> Don't judge your self worth based on the latest shiny megacorp's inscrutable interview process.

The following comment might be too candid and too unpopular. I'm sorry about that. I need to write it down somewhere with the potential for some interaction (it helps me learn). I know I'm not alone in this feeling though. Though, I'm pretty sure the majority of people won't share my opinion. So either there is something I should correct in myself, or I'm a bit odd regarding what I'm about to say. I guess some financially independent people feel similar about this

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It's not about self-worth. My financial worth depends on it and with it the freedom and possibilities I have. Now, I maybe be biased in how I view my options.

Which is why I said, maybe I should find a career coach.

The way I see it: no job at FAANG means less secure freedom. There is a lot of freedom to be had as an entrepreneur, or as an artist. It's also a lot less secure. There are indeed drawbacks for being in golden handcuffs and not having a lot of free time when working at FAANG. But as far as I can tell: while the freedom is skewed towards money and not time, if you don't have lifestyle inflation and save up the money, you can retire quite a bit earlier.

I want freedom. I want to retire earlier.

And now that I know that I have to work at least until I'm 67, because I can't get an amazing career start, that hurts. I know it's a spoiled statement to make compared to the rest of the population and perhaps even an insult to the world to consider this normal. Nevertheless, I've worked for this goal in particular and I'm seeing nothing of it back. My family has worked at this as well, they did their best into letting me succeed. Yet, I spectacurlarly failed.

I'm not worth less because of it, but financially I am worth less because of it. And because I'm worth less financially, I am able to do less with the life that I want to do.

Of the waking hours:

- 50% of my life is spent working

- 25% of my life is spent doing mundane tasks

- 25% of my life is spent doing what I want

If I could increase from 25% to 100%, then in a sense I live 4 times as long.

Note: I like programming, but I don't love it. For me programming is similar to physically moving around, except now I'm physically moving around in the digital world. I like to do it when it's needed, but not much more than that. I'm not an athlete (a person who only loves physical movement).

There are so many things that I love (that don't make any money or are very risky). I want to do those things instead, but I've seen with a lot of family members how that turns out (bad). Startup failures are real. Life changing successes don't come around often, if at all. This is even the case when you're a person who does everything right.

Now I know that I have to be happy with living a life like the rest of us: mostly doing things that I don't want to do but have to.

I know I have to grow up in this sense (despite my age), but it's a gloomy future and one I don't get excited by. It feels too boring. I don't really see the point of it other than raising children and doing your best they can live a life that feels fulfilling to them, if you have them already. If you don't, then one should reflect deeply on whether they want to burden their children with a father who feels that life is too boring (because they are mostly doing things they don't want to do) and couldn't care less.