If you're that unhappy just fucking quit and ask questions later. Let me explain.

A couple years ago life was awesome but I was having some burnout related chest pains and worse at my first "long" startup job after some minor workplace drama and a medical procedure... we had an agreeable separation. Then the following week my younger brother started dying. I was picturing Hawaii and sitting in Alamo Square when I got the message, he was in a coma with an infected heart. Guess I shoulda followed through on that trip I started researching for him and I that Winter, nothing I could do in the situation but learn how to pray and start doing it. To a speedy recovery. Instead of vacation I set forth finding another job to be ready to jump on a plane as soon as he woke up. He woke up, and then had complications right before calling me, from which he would not wake up. Shock and horror. Then my family couldn't agree on a time to gather for his service in the same state for five months. He passed away an hour after I was rejected from Uber, my performance obviously was suffering. I prioritized working for Uber, oops, silver lining. He was supposed to wake up. I mourned each mourning and carried on. I was hired without much trouble, to a great company doing interesting work for way more money... AWESOME, back on track. Didn't tell anyone except my manager and an intern with Hacker-mind who I got kinda close with about life situation, MISTAKE. The funeral date came and I took the time off, finally. Well, then I was let go from that job literally while at the funeral by a bogus report that I tried to refute (no conflict of interest in that process...), had to un-RSVP on two lifetime best friends' weddings ("I hope to make it, if I can get hired soon enough"), couldn't get hired again so got stuck in a job with an overtly abusive boss, lost my physical health (no gym time, christmas revoked, told I was only giving 30%), saved all my money to quit that job and did it, and am now almost homeless again but this time with almost no support system and ineligible for unemployment and with a worse resume... people lose faith after a while of chronic unemployment, when your identity is programming (must not be that good after all)... not sure if I have rent money in a few days (I think so, afraid to look, small check from contracting on the way should fill it...), credit obliterated and collectors starting and ending every day with phone calls and voice mails--eventually blocked, recently. Plenty of other stuff going wrong, eg. ex-friends' SOs think I am a piece of shit and infecting their thoughts, but it's all a side effect of having no resources and literally starving (materialistic friends, oops). The company who flushed me ended with my boss's boss literally giving a satisfied smile and saying my action "T-T-Trumps any explanation" [sic] (and sick) on the way out the door. From rock star to human garbage faster than my head could spin, at a point well well well (3x) beyond burnout.

And yet I'm sleeping like a baby and not crying, while I still have a bed. And having lots of sex and not masturbating and going to the gym and getting sunlight as much as possible for the sheer hormones, as I'm not getting even sustenance level calories. Strangely getting skinny and cutting my own hair weekly and wearing 2 year old clothes (clean) has left me incredibly attractive, thought it would be the other way--boasting, what else can I do? obviously I have a fit foundation, good posture, and jolly attitude toward whatever shit the day wants to dump on. "Thanks for the shit universe, I'll eat it right up!" Mind-body, let it roll off. Life is unexpected sometimes, but it's all good. ALL GOOD.

Lifting changed my life, and adopting a stoic mindset. Cold showers every day while things were good built mental fortitude... I yearn for a time when that was the hardest part of my days. I found having a Trello board with pirate card add-on helps. I started cooking with Plated... it's a bit more expensive but I've made like 50 recipes now, can save so much money making wonderful vegetarian food for myself in very little time! I will not resort to eating Doritos etc to save money, MIND BODY.

You've probably let people push your boundaries so far in that you are no longer yourself. I cut the majority of people from my personal life, and things got a lot better very quickly. I had months and months of funk. Attitude > all. Sure I'm materially worse than horrible, but I feel good. I do miss some people but 0 > -1. Actions > words. I am blessed to have a couple of +1s, but making posts like this is bound to drive people away as I've learned the hard way... you recognize the truth too as you've posted under a fake account and cried with the shower on. God knows somebody important will probably see this, but that's okay, I have literally nothing to lose and the history will be awesome when I make it through. Plenty of people are cheering for my downfall, no doubt, and this can be seen as ammo for them if I want to be paranoid. You're doing the RIGHT THING by hiding it generally, but private support system is so important. You must learn to outlet your stress in productive ways and set boundaries, and mind-body feedback (eg. Amy Cuddy) is the foundation of your reboot.

My approach can be criticized, but that's just what unsupportive people do--totally ignore those people. If they ask specific questions and have a conversation with you then they might be worth considering and perhaps good friends, but most people are unhappy and project 1:1 with laser accuracy onto people who trigger insecurities. When your friends' girlfriends start looking at you with googly eyes for example, they will envy you even if they can't verbalize it, and start trashing your name if they're people who generally make excuses and feed on gossip about others. Know people like this? Not a friend. Just for example, it can get worse in the workplace when promotions and similar rewards are involved. What I am saying is, cutting people who aren't supportive out is good even if it feels bad. People who have conversations without being manipulative, beautiful, but that isn't most people--takes a mindset of great abundance to even be such a person. When doors close or you close them, sometimes new ones open.

Again, if you're that unhappy just fucking quit and ask questions later. Harlan JI, short for Harlan Time... time, one's only limited resource. If only I'd lived that before many of the important doors closed. I didn't know when to quit, I had to be pushed into action. Now I can only offer a silver lining through advice: Don't be like Harlan JI... value your time. Be like Harlan JI... value your time.