You can't teach that sort of behavior. These habits and social norms are internalized at a young age, or through years of habituation. My children sit down for dinner every night like it's the most normal thing in the world. I'm a middle-aged man for whom sitting down at the dinner table is exceptionally stressful because growing up for as long as I could remember you ate whatever was available in the house (if anything), whenever you wanted, and wherever you wanted. I feel like a caged animal sitting down at the table, and that will never change. But I don't deny that doing so is much healthier in terms of physical and social development for my children. Conversely, my wife grew up in a household where sitting down with family was natural, so not sitting down with family for dinner is uncomfortable and unnatural for her. So I hide my struggle from my kids because even though they're good at the table now they're still impressionable young kids who are much more likely than an adult to gravitate to such bad behavior if given the opportunity or excuse. I know that because I see my oldest kid mimicking and being shaped by the behaviors of his classmates and kids; it was clear and obvious starting from when he was barely 2 years old. (I disagree strongly that television makes such strong impressions. People underestimate how well children are capable of differentiating fiction from real life, but it's dangerous to discount the normalizing effect of exposure to real life behaviors, no matter how an adult tries to frame the context.)

That's why I can deeply sympathize with the homeless couple in the story. They feel alienated and there's really nothing that can be done about that. I still feel alienated in middle-class culture. It's exhausting. Are they staring at my teeth? Am I thin enough? Did I shake hands correctly or keep eye contact long enough, but not too long? Should I have acted surprised about the cost of this or the cheapness of that? Am I dressed right? And given how desperately poor the couple was and remains and the fact that they're poor blacks living in a rich white neighborhood (making it harder to fake it, or to be stereotyped even when they're fitting in in every other way) the feeling must be magnitudes worse.

At the same time people, including rich people, shouldn't be shamed for demanding certain normative behaviors. We shouldn't fetishize poverty and the culture of poverty. We should demand sympathy, understand that bad choices aren't always "choices", and refrain from using stereotypes (even truthful stereotypes) to imprison individuals. But none of that implies we can't pass judgement on behaviors, even if it makes people feel uncomfortable. Shame is an evolutionary mechanism for coaxing us to adopt normative behaviors. It's painful, but it is what it is. We all want to live in a pain-free world--it's what every animal wants. It's not how the world works or even should work, however. We just need to be honest about it, not vindictive, angry, self-righteous, or unsympathetic. And recognize that some things can only be remediated inter-generationally.

Regularly smoking a joint on the sidewalk? Hell no! This isn't the ghetto or a trailer park. And I'm also prepared to defend people who won't even tolerate smoking, even though I deeply sympathize with smokers who feel put upon. You want to light up? Go ahead! But don't feel so entitled that people aren't even allowed to judge you for it, or pretend to be self-righteous about it on others' behalf, even if it's ostensibly used medicinally. I mean, most smoking is medicinal--it's one of the most common drugs used to manage depression and anxiety, which is one reason why it's much more common among the poor and working classes worldwide. But if you want to defend the poor and working class you don't defend smoking, you promote wealth equality. On the other hand, you have to remain sympathetic and give people space to live as they are. I think the flavored tobacco ban in SF is outright racist, but that doesn't mean I don't accept that smoking menthols is a particularly bad behavior that's also almost entirely confined to the black community and that society and even government should remain free to reign it in somehow. These are messy problems without tidy solutions.