I wish I could get a job someday. I have degrees and great grades and would love to work for so many places but I find the job application process so soul crushing and inhumane and lonely that I've never gotten through it to a job. I don't really think the process is evil or anything, I just have had a lot of emotional trauma so it does not work for me because I can't handle rejection like that. I just wish there was a company where I could go there and work for free for a few months and if I was able to help out then I can stay. Even if I got rejected then, at least I would see what work was like and how to get better and it wouldn't be cramming a bunch of stuff to get through one of these torture gauntlets. AI makes me so intimidated and depressed and I spend a lot of time worried that I will never be able to get a job because I can't keep up with how fast things are progressing. I really really want a job so I can move out of my parent's basement and I would like to go on a date someday and have someone to love and be loved by. Does anyone know a way for high functioning people with developmental disorders to get to where they can have a job? I admit I don't have a lot of intrinsic motivation for technology because it's ultimately nonsense to have a such a thing. Technology is means of achieving goals, not a goal in itself, so I don't believe in technology for its own sake, I just wish there was something that an employer wanted me to do for them but I can't motivate myself to do something useless. I want a job so I can then be able to afford friends and a family, and wish I could find a job it's just that I'm so depressed about my chances that I'm paralyzed. To me the statistic that matters, the real measure of quality of life, is seen in how fewer and fewer people have close friends and I understand how Facebook, automation, etc. are driving that so I am torn between trying to fight my way to where at least I can be on top of the machine rather than under it and by empathy for the way spirits are being destroyed underneath that machine and the material "wealth" or "stuff" it is producing is not a trade that I can begin to find worthwhile even if I try to fake it so until I make it so. Siiiiiiigh. Are any of you problem solvers? Can you help me at all?

It is as from Perlin's foreword to SICP:

"The computers are never large enough or fast enough. Each breakthrough in hardware technology leads to more massive programming enterprises, new organizational principles, and an enrichment of abstract models. Every reader should ask himself periodically ``Toward what end, toward what end?'' -- but do not ask it too often lest you pass up the fun of programming for the constipation of bittersweet philosophy."

I am stuck in this constipation, because I feel lonely, and I feel the computer is driving us to lonelier and lonelier ends, and, as much as I feel terrible hatred at my lack of employment, I would rather play with you than work with you if our work really is making the world lonelier and more and more dependent on anti-depressants to make up for how we have somehow missed something precious, perhaps glimpsed by Harry Harlow, in our mad dash to try to replace terrycloth and humble fare with wire mesh and our cornucopia of junk.