"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you like to punch in the face?"

My sparring partners.

"On average, how long do you spend composing tweets before you post them? Do you realize that they don’t matter?"

I don't have a twitter account.

"Before responding to a text, do you wait a few minutes to make it seem like you’re doing something more important? Why? Answer me now."

Yes, because otherwise people unconsciously start taking you for granted.

"What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? Why do we always just go home and watch Netflix instead of doing any of that stuff?"

Being together.

"What’s your favorite song? No, it’s not. I’ve never once heard you listen to that song."

World in my eyes. She likes Depeche Mode too.

"Honestly, which one of us would you rather have die first?"

Her, so that she doesn't have to miss me.

"So you want me to be the one who becomes a burden to our children and then dies alone?"

No, I want ME to be the one who dies alone and her the one who dies loved.

"Name three things you find irritating about your partner."

Actually, we just discussed one today and are making steps to deal with it.

"Why do we even have a dishwasher if you insist on thoroughly scrubbing the dishes before putting them in? O.K., fine, I’m adding your dishwasher issue to my list of irritating things, too. So there."

This only seems to happen with American dishwashers. For whatever reason, they never manage to clean if there's visible food on the plates.

"If you could change anything about your partner’s family, what would it be?"

For her stepfather to still be alive.

"Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. I already know that story. And I was there for that one. It didn’t happen like that."

We all remember things differently. That's half the fun :)

"Why did you send me a link to this Times article if you didn’t want us to go through the questions together?"

That's precisely why I sent it.

"Between you and your partner, who is the better gift-giver?"

Her.

"What is your most treasured memory? I was there for that one. It definitely didn’t happen like that."

Doesn't matter. She was there and that's what counts.

"What is your most horrible memory? No, “Right now, answering these questions” doesn’t count."

When she went missing and I thought I'd lost her.

"Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time but haven’t done because you know your partner wouldn’t like it?"

Nope. We're secure enough in our relationship to do some things alone out of consideration for the other.

"Don’t pin that on me. You know we don’t have to do everything together, right?"

Absolutely.

"What do you want to do for dinner?"

Stay home, eat Kartoffelgratin, and play Killing Floor 2 together.

"If you knew we were getting dinner tonight, why would you eat a cupcake at five? All I’ve had to eat today is a cup of soup and, like, eight almonds."

Oops, sorry.

"Take turns going to the bathroom with nothing but a thin, not at all soundproof door separating you from your partner. Just sit there and hear it all."

Sure, that's our daily life anyway.

"What do you want to watch tonight?"

Das Boot. One more episode till end of season!

"Are you going to fall asleep in the middle of the episode again?"

Maybe. She might also. Some episodes we've watched halfway through 5 times :P

"I’m not the one making us answer these questions. Do you want to stop?"

Nope, I'm good.

"Do you not think our relationship is strong enough to handle these questions?"

Yup.

"How do you feel about your partner’s relationship with his or her mother?"

It's been strengthening over the years, and that's good.

"Oh, like your mother is so much better?"

She gave birth to me, gracing God's earth with me. So yeah :)

"Share a tube of toothpaste with your partner."

Sure.

"Why are you not squeezing from the bottom? Are you a monster?"

Because I like to torment her.

"Tell your partner which celebrities you find attractive."

I'm not good at knowing who people are so I can't name names, but in general 90% of celebrities are attractive by design, and don't look that way in real life.

"Why do none of those celebrities look anything like me?"

Because they spend 100k a year on it and have a team of professional photographers and photoshoppers at their service to bend reality.

"Rent a car with your partner and drive while he or she gives directions."

That's what we normally do. Driver side driver, passenger side navigator.

"How am I supposed to get across four lanes in two seconds? You have to tell me the exit earlier."

Oops, sorry.

"Tell your partner something that you like about him or her. Try to think of something. Anything."

She's the most loyal, loving and caring person I've ever met. She even gives dosh away in KF2 to newcomers when she's medic in the early waves!

"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you like to punch in the face?"

My sparring partners.