I always would like to participate in these but end up taking advantage of the rules, without fail. My guess is I'd get up, walk over to the window, pull down the blinds to ensure light enters my pupils for five seconds, then go back to bed and promptly read HN for half an hour. It would still count. I wouldn't even be able to see it since I'd probably not even bother to put on my eyewear just to see five seconds of sky.

I'm trying to work out my intended goals if I'm going to attempt such a thing. I do believe cellphone usage in bed is a negative. But if that's what I'm trying to combat, I'm not sure just "looking at the sky first thing in the morning" is going to help me accomplish reducing phone usage in bed. Because once I've looked at the sky for the morning, I'm free to do whatever, and there's only one other thing I'm going to do first thing in the morning.

The same happened when I tried to follow a course on building self esteem. It consists of writing three positive experiences and three things you're grateful for each morning. The author noted: if you're skeptical at staying on track, try it for 30 days. You'd be surprised at yourself.

All that happened was that I did this for exactly the 30 days, stopped cold, and haven't found the motivation to start again. Rereading what I wrote during that time on the occasion, I fail to see what I accomplished.

Same with a 30-day morning exercise routine. My thoughts: I'm no longer indebted to follow this person's advice. I've tried it. I've forced myself through it. I don't feel any different, except perpetually exhausted throughout the rest of the day. Now what?

I still want to do these things, because there's clearly some benefit to be had if someone went out of their way to host an entire webpage for this concept, and stating that it "sounds easy" as opposed to "it is easy". Exercise leads to better health. Writing some words supposedly leads to better mental health.

Yet it always feels compulsory, like someone on the Internet has the power to control my behavior against my will, and if I "fail" the "challenge" I'll think less of myself for it. The only reason I'm doing this is because someone I don't know suggested it, and the whole point is once you start, you have to follow through. So essentially, I feel like no matter what happens I'm roping myself into something I will not stick through to the end. Then I end up dreading every moment of it, eventually forgetting why I even bothered to try it in the first place amongst how forced and tiresome it is, and inevitably go back to my usual habits.

Ultimately it comes down to consciously not trying and staying the course in equilibrium, or trying, failing, and managing to convince myself I didn't have it in me, or that I see no benefit. For something as simple as scribbling some notes in a journal.

I noticed that my desire to exercise disappeared entirely the moment I bought myself an exercise bike and put it two feet away from my desk at home.

I also tried sleeping for a week with my phone in a separate room. Cue not being able to fall asleep outright until 3-4 AM for the entire week. At least 12 AM with my phone on night mode was better for my health before.

I don't get it. Maybe when next month comes around I'll just have to try harder, as they say. For $DIETY_NAME's sake, it's just looking at the sky.