I used to live in Germany (as a student) before having kids, and now I live in California with kids (around Sacramento), so I'll give my perspective.

It's a tradeoff of money vs family-friendliness.

Germany is definitely more kid-friendly and provides a lot of stuff (events, museums, walking trails, etc) that is found in much lower quantities in California. I've taken my children to Germany a couple of times, and I was always pleasantly surprised at how many things there were for them to do.

The salaries are definitely higher in the US. I don't want to go anywhere near the Bay Area or San Diego due to the cost of living not making the salary increase worth it, so I currently have a remote job with a company based in Mountain View (a fairly small company), but costs of childcare and tertiary education are far higher here than in Germany. When I lived in Germany, the higher education costs were something like $80 a semester, but I hear they've done away with all fees since then.

In Germany, you get a lot more services and a good quality of life, but the salaries are quite low. They're a little higher than the Netherlands on average, but still quite low in comparison to the US.

One thing you may want to consider is that any form of childcare in California is enormously expensive. During the pandemic, a lot of childcare providers went out of business, and the ones that remain are all understaffed. So now childcare spots are difficult to find and very, very expensive. So expensive in fact, that typically most of the salary from one of the parents will go towards childcare.

Housing is really expensive all over the US, and very much so in California. It's hard to afford anything around Sacramento, and it's a lot cheaper than the Bay Area, Los Angeles, or San Diego. I get the impression from the occasional browsing of German real estate that houses are not cheap there either, so I'm not sure which is the better option. I bought my house in late 2008 after housing prices collapsed. I wouldn't be able to afford what I have with current prices.

Having spent some time in small villages in Germany, they are very non-diverse, if that's an issue for you. My kids go to a school with a great deal of diversity. German cities of a decent size tend to be fairly diverse.

I hear the practices of German primary and secondary schools can be hard to learn for those who didn't grow up there, but your wife should already know what's going on, since presumably she grew up there.

Another aspect of life in California that has changed since you left are the almost constant droughts and wildfires. It's way worse now. It used to be rare to see smoke from wildfires in the Sacramento area, but now it's quite common and the air is usually filthy in summer and early fall. In 2020, it got so bad that we had to stay inside for 3 weeks straight and there was ash falling everywhere, even though the nearest fire was at least 150 miles away. 2021 was a little better, but there were times we couldn't go outside because the smoke was so heavy. It's fairly similar all over the state.

Healthcare is way more affordable in Germany and the Netherlands and that is a big plus for me.

We are personally planning to move out of California due to some of these issues. If it weren't for my disabled stepson who is over 18, we'd probably go for Germany or the Netherlands due to the improved quality of life. I have no idea if my kids will be able to afford healthcare when they are old enough to work and I have no idea what their college costs will be.

I advise going to Germany. The salaries are not ideal, but I think that your family would have a better quality of life. Family support is very nice to have.

I don't know how common remote positions are in Germany nowadays. I have seen remote job advertisements that are EU-wide and I have interviewed with companies who hire all over the globe. A US company that is willing to hire from EU countries would be your best bet for getting a better salary, but those jobs aren't the easiest to find.

I don't know where in Bavaria you would be living, but it may be possible to commute to a larger city like Munich (train is the easiest way of commuting, if available), which has a lot of IT-related jobs. The salaries there are higher, but so is the cost of living.