I feel for you as I am in my own similar situation. Though I guess I only have me to blame - I am my own worst enemy.

I worked on a start-up for almost four years. It received national attention in all the popular tech blogs, as well secured seed funding. Prior to starting up I didnt know how to code, but wanted to teach myself and I thought starting up would be a good way to learn.

Ultimately after the attention and money faded it was time for me to go get a job in my new field. To get my first web dev gig was easy, as my start-up accomplishments were interesting and helped get interview/land 1st gig. THough this 1st gig I was brought on a jr. developer making horrible money, but ended up working my butt off to go from trial period to full time with benefits/better pay. I liked this job because it kept me busy and I always had a full plate of work. Though a month after I was brought on full time my full plate of work shrank(my anxiety/OCD of worrying about keeping job kicked in) to a small plate. A lot of times I would send out office email asking for work(having to do this made me even worry more about me maintaining this job I liked). I would get a small amount of work but not enough to keep me truly busy, thus I ended up taking my time on tasks .. stretching them out. Ultimately, taking my time on tasks led me to being laid off. SO frustrating as I was cranking out stuff left and right in the beginning when I felt useful and needed. Well I was out of work for three months, but didnt really start looking until 2 1/2 months out of work. There again it was easy to get interview/job because my start-up accomplishments were interesting. Well first day at this new job I immediately had those same thoughts/worries/OCD stuff - thinking this job isnt going to last. You know what ....it only lasted six months as similar thing happened. GOt a ton of work first few months then work stalled and thus I slowed down which ultimately led me to being laid off there for being slow :( Also, my worry about keeping the job continued.

Overall any job I enjoy and work hard to obtain I havent been able to keep due to constant worry/OCD crap. I have had no trouble keeping crappy, boring customer service and other medial jobs, but ones that are career oriented Ive never been able to sustain. I always worry them away whether its these web dev jobs or my NYC marketing job I landed out of college. NYC was a place i lived only outside of college. ALl other jobs Ive had have been in a smaller city(hometown) on the east coast.

Its been over 3 months since my last web job and I have been on seven different interviews. This time Im able to get interviews still because of background but since Ive worked for two local agencies for a short period time .. landing a gig I havent been able to do. Some interviews have been horrible ... like one said I just wanted to meet you as your interesting, but Im not going to hire you. Some of the interviewers personally know people ive worked for in this some what small metropolitan area.

I dont want to go back to medial jobs, because what the hell would that teach my future children, as well i really enjoy working on the web and feel I have knack for it. I worked medial jobs for five years after leaving my failed marketing job out of college. Since these medial jobs are just that and not a career, then I do not have the same worries/anxiety/OCD I do with career jobs.

Overall here I am in my mid 30s, dependent on others and like you lost as what to do. Give up any hopes of a career and just work crappy jobs or continue to face rejection until someone else gives me another chance?