Holy shit that's some hilariously bad double-think justifying some really horrific parenting. Some choice examples:

>We talked about how to stop it there and then - how to bring it to a stop as soon as possible. We talked about it as a family, and there was a bit of shouting.

Go on, completely gloss over how you were treating your daughter in this interaction and use language that drops all responsibility for it. Oh no, "there was a bit of shouting", nothing can be done about that sort of thing, it just happens you know? More accurate picture of what happened: the mother recruited the rest of her family to gang up on and emotionally abuse her daughter until she stops embarrassing her by doing things she doesn't want.

And of course getting the behavior that you want is the only thing worth talking about. Because that's always the important thing for you.

>I had always been a very controlling mum when they were younger. They had set bedtimes and they ate their vegetables and all that. And I felt very out of control. I couldn't say, "No you're not going out. You need to come home and stay home and sort yourself out." Because she would say, "I'm an adult, I can do what I like."

Micromanage everything yourself and then act all surprised when your grown children aren't capable of it and resent you for trying to take control back again. Like seriously, your feelings of "being in control" aren't more important than your daughter.

>I was disappointed. Very disappointed, because I had great expectations of what she could achieve.

Translation: she could've made me look really good, and instead she didn't, and this is a gigantic problem to me personally.

>She was earning good money but after about a year, at the end of every month, we started getting phone calls. She kept saying, "I don't know where I spend all my money mum, it just goes. At the end of every month I'm left with nothing and I've got no money for food and stuff."

Okay, so she's never learned how to manage her finances, so we're going to get a heartwarming story of how you realized that you failed in teaching your daughter independence skills and made up for it with responsible parenting with the goal of creating a thriving adult, right?

>So we would forward her a sub for the next month. We weren't actually giving her money, we were subbing her until her next pay packet.

No wait, I forgot who was writing this piece for a moment, my bad. We're just going to see you do the easiest thing that makes the shame over your lack of parenting skills go away.

>Each time we saw her, a lot would depend on her state of mind, and on where we were in terms of our ability to accept her for what she was and what she was doing, and love her regardless. But at a certain point we argued, and she said she didn't want contact any more. So we didn't speak for three months.

This is the kind of self-centered story people end up telling when they're doing straight-up emotional abuse and still want to get positive attention. "But at a certain point we argued" is straight up double-think gold. Spend seven words and use language that takes zero responsibility for an event that convinced your own daughter that couch surfing in drug dens was a better fucking choice than speaking with you.

>Nobody can help. Nobody knows what to say. Everyone's desperate for it to be good news. They say, "How are things getting on?" And if it's good news, they're like, "Oh brilliant, brilliant!" But nobody really wants to hear that it's still the same, or worse. And there is very little professional support unless you're prepared to pay for it.

This is her real problem in her mind - she's having trouble talking about herself like they're she's a good mother when her daughter is out doing heroin addict things.

>And I was shocked at how nobody was taking responsibility and the whole burden was placed on us, as the parents.

NO FUCKING SHIT. This feels like she's consistently trying to do whatever she thinks is the easiest way to fix the broken human-shaped prop in her life.

>I didn't personally buy the heroin. I just drove my car to the area and she went off, injected herself, and came back

Lol. Just lol. And her husband is so distraught, and she has to deal with her distraught husband, and oh no, it's so terrible, woe is me, look at what I have to deal with. Grow the fuck up.

>I know it's boastful, but she's absolutely beautiful looking and very intelligent. I think she could have been anything. She is so massively into animals that she used to talk about being a vet, so years ago I guess we used to dream about that.

You would dream about being able to brag about your beautiful, intelligent, veterinarian of a daughter, wouldn't you? And you'd have looked like such a good mother, and your sycophantic "friends" would tell you where she got her looks from, and oh my god stop me now I'm going to barf.

>I feel 50% responsible because I think all mothers do.

You're 100% responsible, and the fucked up thing is that you've got no clue why your daughter's making these choices. You either didn't listen when she tried to tell you (all your can remember is "It's just fun"), or you convinced her that it's pointless to try to talk to you.

>Initially, in the first days she was back, I'm sure she didn't trust me.

She probably hasn't trusted you since she was 13. What you're missing is conditioned obedience. There's a difference. You wouldn't know.