> I have been called transphobic on numerous occasions for:

> - Naming someone's sex

Feels like a dog whistle when you hear it because in 99.9% of cases it isn't very germane to the discussion considering that we are talking about phenotypes and not genotypes unless it's talking about fertility or something.

> - Wanting to differentiate between those who have medically transitioned and those who have not yet, or don't plan to.

This is a fair thing to do. Julia Serano talks about the difference between classical "transsexuals" now usually called binary trans people and other people who may not have any sort of physical changes. So just bringing up that there are differences there isn't a big deal but it does put people on edge for a few reasons: 1.) the trans community is afraid of gatekeeping coming back in vogue and if you slice up trans people in any way it starts to feel like the old days when certain people weren't deemed fit for HRT or surgeries and 2.) needing to get expensive genital surgeries to get an "F" on your documents really hindered trans people's lives for a long time. I know it might be hard to imagine, but I had a friend who also transitioned as a teenager but who hadn't had her documents changed back in like 2010 and I went with her to try to help her open a bank account because she had never had one because she was so shook about the bad experiences she'd had with showing people her ID. She was shivering in the bank lobby with me there coaching her to try to give her courage. It's HARD to pass 100% as female and feel the vulnerability of that and then be outed as trans and have the vulnerability of that put on you too. Like suddenly not only are you in a feminine body but you also run the risk of being treated like a man which could lead to you getting hurt. I know that might sound hyperbolic but it's real. At least it was for us back in the day. When the Obama administration changed the rules on passports so we could get 'F' on them without bottom surgery it changed my life personally. I changed jobs after that finally after putting it off for instance because suddenly I could do paperwork without it setting off a huge firestorm.

> - For suggesting that hormones affect behaviour

This is obviously true but I do realize there are people who don't like that this is true for ideological reasons. I know zero trans people who haven't attested to having emotional changes on HRT though. And emotional changes obviously affect behavior.

> - For expressing my sexuality (I am attracted to physically female people (cis or trans))

What? Did they call you a chaser or something? Are you friends convinced that everyone has to be pansexual??? That sounds homophobic almost.

> - For expressing my opinion that someone's gender identity (be they cis or trans) is only rarely relevant to me (as people have such different ideas of what it means to be a certain gender that their identity tells you almost nothing about them).

I mean as someone who lived ~ 18 years being gendered male and almost the same time gendered female I can tell you that your perceived gender identity impacts pretty much every aspect of your life. And when I came out a lot of people who knew me from high school were like "oh that makes some things make so much more sense." So I think there is something to the idea that a person's internal feeling of themselves has some baring on how you might want to treat them or which lens you should view their actions through? I dunno.

It sounds like you're either an abrasive person who draws in conflict but doesn't realize this about yourself or your friends are particularly radical. I live in the Southeast where queer people seem to be a bit more pragmatic about things. Maybe I'm out of touch with how things are in more progressive environments.