This article really resonated with me. I've worked 25 years in a small startup for a guy who was maddenly successful in everything he did. He was a technically smart, expert leader, charismatic, drew a following, could motivate a team etc. The problem was that he broke every single rule. Brazenly. When I first met him I couldn't stand him, but in time I began to appreciate him and his skillset, and eventually (now) I admire him and consider him one of my closest friends.

After watching him for a long time I finally figured out that his secret was his ability to brazenly break social norms - totally unashamedly. This gives him the power to change the rules of engagement on the fly. It's incredibly disorienting, as internally your brain asks itself "did he really just do that?". Doing so essentially "stuns" the counterparty, like a deer in headlights they're caught up trying to figure out exactly what is going on. You now have two choices: 1) call out his behavior and escalate, or 2) capitulate.

I'll share a story demonstrating how this works in practice. Early on in the startup 4 of us shared a small office and we all overheard everything. We all shared the same phone line, and would answer as "hello, <company name>". So one day we're sitting there and the phone rings and he answers the phone in his regular voice "hello <company name>". Pause as the other person talks. He then changes his voice and says "let me get you to accounts payable". Without skipping a beat he switches back to his regular voice and says "hello this is <name>". He did it so quickly it's obvious to anyone he didn't transfer the phone call at all. There was just no time. It's also obvious he's is pretending to be two people! I remember my colleage and I looked at each other with the "did that really just happen?" face and "who is he kidding?" The genius of it is that I know for a fact the person on the other line was just as disoriented and now had to stop and take stock of the situation.. They're now second guessing themselves, which puts them at a disadvantage for the rest of the "accounts payable" conversation. It's a great disarming technique. It's genius.

His brazenness also made him an expert of being unapologetic, and I've learned you are very unlikely to win by escalation... He will continute to break norms until you reach a point where it's too uncomfortable (and exhausting) for you to continue calling him out. So in the end it's far easier just to pretend "whats happening" isn't really happening, and (as the article says) you don't want to publicly acknowledge and expose that you are in fact playing an "inferior game".

It's maddening at times, but it definitely gets results. I've never seen anyone beat him at his game, we're all too caught up playing by the rules.

The most amazing thing is that he's not a "bad person" otherwise, he's one of the most kind, generous and ethical people I know, which is odd because at face value it wouldn't appear to be that way. He's sucessfuly built and sold a company that is currently taking care of 400 people. I've long since given up trying to "win" and his close friends simply tolerate the behavior, we love him in spite of it.... I'm not even sure he's concious of it. It's a skill I admire and recognize my own shame is often a deficiency.

So yeah, the strategy of shamlesness definitely has it's advantages.