I shut down my first major startup at 28 after 6 years of back-breaking work. In the process, I raised $xx million, experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. I was devastated and burnt out, and it took a long time to fully process everything and move on.

It's great that you're planning out your next steps now. Finding a decent-paying job to make ends meet is first priority. From what you've revealed in this thread, I'm confident you'll figure something out quickly.

Eventually, after the stress from shutting down the company and finding a new job dies down, you'll have time to do some serious reflecting on what's come to pass. It doesn't sound like you're at that stage yet, but here's some advice when you reach it:

1) Recognize What Was Lost

Don't get stuck in denial. Be honest with yourself about what you've lost, and don't try to trivialize it (yet). Perhaps you had giant hopes and dreams and they were crushed. Perhaps you feel like shit because you didn't meet your goals. Whatever it is, lay it out and don't hold back.

2) Recognize What You've Gained

We tend to lose sight of the positives during a time of crisis/failure, but trust me, even if you can't see them right now, they exist :). Being the founder of a startup is one of the highest pressure jobs you can ask for. That pressure can feel like shit sometimes, but it also forces you to grow. That growth is valuable, in and of itself. Perhaps you grew your engineering skill set. Perhaps you became a savier business person. And, perhaps there were tangible assets or friendships that you gained -- those count too.

3) Honestly Assess the Situation

One thing I hate more than anything else is when people say "I wouldn't have chosen it any other way". Fuck that haha. The stress of shutting down a company and operating in close-to-failure mode sucks! Running a wildly successful company would have been much preferred.

That said, also be honest about how it's not all bad. You grew as a person and there are lessons you learned (or can learn) from the experience. And, you have an awesome story to tell one day :).

Don't label yourself as a failure. Your company was a failure. You failed to achieve your goal. You are not a failure.

4) Recalibrate Your Values and Move Forward

So, why are YOU not a failure? To answer this question, you have to take a hard look at your personal values. What do you think is important in life? What are you chasing after?

To me, values are the measuring sticks by which people quantify success in life. Whether or not we realize it, we constantly measure our actions against our values, and how we 'measure up' determines our self-worth.

If what you value most in life is being a successful founder, you are gonna feel like shit!

But, what if what you value most in life is becoming the best version of yourself OR acting with integrity OR contributing postiviely to society?

In my opinion, there's no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' values, but some values sure are hard to live up to (primarily because they're largely outside our control). The good thing is you can change your values to make sure they realistically align with your life.

If your values are straight, you're ready to move forward. Take some time off if you need it to completely unwind. The motivation will come back with time -- it's only human to have drive. Good luck!