of discomfort is how you achieve growth.

> Sometimes it seems like i do that to create something like a melancholic void, that i must feel, because otherwise, i would feel empty…

Here you are recognizing that the "melancholic void" is your state of comfort (or at least more comfortable than the state of emptiness), while in the first half of the sentence you are explaining your lack of growth. The lack of growth comes from choosing the state of comfort.

If you are overweight, your life will suck. There is just no getting around that. Fat people are not generally sexual objects, and that will destroy mental health. Obesity == invisibility, sexually and socially. Eating what you want is very easy and very comfortable. Losing weight is extremely uncomfortable and extremely hard, despite how simple it is to do. You eat less, period. Simple bit extremely hard.

So if you're fat. Do you blame your genetics? Do you blame your lack of self control? Or do you take responsibility for your over eating? Blaming does not lead to action, it leads to stagnation. Taking responsibility means believing that you can have an effect on those things and acting accordingly. Maybe it means going to a specialist.

Quitting gaming is another example of simple but not easy. Just don't play games is quite simple. Dealing with the feelings that result from removing a primary form of escapism is not. A blame mindset is "games are too addictive," a responsibility mindset is "my life will never get better until I stop escaping."

Not feeling a connection with people is another thing that can be weighed on these axis. How much are you blaming people for the problem vs taking responsibility for the problem? Are you expecting to find comfortable easy solutions? Can you already think of uncomfortable, yet simple solutions (like talking to strangers/getting better at talking to people/talking to more people/joining clubs with intellectually minded people/be more vulnerable/etc.)?

When you find yourself in a state of blame (other people aren't as smart as me and therefore I am lonely because no one can talk to me on my level), you are choosing comfort. "It's not something wrong with me, it's something wrong with other people." Your ego has a facade of protection. Meanwhile your mental health suffers because you are not choosing the pain/discomfort required to get out of your situation.