There is a fabulous book on this topic called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." and "How To Talk So children Learn" It expresses this concept much better than me. Janet Lansbury also has written some great stuff on how to navigate tantrums for everyone's benefit! Here's one: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/12/the-best-way-to-deal-w...

My thoughts: I am a huge believer with children, as with adults to validate people's emotions. And by validating, really and fully accept that they are feeling what they are feeling and there is a good reason for them feeling that way. And really try to understand what is the need they're trying to express so they are fully heard, so that their need is heard. There are few things more affirming than being seen and heard. In no ways does this mean you have to tolerate behavior that makes you feel awful, like huge intense yelps that hurt your ears. It's Ok to say I love you and I understand you are unhappy and I'm sad you are unhappy - but my ears hurt and I would appreciate if they could cry more quietly. It's surprising how when you are honest with kids about how things make you feel and impact you with love, instead of just trying to stop it, that they listen and understand. I say, put boundaries around yourself, not around the other person.

Among fellow educators, we often use the term "unconditional positive regard," meaning that we give children the benefit of the doubt that they have a good reason for what they're doing.

A tantrum is often an unmet need being expressed. Maybe they're tired or hungry.

As much as you're able, I'd encourage you to allow the tantrum if it doesn't affect you or the people around you too negatively. The child needs to work those emotions out of their system. For example, if you're in a movie theater, you may need to take the child out. It's improtant to accept that your child has both negative and positive emotions and that's ok. They don't have to be 100% happy and entertained all the time - that's fake, that's not life. I would start by acknowledging as much as possible with love your child's emotions. "Oh honey, I see you're so sad. Are you sad that you can't have that candy? I know it's so frustrating to not have something that you can't have. It really really hurts. You feel bad. I'm not going to let you have more sugar today because that can hurt your body. I am so sad you're feeling sad. Oh you're so sad. I love you and I'm sad you're sad, etcetera. I'm going to leave you alone for a while to cry because that sound hurts my ears/because i need to work and make money, etc. But I'm right here if you need a hug. I love you, etcetera"

I don't like there to be punishment, but there could be a consequence. I wouldn't give a consequence for a tantrum, because that's them expressing their emotions. But if they make life difficult for others, you could consider letting them know that they are going to be removed from the situation where they are following through

Acknowledging with love is key. But you don't need to coddle either. Calmly accept, validate, try to determine what the unmet need is if you can. Establish a boundary if needed and follow through.

Here is a workshop I did with Deb Vilas from Bank Street College of Education on communicating with children where we talk about validation and 3 point limit setting. It might be helpful to you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7ODQAwwKgo

Please let me know if you have any other questions or would like to talk through this with me sometime. I'd be happy to help.

I do really feel you could benefit from Janet Lansbury's podcast and Adele Faber's book though. They give techniques that actually WORK, which is great. It's not just fluff. This compassionate communication stuff actually settles kids down and helps make life easier for everyone. Plus, they don't end up unable to feel their feelings or all bottled up and resentful as adults, or entitled either!