Really!? I wouldn't call this announcement "straight to the point" at all. It truly is quite the opposite.

First, I get that including a byline in such an announcement is meant to convey the fact that real people worked very hard on this, but I actually think that most people will see the full names and specific job titles as visual clutter.

Here's my summary of the announcement.

Paragraph 1: times are changing and I think we both know what we mean. Allow me to imply that Windows market share is growing faster than ever (data do not support this: https://gs.statcounter.com/os-market-share/desktop/worldwide, https://www.statista.com/statistics/218089/global-market-sha...). Let's draw a false equivalency between OS and hardware while ribbing Apple for their butterfly keyboard fiasco, and also boast about offering "cameras and mics built in to connect us to the people who matter most," as if that somehow sets us apart.

Paragraph 2: again, times are changing, and you know what we mean. Here are the intentionally generic product names again, with no additional information whatsoever.

Paragraph 3: as a company, in this time of change, we want you to know that we're more willing than ever to sell to you. We boast about unleashing Microsoft Teams upon the world as though that's a good thing. Here are two tweets meticulously chosen and vetted by very highly skilled marketing and PR teams to further convey our desired brand messages.

Panos out. Over to you, Robin.

Paragraph 4: in case you forgot, we're announcing a family of new products today. They're designed to work for more than one purpose.

Paragraph 5: here's a bullet list of the same intentionally generic-sounding names again. We didn't want to overwhelm you with even a tiny bit of technical specifications at this point.

- Sorry, disgruntled Apple refugees considering a switch, we won't tell you yet what the "Surface Go" actually is. Just know that it "delivers incredible value" and is portable -- oh, and it's usable by people who belong to companies or families alike.

- Perhaps surprisingly, our newest laptop is also our best one.

- Before we go into any meaningful detail, it's more important for me to pass on the message from our brand teams that the headphones 2 -- sorry, the smoothly phrased Surface Headphones 2 -- and the Earbuds "complete your Surface experience." This article is going well.

- The Surface Dock 2 is a dock that works like a dock.

Paragraph 6: whatever the Surface Go is (a tablet?), it's got a 2:1 screen aspect ratio! Let's take a break from these byzantine tech specs to mention that several oddly specific organizations, about half of which you've probably never heard of, have "chosen Surface Go." More hints as to what it is: it has a compact design, touch screen, keyboard, LTE Advanced, and is compatible with "Pen."

Paragraph 7: [jarringly sudden dump of Surface Go 2 tech specs, pricing, and availability, but presented as prose instead of a more sensible table or bullet point format]

Paragraph 8: on to the Surface Book. It all started when we set a goal to build a competitive laptop. That laptop has since been used by users.

Paragraph 9: [another block of needlessly wordy and sometimes outright redundant tech specs, pricing, and availability]

Paragraph 10: We have it on good authority that people use headphones to focus. Ours are designed to fit human ears and deliver sound. We provide a head-spinning 13 levels of ambient noise control, because Bose and Apple provide a measly three, and I think we can all agree that 13 is greater than three.

Paragraph 11: Earbuds, also designed for the human ear.

Paragraph 12: Dock.

Paragraph 13: we're coming out with a new "accessories bundle" of a keyboard and mouse, but we aren't making it clear whether we've updated the devices themselves.

Paragraph 14: you can preorder today! But only in "select markets" that probably means parts of the USA, and definitely not Mexico or South Africa. We can't link you to any further information from here.

Paragraph 15: as our brand teams would like to emphasize, we really hate to denigrate our products by discussing their tangible, specific, concrete aspects. It's never about that. It's all about "helping people find moments of focus and relaxation."

Robin out.

I'm probably about as cynical about slick, browser-killing, scroll-synced product animations as the next person, but this is no better.