Ask HN: Has anyone been where I am? Bunt out?
A year ago I was working a Sonic Drive Thru as a burger-flipping manager for $10/hr taking home $800 a month. I was 24 and recently kicked a 4+ year heroin/polydrug addiction. Despite the terrible decisions that led me there I've always been pretty damn bright. After high school I was accepted to Loyola University in Chicago and was doing the ore-med thing. Then I did the drug thing for a solid few years and then finally kicked it for what I hope is forever last October. In between I went to different colleges and basically failed out for lack of focus as I was too focused on getting my fix. It was sad, especially for someone with so much potential.

I'd always had a strong interest in technology and programming. When my parents got the Internet in '96 I was fascinated by this thing they called code and I absolutely had to learn how to do it too! So I did. I built hundreds of awfully designed web pages that are probably Still lingering on a ton of free hosts to this day.

Sorry to bore you but this bit of history is necessary for context (at least I think so). In 2008 I was still just enrolled in classes just to be enrolled and leeching off my parents' good will which was running out quickly. It was then I decided I'd become a professional web designer. I tried my hardest to learn the latest and greatest CSS and HTML and I also happened to have a very lucky chance encounter with Larry Masters of CakePHP fame which led me to get a decent handle on that language as well. (He was reading web dev books in a Barnes and Noble and I struck up a conversation not knowing who he was or what CakePHP was. He told me if I could learn PHP well enough he'd give me a job. It never happened).

After living this awful, sad, depressing existence with no ambition or hope for any kind of meaningful future something just snapped in me. It was December 31st of 2010 and I was working my third straight holiday in a row without overtime pay at this job that I absolutely couldn't stand anymore. I had talked with a friend a few weeks earlier and she told me I should just freelance. It was then on new years eve that I closed down the restaurant right there and then, locked the doors, told the owner to go to hell, and I decided to become a professional web developer.

I got my first client for free, the second and third landed me a mere $400-$500 each and 11 months later I'm up to 10 times that amount per job. I'm doing well for myself but now I've hit a wall.

I read HN every morning (sometimes noon and evening too) and I see all you smart people and I look at myself and think "I'm just another wannabe designer/developer/entrepreneur". I would hate to be just another wannabe. Despite the fact that business has been good to me for a solid year I'm still living at home and I still can't afford to fix my beater car and though I've made incredible progress, I'm still far behind where I should be let alone where I want to be.

I'm my only employee. I need more but can't afford them. But then I can't make more money without more help. So is it the chicken or the egg?

I feel like I've gone as far as I can. The hours are long, I over extend and give myself too short of deadlines. "Well quit doing that!" you say? Never! It's how I made this far. My skills have improved so much too. But I still feel like a fraud. Like one of those countless others who learn HTML and put on their "Web Designer!" badges while the real designers and programmers scoff at them.

So the point is, I think I've burned out. I need to get where I want to go but my motivation is almost tapped out. I'm exhausted but I have no choice but to continue on.

The point is... is this common? Has it happened to you? The articles haven't helped, do you know how to beat this? How can I get out of this rut?

Thanks ahead of time to anyone who ends up reading this. I'm pretty embarrassed writing this and hate to sound whiny. I'm at my wit's end. Has anyone been where I am?