On the QAnon Kids
I’ve been wondering about the kids of those folks who gathered at Dallas’s Dealey Plaza to await the “return” of JFK Jr, and assorted people who QAnon says faked their deaths and would return on November 2nd. So, here’s a satirical piece on how an interview with these children might go.
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News Anchor: Good evening America. Tonight, we bring you a special interview with twelve-year-old Tommy Rideaway. We have been granted permission to talk to Tommy, by his parents, who are still in Dallas awaiting the emergence of JFK Jr., his father John F. Kennedy, Kobe Bryant and a number of other luminaries, who the Rideaway’s believe faked their deaths to escape the Deep State. Here is our reporter, Snap Smiley with the story….

Reporter: Tommy, we’re so glad you agreed to talk with us tonight. We understand your parents are still in Dallas tonight.

Tommy: Oh yeah. They’re not quitters. Everyone else left, but they figure the Deep State is hard to get away from, so it may be a couple of days until JFK JR and the others make it to Texas.

Reporter: Well were glad someone will be there to greet them, when they do show up. We understand that JFK JR is going to hook up with Donald Trump and run together in the Presidential election. But Donald Trump wasn’t there to greet his next running mate. Can you shed some light on why?

Tommy: Well my parents say that Mr. Trump has had trouble getting messages since they cut off his Twitter and he probably didn’t get the memo. But I think he just didn’t want to leave Melania in Florida. Dad says they’ll drive JFK JR to Mar-a-Lago, once he shows up. I’m so proud of them.

Reporter: Well this question may be a bit complicated but Donald Trump’s view of where our country should be going is completely opposite of what JFK JR and JFK believed. Why would they team up?

Tommy: Mom says JFK JR is the decedent of Jesus, and Jesus is a Trump supporter. Can’t you get that?

Reporter: I’m a little slow, but you’re getting me there son. What do your school buddies think about all of this?

Tommy: Uh, I don’t go to school. Mom and Dad say they will teach me to hate myself and feel guilty all my life. Dad burned all the books in the house and Mom homeschools me and my sister.

Reporter: If all the books are gone, how do you learn?

Tommy: Mister, my parents are really, really smart people. They do research on the computer for hours. Then they teach us what they’ve learned. You’d be amazed at the things they know.

Reporter: Awesome! Well how do you get along with the neighbors and their kids? Do they homeschool too?

Tommy: You know, they don’t speak to us very much. When they do talk, my parents are so far ahead of them that they just shake their heads and walk away. They seem afraid to argue with my folks.

Reporter: That must be it. So, I see that there are some suitcases there at the door. Are you planning a vacation?

Tommy: Oh those? Mom is a planner. She wants us to have clean clothes and toothbrushs when the aliens abduct us. So, she keeps those suitcases ready. See how far ahead of everyone else they are?

Reporter: Well that’s a story for another day. Great talking to you Tommy and thank you’re Mom and Dad for this peek into a QAnon family.

News Anchor: And there you have it America. Out of the mouth of babes. Stay tuned to this channel as we bring you updates as our next generation is being prepared to take on the problems of the world…
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ihg 11-5-2021
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