> It is not about projecting my experience (I was not answering to OP, but to a comment) or "about the meaning of past event". I believe paternalistic attitudes sound good because words are comforting, but they are not helpful, they lead nowhere. And I provided a personal example.

My reply is to your comment of '"the work you did was not for nothing" angle of reading is comforting'. So that's why I mention "about the meaning of past event" because that exactly proves that the statement "the work you did was not for nothing" is truth, which is one of the reasoning whom you reply you used.

I'm not exactly sure the definition of "paternalistic attitudes" (not English native), but if just looking at what the word means, I would think something like "it's going to be fine"/"it will be ok" would fit more, but again not the comment from whom you're reply to.

> When I was having doubts about my academic career, what I was hearing from my advisors was "don't worry, I am sure with your CV you will find a job", "the important thing is doing a good job, then they will call you". And it made me very uncomfortable, I wanted to say to my advisors, will you please skip the comforting fluff, won't you? This is serious.

> OP wrote: "I'm quite depressed now because I've put enormous effort into switching to DS: I applied to 80 job postings before I got my first internship, and I feel this is for nothing now."

> And the comment I was responding to read:

> "You've learned how to apply to job posting and the best ways to do so. You've acquired work experience and human experience which will serve you. Your university and faculty allowed you to learn how to handle high levels of work. You acquired a work ethics and a discipline which will be precious to you."

> Someone is applying to 80 jobs before getting an internship and the comment is: "You've learned how to apply to job posting and the best ways to do so". To me, this attitude is very off-putting, it is very HR-like, it infantilizes the adult in trouble. Can you imagine losing whatever game 20-1, and when asking for help, the answer is: "you did a good job, you learned how to score, I am sure it will get better".

I really don't know why you view it this way... because I think the above statement is true. Just to also pull in some personal "failure", I once worked a summer job as a kid that's purely commission based, and guess what—I earned nothing from the entire Summer. But that experience is "money can't buy" and indeed I learnt something from the job itself too (like those coaching thing, and about the industry), not just merely an experience.

> "You didn't put all that effort in for nothing: you grew...".

> Again, is this not talking like you would to a kid?

Well, then I hope everyone's heart states like a kid and continue to grow... come on, OP doesn't even graduated. What's wrong to be reminded we grow? Why wouldn't we remind ourselves we are still growing. Stop thinking like someone "graduated" and never need to grow anymore. I mean this probably is about different world view on things, so can't argue with that...

> It is not a critique of a person who commented and I have no doubt they are very well intentioned. It is just that I see this infantilizing attitude creeping in in multiple places, from the corporate world to private life, everything needs to be reassuring, comforting, "now close your eyes and go to sleep". Typically ending with a "good luck".

I think the way you paraphrased is very different from which you're replying...

> "Your entire past determines who you are right now, what you can change is the future. The meaning of a past event is determined by how it has taught your future self to make better decision."

> This is both a tautology and non-actionable psycho-babble that helped exactly zero people in the history of humanity, but feels quite good when delivered.

This probably is related to world view. But first of all, just to state that this is Physical truth (assuming we understand casualty correctly) and whatever social science or other domain you're in, you cannot escape this physical truth (that your entire past determines who you are right now.)

Now what should you do with that truth? You can dwell on the past and think how things would have been different had I did XYZ. But you can't go back in time to change it. So this is meaningless.

Does that mean you should never regret on anything? Depending on what "regret" means. If "regret" does not mean you wanted something in the past change, but something you'd change to do differently in the future, then I think this is good "regret".

So I don't understand where you're coming from, because this entirely is not about feeling. It is about realizing objective truth and reflecting on how you can deal with it.

> "So if it takes them to have a job experience to know they don't like Data Science, then that's what is needed to happen to them for them to make a different choice."

> Or maybe, if they had people taking them seriously instead of providing this kind of "everything happens for a reason" comments, they would have known it before spending time walking down a path that was not the wrong one.

I disagree. This is 馬後炮 (\~hindsight in English.) The case of OP is quite typical. A lot of people have different fantasies about their dreams until they entered the field and realize it is not what they thought. Could OP, given their past, be able to know about it before taking that path? For a different person, they may not. But given the same person with the same mindset, same world view, same believe or whatever, how would they knew before taking that path?

That's why the one your replying to and me think that "You're learned things about yourself" is important here. For some people, and per person given some other things, they need to experience it in order to gain that insight.

In short I think this summarize well: you're against "paternalistic attitudes" but we (whom you reply to and me) are against hindsight. The feeling that one could have done better can in many cases be hindsight and we need to be careful about that. That's also why I mentioned about projecting, because in some sense projecting is "hindsight to a different person."

Edit: this HN line break is killing me!