Not sure if this belongs on HN or not, so I won't promote it or flag it. But, if it does get legs, there are a couple of points in the article I'd like to counter. For background: my mother (and most of her family) suffers from bouts of diagnosed clinical depression, sometimes acute and sometimes chronic, and sometimes as severe as leading to self-harm. I'm not immune; although at an early age I developed some mental safeguards against the worst of it, I am actually right now quietly battling the worst case of severe depression that I've ever had. There are a lot of articles out there written to be helpful to those that are depressed, or those who are not but have friends or family members that are. Most of them are terrible.

So, from the article:

> But talking about depression easily and openly isn’t impossible.

Yes, it probably is. Unless you are very close to the person, it's really unlikely that they're going to talk to you about it, and prying is only going to cause them to withdraw more. Because of the stigma attached to depression, withdrawal is a common tactic, and the more that a person withdraws, the worse their depression gets.

> Better to say: "We’ll get through this."

Ugh. Written by someone who's never experienced this. The withdrawal mentioned above is caused in part by a severe feeling of being alone; there's no such thing as "we" to someone who's truly depressed. Nor is there any way to convince them that the future will magically improve; a depressed person doesn't see any chance of that happening, and saying "we'll get through this" just tells them that you aren't taking their problems as seriously as they are.

Think of it like this: to a depressed person, you and they are in the middle of miles and miles of desert, with no resources anywhere to be found. They are at the bottom of a deep pit, and you are still topside. When you say, "We'll get through this", it's the same as yelling that down from the top. To the depressed person, you aren't both in the same situation, so while you may get through this, they have at the time no hope of it.

> Better to say: "Do you want to talk?"

Again, they're most likely to say, "No." Yes, they want to talk, but no, they won't talk, because they're not likely to get anything helpful from it.

> Better to say: "This can happen to the best of us."

Meh. This really depends on just how well the depressed person understands depression. In my case, I'm aware that far more people struggle with it than many believe, so I already know it can happen to the "best of us". I think there's some danger there though in implying that the depressed person isn't one of the best of us, which probably isn't what you intended.

> Better to say: "There’s a lot of help out there."

This is just horrible. It feels like you're dropping them off at someone else's doorstep. "There's a lot of help out there" implies, "You should get some help! Good luck!" And, meddling with their doctor or appointments is probably not wise, either; depression is often a very private matter.

...OK, so that's the article. Now here are my suggestions:

First, be sure that you want to get involved. Depressed people can be extremely difficult to work with. They can, and often will, drag you down with them, no matter how strong, self-confident, or happy you are. You may as well think of depression as a force of nature in this case. If you aren't prepared to deal with that, then don't -- you'll only be hurting yourself. As much as you may care for someone else, you must put your own needs first.

Second, if you're going to get involved, be prepared to get very involved. Don't half-ass it, because that won't help anyone. This doesn't necessarily mean meddling, though; it just means, you have to commit to following through and sticking with it. Depending on the person, this could be a week-long, several-month-long, or life-long commitment.

Third, make an effort to understand their problems. I believe very strongly that few people are truly depressed without cause. I think that psychological depression is a kind of magnifier; when things start to go bad, for a depressed person, they go really bad. Is the person depressed because of relationship problems? Is the person depressed because of financial trouble? Personal health? A project not going well? You have to figure out what the root cause is. If you can figure it out, you might be able to help them address it, and that is probably the most helpful thing you can do.

Fourth, distract them. One of the damnable things about depression is that it feeds into itself quite nicely. The depressed person starts out with a problem, they begin to become depressed by it, they start to obsess about the problem. Many depressives are self-aware enough to know at this point that they're becoming depressed, so then they start to become depressed that they're depressed, and so on.

You have to take baby steps though. A depressed person is likely also having self-image problems, so a lot of social events are off the table. Offering to take them out to coffee or lunch can be a good first step; an outdoor physical activity like a hike or walk is a good one, too, if they're up to it; spending a few hours with them playing a favorite game of theirs or being otherwise social with them in a comfortable environment can help a lot.

When you leave, they'll still be depressed, but they'll recognize that, for a while, you made them a little happier, and that will have a huge impact on them.

Hope this helps someone.

edit: This wasn't quite long enough. :-) The article mentions briefly that changes in habit can be indicators of depression. I can't really emphasize this enough. Depression usually disrupts a person's normal habits, and that's one of the best indicators of depression. It's also a good way to help a depressed person get back on track: you can gently guide their habits (sleep schedule, eating, exercise) back into a normal routine. There may be resistance to this, depending on what's going on, but it's a good thing to look into. For example, if you suspect a friend may be suffering from depression, and you sometimes attend a gym together and have noticed that they haven't been there lately, call them and ask them if they'll meet you there to spot you on some equipment. It can keep you from getting too invested in their issues, while also helping them regain a little stability in their personal life.