Not sure if anyone is still reading this but here's story time.

I've been someone who's struggled with social anxiety for a long time. Not just with women but I wanted women in my life. I read The Game years ago and understood the book at a very superficial level. That alone got me to attracting some women, but not the women I really wanted. I saw some success doing silly routines and following step by step plans. In hindsight this was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I saw some success and figured I just need to get better at this to get the women I really want.

I did this for a few years and had some crazy experiences but it was never authentic.

Then I met her. I promised myself I wouldn't make a move because we worked together. We were really good friends for a few months. Then she decided that she was going to move overseas.

After that I was stupid one night and made some terrible move on her. Even as I did it I felt terrible inside. She rejected me, just as all the other women I wanted in my life did. What I did was very unattractive and dishonest.

Over the next week there were a number of events that happened. There was a serious physical accident, some crazy conversations and just a general, relaxed atmosphere.

After all of this we started dating. Back then I thought it was because my great moves. Now I realise it was in spite of all that. What she was actually attracted to was what I was doing in the situations in the week after the terrible move I made on her. If those situations hadn't have happened I can guarantee we wouldn't have dated.

She has been by far the best person I've ever had in my life.

Now, because I had a bad interpretation of why she was attracted to me I ended up behaving in ways that sabotaged the relationship. I wasn't the guy she was initially attracted to. I wasn't happy. She deserved better. At this stage I was an anxious wreck with no job, no friends and no future. It wasn't a way to live.

I decided that I needed a future. I ended up throwing everything away and starting over.

Different country.

Different job.

Different path.

No relationship.

We don't talk any more, which is fair. I wasn't the man I should have been.

A couple of months after I left I had no energy to pursue women. I lacked all that drive I used to have to be flirty and smooth. I was lost. Where has that energy gone? So I asked google:

"why don't I want to have sex?"

It came up with a bunch of results talking about women not wanting to have sex with their husbands. Okay, maybe I need to rework the query. Every time it came up with simple stuff like "eat a better diet", "exercise more", etc etc. I'm a reasonably fit guy that cares about what he eats so I KNEW it wasn't any of this pop factoid rubbish.

Then somehow I came across the attraction institute website. One of the blog posts was talking about how the seduction community sucks. The post talked about how it's all superficial and terrible and it prevents guys from growing... Exactly the feelings I'd been having but articulated so well.

The content resonated with me so much I bought the book almost instantly. I remember being engrossed in the book. I did nothing for a whole weekend but read it. Once I finished it and mentally processed it all I had a lot of self realisations. How I was using others around me. Why I was alone.

I got a glimpse of who I really was. I was not a good person.

The more I learned about myself the worse I got. But the worse I felt caused me to want to better myself.

That's what I meant by "Initially for the worse but in a whole a massive positive".

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This might be a bit random but if anyone wants to chat more about this you can send me an email at bcurran421@gmail.com.