This is a foolish article, through and through.

Let's examine this silliness:

The thing is, I can’t figure out who this is for other than those who are on really old machines. Myself, and everyone else, seems to be wondering what, exactly, is the selling point of this upgrade. I have a MacBook Pro 15" from 2013 and it’s still going strong and the majority of the time it’s plugged into a large display for creative work, coding or whatever.

Um, the selling point is that it's more than twice as fast for graphics and many operations, jumps forward TWO GENERATIONS in CPU, has much faster storage, is significantly smaller and lighter, etc. In other words, it's more of an upgrade than the MBP line has had in several years.

Touch Bar is a great example of this. First, it feels like an excuse to not just add touch to the Mac in the first place. While Microsoft is busy letting you touch the entire display, Apple’s making you look down at your keyboard to interact instead — bizarre.

That's because being able to touch the entire display is stupid and does not work ergonomically unless you are holding the device IN YOUR HANDS, which doesn't work for a laptop, obviously. Apple examined this idea and rejected it. On purpose.

Then the article gripes about there being two versions of the 13" MB Pro and asking why they don't call the non-touch-strip version the MB Air. The obvious answer is that there is already a MB Air, which is a different model and still for sale.

The event also left Apple with a ton of bizarre loose ends. At the iPhone event in September, Apple told the world that headphone jacks were dead because wireless headphones are superior — so why is there a headphone jack on the Mac? Even worse, Apple has delayed its wireless headphones which were supposed to change the world.

No. Apple did not tell the world that headphone jacks were dead. Apple told the world that they couldn't justify putting one in the iPhone because of its form factor, which is of course entirely different. And no, Apple's wireless headphones were not "supposed to change the world". Lastly, if AirPods are not ready to ship, they aren't ready to ship and it would be obvious idiocy to ship them.

Why can’t you plug the Lightning headphones that come in the iPhone box into the new Mac?

Why can't you plug basically ANY headphones shipping today into the vast majority of amplifiers shipping today, which have 1/4" jacks, without using an adapter?

Why doesn’t the iPhone come with the right cable for the new MacBook Pro?

Obviously, because Apple hadn't shipped a single USB-C product at the time the iPhone 7 was released, so it would be idiotic to give folks a USB-C cable. In addition, the writer is too stupid to figure out that the release of a new MB Pro doesn't mean that everyone magically and instantly upgrades. You have to think about supporting the hardware base that is already out there.

Why doesn’t Apple make a screen that properly works with its own devices?

Because that's not judged to be a challenge worthy of Apple's resources and is just as well handled by third-party manufacturers who can do it cheaper.

How do I charge my Lightning cable mouse?

You flip it over and go get coffee for 5 minutes every month or two, you obtuse wanker.

Why remove the HDMI port, a standard that’s still incredibly popular for plugging into TVs?

Because the machine is now too thin to fit an HDMI port in the side, and because Apple is pushing wireless means for this purpose (AirPlay).

Why remove the SD card, a popular slot for… creatives using cameras?

Because at some point, you have to make choices. We don't have parallel ports and 9-pin serial ports anymore, either.