> For the record I left several years ago, but have many family members still heavily involved. It's an organization which does not allow you to leave with your dignity intact.

A lot of people are trying to counter this. As an ex-Mormon I do want to share my experience. Not for the people of Hacker News, but because I know this issue is hard to talk about and I want others to know that they aren't alone.

I first off, do want to start with that I was a true believer. I was winning seminary competitions and happy to defend my love for god. But then my mom died. This was terrible in itself, but my dad quickly remarried and did so to a grade A manipulator. I would talk to my best friends about the issues and ended up actually staying over at these friends several nights because of the issues with that step-parent (she did a lot of horrible things, but this story isn't about her or my family). My friends' parents, who were Mormon, were very aware of what was going on. My dad actually stopped me from seeing these friends and so they kinda just faded away (I am no longer friends with these people today, sadly). But then in class (Mormons have 3 parts when you go to church, I will say class for non-major-congregation stuff for ease) I started to question things. Why was there no steel found in the Americas? Elephants? These maps don't make sense. Why don't we pray to our heavenly mother? And it just grew and grew. Some answers I got back were nonsensical, some were "have faith", others were down right misogynistic. So I stopped showing up. This caused a lot of contention in my family of course, one that hasn't fully healed to this day. But after a few weeks something interesting started to happen. The bullies (who were Mormon) who would pick on me, started inviting me to their houses (the popular kids in my school were Mormon, no I didn't grow up in Utah). It only took going once to realize that I was there because of the parents. All kinda of people would start reaching out to me. When I told them of the abuse that was going on, they all told me that it was part of god's plan. Then rumors started and those same bullies were glad to let me know what their parents thought. I found an old journal (something Mormons are highly encouraged to keep but now I'm afraid to because it was definitely used against me) and I just thought that I believed for far too long. I believed even when I first stopped going. But I can't say that the church has the moral high ground.

So why did I leave? It wasn't so much the nonsensical parts of the scriptures. It was because the people were willing to stand by and watch abuse. They preached all day about how we need to help one another but they would only do it if it was easy (like giving food to a needy member). They protected that abuse and then they participated in it. That is why I left.

In addition, I want to add that the church does have some pretty messed up believes. I do believe that the OP's comment is true even for those that left more easily (which does not seem to be as common).

Growing up with these beliefs is hard to undo. I grew up going to stake events. Would spend summers at several family members (while mom was sick). Went to church camp. I constantly saw these beliefs reinforced over and over, __it was not just my ward.__ The way women and people of color were treated like second class citizens. The toxic masculinity that they taught (we each had our "place"). The foundation of secrets always reminded me of the Romulans. How the church treats gays. How the church talks about non-members behind their back (I know, "Mormons are the nicest people!" Please stop saying this). And when you leave, they follow. I left over a decade ago, have moved all across the country, and this is the first year missionaries have not shown up at my door (and I'm guessing that's because I occasionally play boardgames with a member, who knows my distaste).

They say that the difference between a religion and a cult is that a cult is that a cult has a charismatic leader or living prophet and participates in brainwashing and abuse. I am not afraid to say that a spade is a spade.

And to those that left or are thinking of leaving. It is hard, but I promise you that it is worth it. Reach out to others that have left (you are welcome to reach out to me). And for the love of god, talk. I know we were taught to keep these feelings to ourselves, and really we had to, but please do find someone that you can open up to. It is healthier and freeing to just be you. You are not alone.