> I think you as well as I know that the problem isn't slurs against men.

Maybe not directly slurs, but the overall social toxicity towards men _certainly_ does. And depending on how you define a slurs I think it does.

I read your passage and it falls on deaf ears. I have seen nothing but lip service by anyone trying to end patriarchy or similar, with respect to actually trying to change the male lived experience.

I was the victim of serious domestic violence in a heterosexual relationship. I, a white man, was _at best_ told I'm sorry, that's terrible. I was at a particularly vulnerable place in my life, and I was led and manipulated there by my ex. When I was at my most vulnerable the abuse ramped up very quickly and made it virtually impossible to become less vulnerable. Many times I was advised(by progressives and feminists mind you, I was in one of the most liberal enclaves in the country), to man up or not to be her bitch. Often implying that I should fight back (usually said in a half joking way). That felt pretty close to a slur to me, because restraint was likely what kept me from arrest and took an immense amount of self-control: Knowing that I was about to endure violence and having to not protect myself for fear of causing injury to the other party was absolutely numbing and dissociating. No one offered me help, shelter, real advice, anything. Most people seemed to think it something to joke about.

I very much consider myself a feminist and a progressive, and I was honestly shocked by all of this.

When I reached out for help to domestic violence institutions I was met with nothing but apologies, there were no services for men. Just like when I was in college and reached out about my severe depression; there were plenty of resources available, just for people who weren't straight white men.

I eventually was able to get out of that situation, but not before enduring significant levels of trauma. It gave me a severe episode of major depression, and I can only imagine what it is like for men who are married or have kids with an abusive spouse. I can easily see how that would lead to suicide.

Further, in my experience since this, bringing this up to women I'm seeing, even the most progressive among them, is a sure way to find myself single again. Society wants me to bottle up such an emasculating experience; all the talk about equality towards men from feminists feels like it is just that, talk.

It seems to me that baked into a lot of the perceived privilege of straight white males is that most people see a disproportionate number of them in highly successful positions. Even if you come from a place where there are plenty of poor, uneducated white people, you still see a huge number of powerful rich white people in the news, in the movies, running corporations, etc. Treating white men as a monolith is hugely detrimental towards social harmony in this country. Poor whites have it tough relative to anyone who isn't poor, full stop, (but I'll say that poor minorities generally have it even worse) and I think until we recognize, trumpet and act upon the reality that _poverty_ is the biggest aspect of privilege, we will continue to see a lot of resentment towards the progressive movement.