As I said, there needs to be a mutual trust here. The "I must have this on date D" is the PM's call, not yours. You need to trust them. If you can't, then it's already game over. The problem is not so much that feature F needs to be done on date D (if, indeed, it turns out to be possible). The problem is when every request has a date attached to it. This is where you need to negotiate. Very probably they think that if they don't attach a deadline to the task, then it will never get done. Management training has historically taught just this. Similarly, they may think that if they don't assign a challenging deadline to a task, then you will sit around reading HN until the last minute and then furiously get the work done. In other words, they don't trust you to get the work done as fast as possible.

It's that trust issue that you need to address, not the date. If you focus on the date, then you are doing exactly the same thing that the PM is doing when they complain that you insist on refactoring code -- you are abandoning trust and trying to make a judgement call from the wrong place.

Unfortunately, in this situation there are probably a few things you need to do to solve the situation. As usual, there are many ways to skin a cat, but I will tell you the way that has worked for me in the past.

First, if you have deadlines on individual features, then you have a problem. If you have features that span large amounts of time (as in more than a day or two), then you have an even bigger problem. From what you are saying, these two things seem likely.

The strategy I would suggest is to temporarily acquiesce to the deadlines. Yes, technical debt, but it will pale in comparison to the debt you will acquire if you don't fix this problem.

Next, split up the features into smaller pieces. Each piece should be (on average) about 1 day of work. So if your feature is due in 10 days, then you should have 10 pieces to build. Do not organise these pieces by design structure. Instead organise them such that every day you accomplish something that you can literally show the PM (it won't necessarily be possible every time, but do your best). Very important: doing this will require a lot of rework because you will have to put temporary design scaffolding in to make something user-visible every day. Do not avoid this!!!!! I repeat: Do not avoid this!!!!! You will have to refactor as you go. This is not bad.

Depending on what kind of thing you are building and what your deployment procedure is, try to deploy not-finished, but still useful bits as often as possible. Every day would be best if you can manage it, but don't go more than 2 weeks without a customer visible deployment (2 weeks is a rule of thumb, but you should probably view it as a hard and fast rule at first and adjust later when you have a feel for what works best). This may require you to split up the feature into sub-features that are complete in and of themselves. This can be challenging from a design perspective.

Your goal here is 2 fold. First you are establishing credibility that you are working and delivering every day. Not only that, but if you miss the deadline, the PM has a very good idea of where you are with the feature. As you surmise, they probably don't care at all when the feature is done. They just care that you are working on it flat out. By delivering every day, you establish this fact.

Second, by deploying at least every 2 weeks, you are significantly reducing the pressure that the PM feels from other places. If you have an excellent PM, they will be insulating you from the white hot pressure that other business units are putting on your team. But even the best PM cracks and puts you under the vice.

Corporate attention span varies in different companies, but my 2 week rule of thumb has worked well for me in many different environments. It answers the "What have you done for me recently" question nicely. A stress free PM results in significantly more elbow room for you. Never underestimate this.

Now, it may be that you are already delivering dribs and drabs every day or two (because your PM is already pre-optimising your experience). If so you can probably go to step 2 faster. In this step you start negotiating to remove deadlines. Since you are already delivering every day and you are deploying every 2 weeks, negotiate the amount of work that you are going to deploy in the two weeks, while continuing to deliver every day.

So, if you have 10 reports to do, don't put a deadline on each report. Say that you will deploy all 10 reports in 2 weeks and that you will deliver functionality every day, just as you always have. Also negotiate that prioritisation happens every 2 weeks. So whenever they want something, they will have to wait (on average) one week before it is prioritised into the active development backlog. This will be a hard sell, but offer the addendum, "Of course if there is an emergency, we'll have to make adjustments, and I will leave the definition of 'emergency' up to you." (The general rule is that you remove a like amount of work from the backlog and replace it with the 'emergency'. If you have to stop work in progress, then it is lost and you emphasise that 'emergencies' have a cost).

It won't be smooth going all at once, but over time you should be able to negotiate a way that will work for your group.

Hope this helps! It doesn't always work out, but like I said: you always have the option to vote with your feet if you think that your partners just don't want to dance.