I don't have children but am closely befriended with a few couples that I see almost every week that do have children. All are of a similar age, and I've seen them grow up from birth to their current age of about 12-14. I wanted to share some observations as a "neutral" observer...

Their first device is the iPad, starting at about 3-4 y/o and I've seen a case as young as 1 y/o. Before the iPad, the children act natural. They play with physical toys, other children, and are exploratory.

There's a short "mixed" period but the iPad pretty quickly starts to dominate, effectively largely replacing other toys and more physical play. You can quite literally see the children retreat from real life and sink into their iPads.

Parents are quite aware of it, they're not neglectful. They have to fight tooth and nail to get their kids to do anything active. Sure enough you can be strict, but the draw to the device seems extremely powerful. They quite simply seem to prefer it over reality.

The iPad age lasts a long time, as smartphones are not in the picture yet. There's a strong network effect. All other children are doing it too, and when they make way to the playground, there's few or no children there. That makes it a societal addiction, not just an individual one, making it even harder for parents to sanction it.

And still I found some hope. When you really pay close and genuine attention to these children, you'll discover that they really still prefer rich in-person human experiences over their device. They're just getting very little of it, only a handful of fleeting moments a day, on a work day. Rushed interactions.

I found this out by the simple act of showing a real and sustained interest. Just asking a bunch of questions and really listening to answers. They seem almost shocked that anybody would bother with that, and I find that the saddest thing.

Further, imagine these kids sitting in a row with iPads, whilst us adults talk. They seem absent-minded, distracted, but they hear everything we say. They're listening, and they're interested. They're not at all the zombies that some think they are.

The iPad seems a filler for a massive void. They're attention starved. And I lay no blame on parents as they truly do their utmost best. Modern life is just too damn fast to allow for slow, lengthy, genuine humane interactions.

By the age of about 11-12, the smartphone arrives and for boys typically also a console. All toys are cleared out because just the smartphone replaces all of them. It's all downhill from here because now they have access to this stuff no matter where they go.

And, they have a richer vocabulary, a larger group of friends or classmates, will have their first go at even more addictive apps, and...it's just absolutely hopeless at this point. To add insult to injury, society digitizing means that also other aspects move to the device, like learning itself. Which they can't, because 5 million distractions are a tap away or a notification pulls them in.

These children just don't stand a chance. They don't really want it, nor do parents want it. But it happens regardless. It's like fighting gravity.

The issue goes far beyond wasting time. They don't know true boredom or down-time. They miss 99% of real communication (in-person) as it's all digital. They're exposed to the extremes of social networks and take it as if this is how the world really works. They're physically inactive and have a short attention span. They don't collaborate but compete as individuals by means of Tiktok, a status competition.

The only counter parents seem to have is not restrictions, rather replacements. Replace useless device time with non-device activities that are genuinely fun and engaging. Not lame things.

And I didn't even talk about sugar yet. Where for me a sugary snack was an infrequent highlight, these kids are stuffing themselves with it. Out of this small group of kids, 2 flat out refuse to eat anything else. And if they don't get it, they'll eat it at a friend's house or when older buy it themselves from their allowance.

I used to think all of this is bad parenting, but seeing it with my own eyes, I changed my mind. These kids grow up in a world of devices and unlimited sugar, which is not the world I grew up in. It is so omnipresent that parents are fighting a losing battle.

These parents ARE taking personal responsibility, but it just doesn't work when the odds are stacked against you like this.