A long time ago in a career far, far away:

I talked in an exit interview. I got exactly what I wanted but eventually regretted it.

I was tasked with building a data warehouse to replace our existing reporting process: a multi-day run access database.

I was young, excitable, and very talented. I was a sponge. It was easier to do things by myself than explain how a star schema worked to others, although I tried.

As the project proved successful and the team grew, I desperately wanted more responsibility and leadership. I had built the whole thing from the inception. But my boss and bosses manager, the VP of Engineering, didn't trust me. They lied, constantly moved the goal post, asked for ridiculous hours, expected me to work most weekends, and kept promising you'll be leading this team soon just hang in there.

Things degenerated to the point where the VP of Engineering was actively trying to fire me, but the COO and CEO wouldn't let him. The project was too high value and I built most of it. I know this because he taunted me with it. On two different occasions they tried to hire a replacement. "New guy is your peer. He's not your boss." Later I learned the new guy was told the opposite.

Still throughout the turmoil I had made friends with a many of my coworkers. I became especially close with the IT Director. At one time he out ranked the VP of Engineering and was his mentor. They still talked, but werent close like they used to be. The IT Director also became a kind of mentor to me. He was the first to prod me to leave.

And despite the toxic work environment our data warehouse had become a cornerstone of the companies business. We expanded from fixing a single long running report to being the database of record for all analytics in the company.

Still my title and salary remained the same as when I started the project.

Fed up, I finally got my resume together and found a new job. I had several documented incidents of their misbehavior. Eg anonymously, falsely accusing me of harassment. Or threatening to withhold pay for hours already worked unless some goal was met.

I laid it all out in my exit interview. Especially focusing on the things that could have had legal standing. The VP of HR soaked it all in, nodded and asked probing questions.

A few months went by. I met up with my old coworkers for lunch. They began to tell me how everything changed after I left. The CxOs became hyper focused on the team. HR started sitting in on meetings and executives would randomly show up to stand ups. But most revealing is they shared that the decision had been made by the COO to replace the VP of Engineering. Another VP had been hired and was quietly attending all meetings. The existing VP of Engineering had no idea he was training his replacement.

I was still in touch with the IT Director. I knew he still talked with the VP of Engineering on occasion. I shared with him, "You know that new guy? I have it on good authority that the COO hired him to replace the VP of Engineering." "How do you know" he asked? "I had lunch with most of my old coworkers and they said so."

I was being manipulate and hoping to cause drama. I wanted to cause the VP of Engineering as much grief as possible. No simple "you're fired" for him. This would be messy.

And I got exactly what I wanted. It caused chaos. The COOs plan for a quiet transition had been ruined. Multiple shouting matches ensued. The drama was so bad that the new guy replacement quit.

But what I hadn't considered was the fall out. Multiple of my coworkers really liked the new guy and were hoping he would fix things. After the new guy quit the VP of Engineering decided that switching to PHP from RoR for the front end would fix things. He fired many of my old coworkers.

They were furious with me. They didn't know how but they knew I was to blame. I burned multiple good references, professional acquaintances, and friends.

But most costly was my friendship with the IT Director. It ended our friendship.

I eventually tried to apologize. A few of them accepted my apology but for most the damage had been done.

It REALLY wasn't worth it.

What I really needed was an older more mature adult to guide me. I needed to learn healthy boundaries, how to communicate better, how to LISTEN, and think before I act. These are the skills that I needed and many "engineers" need to improve.

Be secure in yourself. You are enough. You don't need anyone to tell you that.