Bear stories are great. Except for the politics, this article feels like sitting around a campfire talking shit over beer and marshmallows.

I grew up in Alaska, where we have been dealing with this for a little longer. Actually, most of us were pretty opinionated about it (hey CJ, not here to judge, sorry about those chickens). I think people down south have to reinvent the wheel when bear populations decline and recover. It took time to develop cultural and institutional solutions to the problem, but once we had those the bear population never declined to such extent that we discarded them. It isn’t completely solved but it’s manageable, at least in my home town. My friends’ chickens only get eaten by dogs and eagles.

It is considered crucial to avoid acclimating bears to humans and trash, because the bears will inevitably be killed. The city experimented for years with a variety of solutions. Bears were captured and released far away from the town, but they returned for food. Attempts were made to condition them against eating trash using startling noises, chemical bittering agents and powerful emetics. None of this worked, although some bears that consumed the emetics learned to temporarily avoid only the contaminated foods (they would consume everything at the experiment site except hamburger and spaghetti).

Eventually city ordinances required that all trash and food waste be secured in bear proof containers, and that these are not brought to the curb until pick up day. As far as I know this is the only thing that ever worked. Unsecured trash is such a nuisance that this was mostly enforced socially in my neighborhood. I don’t know anyone who has admitted to getting a fine. Outdoor food composting is impracticable, but so is conventional gardening due to climate.

Black bears are routinely encountered around town in the spring and summer. It is important to be attentive, so as not to startle or corner them. People will lean out of doors and windows to warn passers when bears are near. Occasionally a peanut gallery of gawkers can be seen laughing from a second story downtown while an unfortunate person scurries from one doorway to another trying to find a an open door.

I don’t know anyone who has been hurt by a black bear. However, brown bears (and cubs of either species, because they have mothers) have a higher pucker factor. We have a family friend who lived in an area farther north with more brown bears. He lost half of his family to a brown bear attack while berry picking. Brown bears are not common in my home town but are seen occasionally. It is believed that they only kill humans when they are threatened or starving to death, but they still scare the shit out of me. Nearby areas in which they are common are to be avoided if possible. I have known a few people that hunt deer in such places (Admiralty Island, for example) but this is considered risky. Deer are usually hunted with high powered rifles as a precaution. Handguns are good for making loud noises, but even the most ludicrous hand cannons are considered underpowered for actually trying to kill a bear. They say if you shoot a bear with a .44 mag you should save one for yourself. Lots of people have bear mace. It’s nice to have a good dog with you in the woods. Dogs can alert when a bear is near and I have seen them harass a bear into leaving. I haven’t seen a dog get hurt by a bear, but it is scary to watch. Some dogs display a great enthusiasm for this and will not stop when you want them to.

Most people I know consider shooting a bear a serious fuck up that ought to come with a very good excuse. My friends take game salvage laws seriously as a matter of principle, and killing a bear condemns the hunter to choose between many hours of back breaking labor or abandoning a kill. Roads in my area were limited by topography, and hunting often happened far from them. I only know a few guys who have killed a bear. A friend of mine sheepishly explained that it was following him on a trial while he was hiking home with a back pack full of deer meat. He said he couldn’t scare it away, and he didn’t want to take chances because he has kids. He had to call for help to deal with it, and report the kill to the authorities. He said by the time he got home he felt worse then the bear. If you follow the salvage rule (or your conscience) you will be stuck with a mountain of bear meat. I haven’t tried eating bear but they are said to taste like they smell, and they smell terrible.

I believe that in such cases a report must be filed with the Department of Fish and Game to excuse the hunter from poaching unless they have bear tags. I have never know about anyone except tourists that trophy hunted so I don’t know how hard it is to get bear tags. I think it’s expensive for black bear, and almost impossible for grizz. I haven’t checked and it has never come up because killing a bear on purpose is generally considered a Dick Move.

It is really tempting to anthropomorphize animals and I think this is part of what makes bear stories so great. The Tlingit and Haida literally idolize them in totems, and have a wonderful mythology that includes stories like Raven stealing the sun.

(If you have never watched ravens you should. They use tools and solve problems with a compelling but alien intelligence. They are the original hackers. When I was younger one of my neighbors rescued an injured raven and kept it as a pet. She named him Frankie. Frankie could unlock his own cage from the inside, and mimic human speech in a gravelly whiskey and cigarettes voice that sounded like Janis Joplin’s angry ghost. It was absolutely spine chilling.)

Animals can also do things we can’t. In their native environment their endurance cannot be equaled by humans. A deer or a bear will continue to fight or flee when grievously injured. Unlike a human, they will not give up when they are freezing, filthy, cold, wet, or starving. They can negotiate the most appalling terrain and endure horrifying physical punishment. By comparison, we are pathetically fragile and easily capitulate.

Anthropomorphism is fun, but I think the reason animals are like this is that they can’t help it. It’s a mistake to attribute bear behavior to reason or social motives involving particular humans. Bear problems are mostly solved by not feeding them. They are just hungry, and they have one job.