You have a talent with words.

You say you work as a technical writer, and I'm not surprised. But since it's easy to tell someone "You're talented" in a vague sort of way, let me be more specific: something that immediately popped out to me is your tendency to lead with strong, well-chosen, simple verbs. "... watching ... impressed ... realized ... remember ... revolved ... writing ... meet ... talk ... playing"

This makes your writing both evocative and conversational. You come across as someone who can easily, without breaking a sweat, put your thoughts into words in a way that allows them to effortlessly slide into the reader's mind.

You also pepper your text with straightforward, graspable images: "written by one man in assembly language ... scripting sprinkled on top ... My motivation for learning is shrinking slowly and would much rather stare out of the window while I’m not doing my obligatory 8 hours of daily work ... but I can't just dive into it ... I can conjure up empty slots in my schedule ..."

You seem to have a natural aptitude for prose rhythm (your phrasing is easy-going and musical), and you know how to structure your writing into manageable paragraphs.

All of which has had a large effect on readers, here. Look at all the comments! If you think this is just because your situation is relatable, think again. You've made it relatable. A poorer writer would't have made us feel as if we know you--as if we are you.

I hope you consider doing some non-technical writing. I believe what you do is an art, or at least a craft, but what we've learned about you is that you have the ability to explore your inner life in prose--in a way that's affecting to other people. That's a gift in two senses. It's a gift endowed on you (or that you endowed on yourself via hard work) and it's a gift you can give to others. You already have done that with this thread. Please write more!

I want to say something about "success." I think you need to broaden your definition of it. Let's say you decide to write about your childhood or your struggles with mental health. Chances are, you won't become a best-selling author. Very few writers do. Very few writers make money writing--including published authors. So if define "success" as "wealth and fame," you're really limiting yourself. And you're also ignoring how many "successful" people wind up depressed, feeling like they've devoted their lives to superficial bullshit.

Honestly, if I had to compare a stock trader and you--just on the basis of how much you've moved people with your post, here (for which you weren't paid a dime)--I'd say yours was the more-valuable contribution to humanity.

Like you, I've been working in IT for 30 years. But at night and on weekends, I run a little threatre company. I direct Shakespeare plays in tiny, black-box spaces. I've been doing this for decades, even though the audiences are very small. Sometimes there are more actors on stage than people in seats. But the work is meaningful to the folks who have seen it. I've heard from people who saw one of my shows 20 years ago, who still remember it with excitement. That's something I did. I did that. Just as you've done this with your writing.

My point is that some people are blessed to be able to find profound meaning in their pay-the-rent work. I'm not one of them. I find coding interesting, but it's not my passion, and it's not what I'm best at. I'm "good enough," but there will always be coders who are way better than me. There are better theatre directors than me, too, but, in the theatre, I know I can make a meaningful contribution. I will never make money doing it. So what?

(By the way, I said I'll never make money directing. Actually, I lose money doing it. I finance my own shows with money I make as a programmer. What this means is that the shows are 100% mine. I can do anything I want, because I'm paying for them. I have complete artistic control.)

My mom is an inspiration to me. In her mid-70s, she retired from her pay-the-bills job and now works full time as a fiction writer. She's had a number of short stories and two novels published by small presses, meaning she makes no money as a writer, but she's doing work that's meaningful to her and to her small group of readers.

Meaningful work needn't be artistic. Other folks here mentioned being a parent. Many also find meaning when volunteering for charities. They know they are really helping others and making a difference. I'm focusing on your writing, because that's the part of you I can see. That's output of yours that affected me.

And when you say managers have called you creative, but you can't convince yourself that's true, you're denying my experience. You're denying the experience of the many readers here who have clearly been affected by your words.

Comments from this thread--comments you prompted:

"I have these kinds of feelings a lot."

"With the exception of a few details, I swear I could've authored this post. I feel the exact same."

"This is one of the best HN posts I've read in a while. It feels so close to home, and I think it's amazing that people are sharing their feeling about this topic."

"I love you."

"I think all of us have these thoughts and feelings."

"This was strangely motivational. Given how you write and your degree of introspection you can get to where you want to be."

"I don’t know if you will get to see my comment by now but you are an incredibly good writer. Miles above the email churn I deal with daily."

"My exact thoughts as I was reading the OP"

"I agree. It's good writing!"