When I was in my second year of high school, I was put up a class for math and science. I immediately found myself unable to cope, and my grades dropped from As to Es, in a few weeks. Two years later, the math teacher for that year gave up on me in the first couple of weeks, and refused to teach me or acknowledge I was even there, after role call.

As punishment for my laziness, my legal guardians beat the hell out of me. Maybe I would learn to apply myself, they said, between blows.

10 years later, I was diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disorder/disability. I ///couldn't/// learn math the way it was being taught, nor science, economics, english, history, or any other topic I'd tried my hand at. In reality, I had burned out in the first few months of being elevated from one class to another and never had the chance to recover (just ignore the physically and psychologically abusive home life I had).

In spite of this, I struggled my way through a CS degree, which is effectively worthless to me because of the disability. The whole time, I had friends, colleagues, family, tell me that I'm lazy and just need to suck it up and do the work. Not one of them had the slightest idea of what I was going through and what was necessary to complete the courses of study - approximately 3x the work required for the same grades. The disabilities support office provided me with only written notes, absolutely inappropriate assistance given my difficulties with written materials.

My degree was a waste of time, money, and effort, because nobody will ever look twice at me. I'm overqualified and no support services are able or willing to help me, many employers won't hire me because in their minds, they'll train me up (and pay minimum wage) then ungrateful-old-me will jump at the first decent job to come my way. I've previously noted interviewers would shout and swear at me for wasting their time, threatening to bill me at their consultant rates. One employer who knew of my disability later told me that I couldn't have told him about it, because if I had he would never have hired me. My present employer hired me for a non-IT role, and then later on told me it was expected that I would provide IT support for all the office staff for no extra money - I was already working 30 extra hours a week without pay.

You may be able to bring your abilities up to a useful level, I don't know, but the question you should consider is whether it's worth the time and effort. It may well be that any perceived benefit is far outweighed by the costs and struggle. I would strongly recommend professional assessment, as being diagnosed with my disability has probably saved my life, and very much my sanity. I do get tired of people telling me that it's just an excuse and that I'm really just lazy - non-verbal learning disorders are far more than simply "I don't understand what I don't read." One genius once told me that everybody had to learn body language, I just had to force myself to do it, work harder and I'll get it. Apparently he didn't.

Don't be ashamed about your lack of ability, be ashamed for the people who think you can because they could, that you just need to apply yourself, because they never will be ashamed of their prejudice.