My Psychiatrist has been telling me, for over two decades, "All my patients are different."

It's one of his better stock answers to questions.

I have never been truely suicidial, but I had, I guess, a panic attack in my twenties, and from the next day on I was a nervous emotional mess for years. I tried to go back to a professional school I was in, but just crossing the Richmond bridge was a feat in itself.

I knew my life would never be the same. Looking back--I'm not sure that was a terrible thing?

I spent my savings(financial aid, and dirty money) on Therapy. I got introduced to the right Psychiatrist--I think? (Yes--try to avoid drugs if you can.)

It's ironic he brought up M. Scott Peck's Book. The Road Less Traveled. It was required reading in a college speech class. Yea, I think the professor decided to become a Healer? The book has a great first paragraph. Maybe the best I have ever heard.

'Life is difficult--why not work hard in school, or work, and become someone with a great life', or something along those lines. Then he goes into the second half of the book, 'If you can't disprove the existence of a god, why not embrace religion.'

I read the book, but I was trying my best in life. I was doing the hard work. I was doing what they(society) told me to do. I was young, idealistic, and wired pretty tight. I believed I could do anything, and up to my breakdown, I could. I was one of the more capable persons everwhere I went.

Then I busted a gasket. And I was a trembling mess. I needed two 375 ml bottles of wine, just to get through the door of a chitty/easy job. I was a dizzy mess all day.

I've been in about a year of therapy, been on >10 drugs. Looked into four Psychiatrists faces.

What worked? The more addictive drugs helped a bit. Exercise helped. I didn't have a problem with a higher power, but that higher power didn't help me, even on a Placebo level.

The biggest factor in my healing was time.

And yes--we don't have much time, but it's the only thing I can look back on with confidence. I hear about people committing suicide, and I always think they didn't give it enough time. And yes, sometimes it's years, but Everyone is Different. It might be a few months until you don't feel like your in that cloud of misery? It's usually just a few weeks though. Mine was unusual according to a professional.

I have a theory, and it's just geared towards Americans, because I've never been anywhere else.

It's this:

We are so conditioned to be great; we push ourselves too hard. We take on too much stress in our twenties/thirties, and the brain which is basically geared(evolutionary) to procreate, and eat--sometimes just breaks down, and we get OCD, depression, anxiety, etc.

Most of you will be able to work towards having everything, but some of us will break down.

I really don't have any advice, other than don't beat yourself up. Work, or to school, but don't work youself sick. Don't try to have everything right out of high school, or college.

It's just so hard to have everything in life. By the way, most people don't have everything. Everyone I know is missing something. There's the person with the great job, and can buy anything, but is all alone. And the reverse. We're all kinda misserable.

My heart goes out to anyone in agony. Just please give it time.