Spolsky vs DHH Rap Battle, feat. Zuck
Spolsky vs. DHH, feat. Zuck
by Alonso Piranha

DHH's verses should be performed in the style of Eminem in "My Name Is," while Joel should sound like Jay-Z in "Hard Knock Life." Zuck should imitate Twista in "Overnight Celebrity." Based on http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1720050

Joel:
I'm calling you out, Hansson
You think you're so smart, and you think you're so handsome
But I'm holding your rep for ransom
Stop fronting like you're the Wall Street Journal
Your thoughts are as childish as some grafitti on a urinal
Facebook is an empire you can't begin to comprehend
And your contrarian attitude is just a passing trend

DHH:
Don't blame me 'cause you never had any friends
You're just a nerdy teddy bear

Joel:
Well you look about 13 with that spiked-up hair

DHH:
Out of any group of hackers, I'm the slickest
Plus I'm the only one here who understands business
You think the price of one share is a meaningful statement?
Then I've got a bridge in San Fran
Could be yours with a small down payment
Seriously dog, are you buying Zuck's crap?
I guess you really are one hell of a sap

Joel:
You don't know the meaning of valuation
SVN is just so much mental masturbation
You wouldn't last a minute on the NYSE
Those sharks would consume you mercilessly
You wanna learn, hit up the Chi-town mercantile
Until then try being quiet for a while
But I bet you couldn't shut up if you tried
'Cause then you'd have to face the emptiness inside
Admit it, you're a second-rate entrepreneur
And it drives your crazy, that's why you spit this manure
Facebook is a cash cow, and it ain't just me who said it
They're worth 33 billion, ain't you follow Reddit?
Zuck's hard like a rhyme by Biggie, and you're weak like the radio edit

DHH:
If Facebook's making bank like MSFT
Then why you think they need that Series E?
Their worth is illusory
If you can't see that, you're a looser, G
Go ahead, invest in Facebook, be a sucker
But between you and me
Madoff ain't got nothing on Zucker
We saw this all before in 1999
But you don't have the vision to look back in time
What can we learn from the past? Here's my Google Answer
Stack Overflow's a bust, like a Libra with a Cancer

Joel:
First of all, Facebook didn't do Series E
And furthermore, I can see Lady Liberty
From my office on the 25th floor
Your office overlooks a Goodwill store
I was in the Israeli paratroopers
While you sat in your skivvies watching bloopers
You stay up all night tinkering with Rails
While I'm up all night getting mad tail
I'm a mature gentleman who understands how to scope stocks
You're just an angry little kid with an Internet soapbox
Rails is just a toy, not ready for prime-time
Why else you think Twitter be down 'bout half the time?
You wanna talk about Getting Real?
I heard Twitter had to Rework their whole stack, you feel?

DHH:
I'm such a genius coder, they should give me an Oscar
You're still slinging ASP like an impostor
I made Ruby into a celebrity
While you still wallow in Microsoft's complexity
I'm the godfather of Ruby on Rails
But you're straight up goofy like Soupy Sales
I done wrote all the rules
And I singlehandedly invented the new school
But you're just an old man grappling with old tools
You know what they say about some money and a fool?
They'll soon be separated
And when that happens to you, I'll be elated
Joel on Software is way overrated
Stack Overflow's the most uninventive site ever created
It won't be but a year before your bank account's deflated
When you come crying to me for a room and some food
I'll throw you out like any homeless dude
And you'll be sorry you ever hated

Zuck:
Hold it
Get these two clowns off the stage
I straight run this town 'cause I'm the sage
Became a billionaire at the youngest age
Got all your social lives in my cage
Now you're in too deep, yeah you're up Fog's Creek
And your 37 Signals can't compete
With the 33 billions in my keep
You can call me a creep
'Cause I put your business in the street
And your Facebook account just won't delete
But that won't make me weep
'Cause my earnings so steep
I don't lose no sleep
May the notion of privacy rest in peace
Stop frontin' like some moguls, you should just retire
Bow down and praise the glory of Zuck's empire