I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning, if anything it is great that you are questioning whether it is the right path.

I do appreciate and understand that ADHD tends to be over-diagnosed to children due to them being... children.

I don't necessarily know what I would've done if I had been in my parent's shoes beyond actually listening, being empathetic and using my adult knowledge of the world to help. They took the meds away before I even got used to them and that was the end of meds until I got them myself last year (16 years later).

There is a whole pit of co-morbid issues in my adolescence that I believe being a considerate parent would entirely avoid. I can't definitively say that ADHD was the one thing that changed my life trajectory or made me bad at my day-to-day schooling.

I am not a doctor but I can't see the harm in starting low to get your kid into building an organizational system, study habits, learning what helps them work best, etc, so they can hopefully come / stay off the meds. No one wants to be medicated for life, not even doctors want you on any medication forever; the less you can put in, the better. Meds may not be needed, meds may be needed. It entirely depends on how much your kid is struggling, what kind of relationship you have (do they feel they can trust you and say bluntly what they need and are struggling with, is that something they are emotionally capable of voicing, etc.).

Medication isn't a panacea obviously and if you can help your kid get organized, both of you feel they can stay on top of work according to what's reasonable for their age and listen to them with patience and empathy, that will likely be as much as you can do as their parent.

My parents had high standards for me but rather than asking "how can we help? what do you need?" kindly and being someone I could rely on for help, they would scream at me and say various things that seemed helpful ("You're not average, average isn't good enough") but just ingrained that I was broken and worthless because I was trying, I was doing as much as I could and still wasn't making it.

The only reason I got diagnosed as a kid was that my brother was being diagnosed at the same time. There was no concern for me individually, it was a 'package deal' of pushing all the kids through the pipeline to figure out what was 'wrong with us'.

I am ranting now... :)

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Not to assume, but I figured I'd include this because this is _my_ next mental health adventure of figuring out officially: ADHD is co-morbid with Asperger's. The two also have many cross-overs (emotional sensitivity, sensory issues, seeming aloof, etc.) so it's worth a mention to totally rule out or gain a better context of how to give your kid the best shot. Asperger's is not at all an awful sentence of misery and awfulness to not be caught until later. Both ADHD and ASD are better 'caught' early obviously, so you and others can help create support systems to improve quality-of-life.

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I feel like my parents viewed parenting as factory line; each kid gets the same input and we expect the same output; if we don't get the same output, the kid is broken not your parenting style. Maybe this is just good parenting, but I would encourage you to consider the perspective of meeting each one (assuming you have multiple!) where they are at individually rather than where you or others expect them to be. Something I wish my parents had done was tell anyone and everyone to "fuck off" with their expectations rather than tossing me under the bus for being 'weird'.