Ask HN: I broke one relationship, and missed another, worth it?
Note 1: This is a throwaway account, for obvious reason.

Note 2: I posted the same story at http://answers.onstartups.com/questions/20803/true-story-i-broke-one-relationship-and-missed-another-because-of-my-startup-i. But so far, no response. I think it would be good if I cross post it here.

Here it goes.

I started to work on my startup since last year January. At that time I had a girlfriend. She was very supportive of me when I first started. I told her upfront that the startup would be a very consuming job by itself, and on top of that I had another full time job because I needed the income to support my living expenses. She said she could cope with it; and she could find other form of entertainment and won't do anything to jeopardize the relationship. Note that at that point of time I didn't even ask her to support me, either financially, emotionally, and I didn't ask her to share my stress, work load and troubles.

All I asked from her, was to not cheat on me.

Fast forward to six months later, just as my startup was showing signs of life , I found out that .... she did cheat on me. I was heart broken and promptly broke up with her. She was sad and pleading for second chance; she wanted to salvage the relationship.

I said no.

I would need full energy and concentration to deal with two demanding programming jobs day and night; I didn't want to remain in a relationship with no trust; I didn't want to check on her everyday. That was just painful.

Then I met another girl two months after the broke-up. We showed some affection towards each other. But the hurt was still lingering in my mind. I afraid that if I launched a full-fledged relationship with her, the same thing would happen to me again, for the same reason. So I was very cautious, refraining from taking the relationship into deeper water. We were dating like twice a month-- going to movies, having dinner together, just very casual and friend-type of meeting and nothing sexual ( we were less opened to sex than most western countries). But we did SMS daily. I got this strong feeling that if I openly pursued her, I could easily won her over.

But I didn't; the cost of pursuing a girl might not be very high but the cost of maintaining a relationship is. I wasn't sure I wanted to make that kind of commitment. And of course, the memories from previous relationship didn't help.

I told her that I would be concentrated on my startup, which by the time, was showing very good sign-- so good that it was generating at least twice of my full time income ( and my full time income is already very high by my country standard), and I was prepared to go full time. I also told her, frankly, about my past relationship failures and I didn't really know whom to trust/ not to trust. She laughed, assured me that most girls weren't like my ex, and they would be willing to sacrifice for the boys.

Still, I was unsure of that, so I didn't make move.

And then, yesterday.

She SMSed me, telling me that she got a boyfriend. I was stunt, and sad. I couldn't help but feel that I actually miss the opportunity for a fruitful relationship because I was too absorbed in my work and being too defensive.

A no small part in me started to question what I believed: is it worthwhile to do a startup, embark on a journey full of risks, and break all the relationship?

Usually I was very motivated and optimistic . But as I woke up in the morning today, for the first time in many many years, tears streamed down from my eyes; a sense of emptiness engulfed me. What's the point of earning all the money in the world, and having no relationship, no life?

Is it worth it? Any advice you can give?