The $350/hr. Psychiatrist said, "You need to go to AA---"

Me, but that doesn't work? There's this study done by the Rand Group. The Rand Group is this think tank, and they--

The Psychiatist cut me off immediately, to tell me, she knows all about the Rand Corporation. She didn't like to be told anything. I like her, but she does have an anger problem.

She then catches herself. I'm not sure if she ever liked me. She than said, "I have never been to a meeting."

Silence.

I told her I could quit on my own. She than said, "Don't stop on your own. You could die. Even two weeks later, you could get the delirium tremors." (She was being helpful. And if your drinking a lot, don't try to stop one your own. In my case he just gave me a reason to continue.)

Psychiatrist, "What don't you like about the meetings. It's the religion thing?" Me, "No--that's fine. I just don't relate to the other drinkers. I'm not doing the stuff they claim they did when they are on stage, and they seem to love those crazy stories?"

Psychiatrist, "Well why are you drinking a bottle of wine a day?"

Me, "Because I need it. I'm not nearly medicated enough."

Psychiatrist, "Your drinking because your life is terrible."

Me, I'll just agree. There's just no use in arguing, and if the tables were turned, I'm not sure if I would up my patients dose of dubious drugs.(benzodiazepines--long half life.)

Moral of story. If your drinking a lot of hard alcohol, don't even think about stopping without medical oversight. Dying is real. Then again, if your poor, like me, and don't have a fancy insurance program you can Taper down.

Taper, and Taper.

We are all suppose to have reasons we drink. Mine was supposedly a bad childhood. I don't remember it as bad. But then again, a Therapist said abused children often recall happy childhoods. It really wasn't bad. I too tired to argue again. I started drinking after a bad panic attack, that turned into General Anxiety.

Just Taper.

If your drinking hard alcohol, switch to wine, or beer. If your honest with yourself, and your drinking because of a verified psychological problem; treat the alcohol as medication. Panic attract--two, or three drinks, and stop. Stop all social drinking. Only use ethanol when absolutely necessary. Try not to become addicted. Use exercise instead.

I've been appalled at the way we treat drug addiction. I remember when I was a normal person, and had my old brain back, I rememeber when Jerry Garcia went to some new age clinic, with no doctors, to stop his drug use, out in sudo hippie west Marin--Olema.

By day two, he dies of a heart attack over breakfast. His death really bothers me. I know the clinic was well meaning, but no one should go cold turkey.

That's all I have. Just Taper. If the meetings help--go, you have nothing to loose and they are free.

I stopped on my own.

The last definitive thing I told my Psychiatrist is, "There's no way I'm spending my last twenty grand on a clinic."

If I can stop, so can you. Believe me I was a mess.

(Now I got to figure out how to quit a twenty plus year addiction to benzodiazepines? Fun? My hope is I can find a reasonably priced GP who will write my scripts. I don't see the need to put my body through anymore withdrawals, at this point. By the way, you can Taper off bupenorpine too. Don't read all the horror stories online. Just get down to 1 mg for a few weeks, and then nothing. Good luck.)

And as a comedian once said while holding a mic dripping with sweat, "Why do I drink?"

"Because I have too!"

I believe he stopped, or cut way back. Why isn't cutting way back a treatment? They all think we have no self control is the answer. Some of you do have the self control.

Wow--I went on. Just Taper, and don't hang around enabling friends. Friends like friends whom share their addictions. Find new friends? I know it's hard. Some friends don't know what they are doing. Get through your twenties/thirties without killing you self. Age will mellow you.

It will.