First off, I believe it is alright to be harsh on your children but instead of 'deadly and cold' harsh, a parent should learn how to motive the kid, instead of punishing him/her. In psychology, it has been proven that positive reinforcement is more effective in learning than negative reinforcement. This very basic concept should be applied to instill motivation and curiosity in children.

For example, when I was young, my parents gave me $1 for any exam I got higher than a 95(A), which taught me to not only earn good grades but to appreciate the value of money. Guess what, it is funny when you think that by giving money as reward, the kid will want to spend it on something he/she likes. But this had the opposite effect, I saved every penny I could (treasure hunt for money everywhere!) until I accrued to ~$400. I had learned the value of earning money, but not to spend it. (By the time I was about 12 yrs old, this reinforcement was not needed anymore and my parents took it away when they needed it the most- during a family crisis.) My reaction? Gratitude, if it was for the good of the family, then my savings and hard work had a purpose.

This saving habit I see a lot in the Eastern culture, and not so much in the Western culture. Asians learn to save, not to spend (money they don't have). This way of thinking will affect their adulthood- in the form of credit cards- which might help explain the current economic crisis...

Going back to treating your children harshly, it is alright up until a certain age. See, because in an attempt to protect your children from bad influence, which there is so much in this world, you have to be harsh because your children have no idea of the dangers out there and your responsibility is to shield your kids at any cost.

Results? There is so much horrible things in the Western culture that I will risk everything to protect my children from getting influenced by. I like American freedom, but when that affects our children (alcohol, drugs, sex) it is horribly wrong. Since kids get influenced more by their peers than by parents themselves (psyc tested), it is our responsibility to protect them, even if it means hurting their self esteem.

MIND IT, but this is up until a point in their growth, once they reach adulthood (college), let them free to develop their own identity. That is when they learn self confidence, self worth, independence, and creativity. So many things to be learned in college.

It is funny that the very idea of 'not giving up', an essential characteristic of an entrepreneur, was drilled into Asian children from so young. Yet, how many of those kids turn out to be Asian leaders in this world? (i.e. entrepreneurs, managers, etc). Not many. This is the dark side of Asian parenting.

A solution will be to be harsh to kids AS WELL as to explain the motives behind parent punishing. You are teaching emotional intelligence to the child, an essential ingredient for leadership success. Read "Emotional Intelligence: Why it Matters More than IQ". The book explores how society focuses so much on IQ and not EQ, turning them into unfunctional adults. So far, the best education method I have seen is at Church (I am not not religious though).

As for Westerners, how many brats turn out badly because you failed to be harsh at them? Be harsh, it is ONLY NECESSARY, but let them understand the reasons behind your decision. Give them the trust that they will understand what is best for them by following your rules- this teaches them empathy.

See the pattern? Raise children to be entrepreneurs so they can appreciate the value of money, self motivation, and empathy. Teach them in school to be entrepreneurs that create value in society- education is to blame in here- there are business schools (money driven people) but not entrepreneurship schools (value driven people).

In short, entrepreneurship (not business) ideals can solve most of the problems in society.

Where to start? Entrepreneurship school(in college).