Last year after I turned 29. At that point I've smoked weed a handful of times in my life and have not done any other drugs. But being a programmer can cause you to question life, our existence, consciousness etc etc...I knew about certain drugs that could be used for "spirit walks" but I didn't think much of it. At a younger age I was an atheist and after programming for a while and reading a few non-fictions books, I was (agnostic + optimistic nihilist). Life was good.

So last year someone told me about a shaman that comes to my city twice a year and that he conducts ayausca ceremonies. I thought what the heck, let me try it. So I paid the fee and drove out to the mountains to meetup with this shaman person. I did followed the diet that they recommended. Basically the weekend goes like this: on the Friday night at around 19:00, you drink some of the brew, it's black and weird and taste disgusting. Revolting actually. You then lay down and try to relax.. and after about 30 minutes your journey begins. I'm not going to ellaborate on that as it is ultra subjective and in a way very private, but what happens in the next few hours is life changing. He chants and sings, burns different plants (similar to smudge stick), play instruments (bells, drums, flutes, kalimba etc)... the most profound for me is that a highway of empathy gets opened up and you feel everything. I thought about my mom and I felt EVERYTHING that she has ever carried on her shoulders. It was deeply valuable. I also met my soul or inner god or true spirit. It was a childlike, pure and powerful being, sitting in a garden. I knew it was me because I was sitting where he/it was sitting. The amount love and power and purity and brightness that radiated from it was just beautiful. It had no age and lives outside of time (time is messed up in that place..), is indestructible and immortal. I'm stil agnostic but I now believe that I do have a soul and it is immortal in a way. I was also shown that we must propagate. Over and over, the concept of propagation showed up. I'm unmarried with no children (and never really wanted children), but it showed me I need to find my people (same race, culture, language, same mannerisms, someone that will aknowledge me - basically I need to find my equal mate) and propagate. That's all I want to share about the Friday night for now.

If you can sleep that night, you sleep. I did not close my eyes at all after the journey ended. I was to scared to stand up and walk back to the cabins. I just waited for the sun to come up to walk back to the cabins to take a shower. All the people there make some small talk. We were 8 poeple the first time I went. Nobody eats breakfast. Then at 09:00 on the Saturday morning the shaman gives everyone San Pedro cactus powder. It also tastes disgusting, but this experience was the best for me. After about an hour the effect come on. Then, for the next 16 hours or so you walk around in the fields/gardens at the resort. We are not allowed to speak to each other. Everything slows down. Time goes away. You are in a dream but awake. Throughout the Saturday you can ponder what happened the previous night. For I received lots of small truths about plants and foods and trees and stuff. Awesome experience. I did not vommit from the San Pedro, my body 100% accepts it. I made me feel like a timeless monk, just there to observe the tree.

At about 15:00 they serve some fruits. It is the most amazing taste to eat fruits while under the influence of San Pedro. Not only were you starving but you get to eat the fruits of nature and that in itself is a worthwile experience.

The night winds down and people go to sleep. I did not sleep that night either. I was too afraid of the dark like the previous night. The sunday morning I went home.

All in all, coming from a non-religious person, the experience was mind-bogling. It showed me where religions/spiritually possibly came from and it allowed me to peer behind the curtain a bit. I haven't explain above the full extent of the experience because it is very difficult to explain with human words what it's like. October last year I attented again and and had different experiences, example, for a few minutes when I laid stil, I could feel the electricity flowing through my body, I could feel my arms vibrate AND BEST OF ALL, I could hear everything vibrate. You know all that stuff they say about everything vibrates? I've experience it for about 10 minutes, and it was awesome.

Last year November I ate 5 grams of the Golden Teacher (a very good mushroom). I was home alone on a Friday night, so I ate it and had another mind bogling experience that night, followed by about 6 hours of CLEAR introspection. I could see my life in front of me and move pieces around as if it was my body/organs. Awesome night.

After the first session with Shaman person, that very next week I quit my theraphy cause I also saw how it was non-sense - it became a moaning session that convinced me that I'm solving my problems and moving forward, without actually making progress.

Would I recommend this stuff to anyone? Yes and NO!. You will not come out the same way afterwards and it is a one way ticket. You cannot unsee and unfeel any of it.I think about it EVERY DAY. I now eat much less meat, NO processed foods, are empathetic to the max, I do cold showers everyday. I bought small instuments (a Kalimba, Occarina and humming bowl). I burn incense a few times a week (and regularly smudges), listen to VERY different kinds of music now... basically it changed my life. I also drink camomile tea every night, with candle light (no artificial light) and play the kalimba while almost falling asleep.

Before all this I was most likely a very toxic, typical arrogant programmer type. Listened to metal all the time and ate fast foods all the time. I had a "I dont care" attitude about everything and everyone in life, including myself. All that has evaporated and it feels like that person was a different person. I also started respecting most religions, specifically buddhist and some indian philosophies. My tollerance for fundamentalist religions decreased a lot (basically christianity + islam), specifically when it comes to churches and "spiritual leader" (priests, rabi's etc). It all feels fake because it feels like I've seen/touched/felt the true religion (cannot actually call my experience that but it felt like the true reality).

Anyway I'm gonna stop writing now, I have some code to commit!

edit: english not my first language and the above was typed with haste.

edit 2: for interest sake, I was the youngest person there, both times. Was mostly people above 30 and 40, guys who are ultra successful and rich, not knowing what to do next with their lives. My purpose for going was just to try and understand consciousness better since I'm a programmer. I didnt know I was about to take the most powerful substance, and as my first psycedelic. I've decided I won't consume it again (it's too hardcore for me), but I will consume San Pedro again as my body seems to love it!