Lot to digest.

Listen, first of all, do not consider ending your life. Seriously, you're way too smart for that. I'm sure you've got it worse, but I've had enormous sciatic problems in my life, I've had 3 herniated discs; they're behaving for the moment after massive doses of cortisone and without any painkillers, but I know what it feels like to cough them all out of my back at the same time. Not to be able to put a foot in front of another or turn your neck for weeks. (I'm a huuuuge fan of intramuscular cortisone injections, though. Like 5 or 6 large cortisone over a week, with some B-12. Every couple years. Not in the spine... fuck that. Alternating butt cheeks. You won't feel any benefit until the third day at least. If you can convince a doctor to give you that for a week, you will be fucking superman. They won't do this in America unless you know a doctor personally, but they'll do it in Mexico or Spain. I had it the last time my discs went out and it's been 6 years and the inflammation has not come back. They thought it would).

Anyway, before you off yourself, do try a fuckton of intramuscular steroids. The fifth day I levitated off a bed in the hospital; I hadn't walked in a week; I felt so good I went to a club; I got drunk and spent the night on a beach drinking and making out with an 18 year old model from Denmark. Seriously. There were wild cats walking around; it was winter on the Spanish coast. If you do one thing before you die, go get five cortisone shots in your ass, in a week.

I also got the hiccups for 24 hours and couldn't sleep, but that's neither here nor there. And I got temporary blindness in my left eye from fluid behind the retina, caused probably by too much testosterone. But. Goddamn it, I'm ok. You can be okay.

Enough about that.

About Yahoo and Google. That entrepreneurial spirit is, in my experience, way too often just about getting the funding and fucking off. We all know why these companies go downhill, but somehow it's always such a shock when they actually deteriorate in front of our eyes, huh? Google's search results, for instance. I would have expected their cofre business to stay more or less fine, not collapse a couple years after all the competition was eliminated.

It would be fine if they didn't grow into every crevice. Get search right, that's all we ask. I don't want Google to be my chat room or my shopping site. Why do they need to? Search is huge. They own 90% of the market.

>> but organizing to turn that into adequate specs to get solid estimates or fixed price quotes for work is extremely difficult to me.

That's always the worst. The business side. I've always just built things and hoped for the best. It sounds like you've got something interesting going there, although I have no damn clue what you're building, that's an exciting feeling. ENGN is killer. If you own ENGN.com, hell, money well spent.

I don't understand what you mean about "executive function", since you obviously have the capacity to write well-crafted email and think pretty clearly; perhaps I lack the executive function to discern your lack of executive function (I'm a brutally self-punishing alcoholic, but otherwise a damn good programmer)

Anyway I don't know if you're trying to ask for pointers to workers for this concept, I'm probably not it; I'm $200/hr and I'm already covered for the next year. This, however, should be your symphony. And I think you know how to do it.