You seem to really have a nice way of seeing things, plus being self-aware which is a great combo. I learned about teamwork after being let-go from a consulting job many years ago. At that point in my life I really needed the help, and I've been drawing on it ever since. I can add a few more things, but again, this is what I learned from Dr. Schutz ("Human Element " & "FIRO Theory"). Unfortunately he passed away but his son took over. A few tid-bits not necessarily well-ordered:

- Schutz's insights into teamwork, individuals, organizations arose after WWII. The Navy (pretty sure that branch) overhauled its officer training because too many problems occurred when the command crew could't work as a team under duress. They redid the whole thing stem-to-stern, got better candidates etc. etc. etc. Long story short under testing the results were essentially random: sometimes things rocked and sometimes same-old issues. And worse they couldn't predict which team was which. They reached out for consulting which culminated in FIRO which became "Human Element" and carried into commercial organizations thereafter.

- Inclusion then control then openness (ex. there's always a guy or gal at the office we'll be completely candid with certainly few in number) is because as a general rule each step involves more and more risk. I can blow you off for lunch but I can less afford a control issue with you over work. Openness is the last frontier.

- One of the central tenants of the work is that teamwork is busted when individuals become rigid in their framing of issues and behavior. Stuck individuals is the biggest contributor to failing teams. FIRO eschews more breezy theories that teams work great when () there's a uniting vision () strong leader () etc. the kinds of things in "the 10 things I wish I knew as a manager 10 years ago" posts we run across.

- The rigidity is a function of several things but the core insight is the individual's self-identity is threatened and they don't have the self awareness or tools to copy better. Such people remain fixed hiding behind one or more defense behaviors which attempts to deflect from that internal conflict. Eg: you talk to me about a problem. I'm afraid I'm not competent and therefore cannot exercise better control. Plus that might cost me a job, bonus, or good review. So what are two classic reactions? () Play it off: I disagree with you about quantity or quality of issue and pitch it like nothing to see here. Message: I'm fine; your perspective wrong (*) Blame: I put all the blame on others e.g. dumb ask, crappy code to start with etc.. What's common to all this: as long as we're not talking about my feelings nobody will see the truth. So I keep the focus elsewhere.

Consequently your last sentence is quite smart by referencing dynamics. It's the pair-wise interaction which engenders problems but also good repoire and respect.

FIRO to me is just some much more grounded in how people work. You're not going to roll into a situation with a Deloitte Consulting top-10 team fix list and do well. If I (or others in my team) are not too self-aware etc. etc. the outcomes are like with the Navy: messy and random. FIRO does much better.