I personally don't even like Amazon and have almost completely severed personal market ties to them, but GTFO with "investing right back".

How's that $200MM O365 performing for your enterprise, Navy? Oh, you mean you can't even reliably access email and just about everything broke post-deployment? No worries, just launch in Internet Explorer and it's sure to mostly work!

And how's that polished Teams collaboration suite treating you? A cut above with steamlined mission critical video chat that Skype hooked us up with, yeah? Oh, integrated wiki v0.1 release you say? Too bad, but thanks for the enterprise-scale beta testing, we'll be "investing right back" by providing you with an improved v1.0 release as your acquisition program office approaches a decision to exercise contract options several years from now.

And we're so sorry there's no transportability between this "Teams" and the other "Teams" deployed a few months ago...for everyone outside of your org, it's a transparent technical detail, but since these enterprise solutions are specifically tailored to your needs, just think of this roadbump as a feature!

You mean to say you needed modern source control and continuous integration capability? We're sorry, GitHub wasn't part of the contract. But hey, we know a bunch of your teams are trapped, err, voluntarily embrace our value TFS offering to process the boundless acronym soup of arbitrary work items which replaced equally arbitrary paper forms, and we know you love churning in the latest deprecated release of tfvc because git and all this command line stuff is just so inefficient. We definitely do appreciate the nice collateral revenue that all the superfluous Visual Studio licenses you've purchased through an exclusive BPA for all the managers that don't code but want to feel like they can be on point with their reports, we completely understand what it means to slowly become irrelevant. At Amazon, it's always Day 1, but at Microsoft, we understand progress and know how to get your enterprise to Day 2 and beyond!

And hey, you've got that bleeding edge SharePoint as an alternative "configuration management" tool for all your Word docs and Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations (we know you really love those) and Project files and Visio diagrams, so no real barriers there, we're here for you!

Oh, and that lean af grassroots devops team that decided it was tired of our subversive lobbying influence by making a suite of modern tools readily accessible and enable a real opportunity to flow comparable to modern agile teams, which was adopted like wildfire amongst the Pareto 20% of your engineering workforce? No worries. It's really not such a big deal that hosting on absurdly crippled AWS GovCloud puts Azure SLA in practice to shame, and it's no biggy that they were the lone entity to embrace a release of GitLab that no longer supports Internet Explorer for the sake of actual sanity and modernity. By the time your competent IT staff pushes our progressive Win10 1909 release into the wild and fixes all the network printers we recently broke, we'll have a plan in place to justify expending 9 digits of taxpayer dollars for capability that's either deficient, broken, or doesn't exist, and we'll be "investing right back" with suggestions of a new requirement that's so entrenched in our proprietary legacy baggage that no one other than us can fulfill it. Those undercompensated government engineers sacrificing career opportunities in a private industry that compensates at least 3x more for equivalent talent are just a number. We, Microsoft, are here to handle all our technical debt just for you!

I swear you can't make this stuff up.