My background: I'm the parent of an 11 year old boy with "highly verbal" autism spectrum disorder (think Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory) and have made many connections with parents, children with all forms of special needs, and caregivers through peer groups, school interventions, etc.. He wasn't always verbal, that came with therapy.

A peer of his in school, I'll call him John, has a problem. To parents, his own and his friends', he's what one would politely describe as a terror. No respect for property or rights, no consideration for feelings, constant lashing out, and an almost masochistic "bring it, bitch" attitude to anyone who might suggest disciplinary action or consequences he might find unfavorable. He invites it.

He was diagnosed with conduct disorder. His parents' unpredictable methods of discipline, their lower income status compared to their peers, and lack of an "always home when I'm home" parent were significant factors in what developed into the behavior ultimately diagnosed as conduct disorder. At 7 years of age (3-4 years ago) he had already identified other kids who would support his behavior, even encourage it. There was even a time when substance abuse was considered, but his parents spied on him pretty hardcore (that didn't help, either, I might add, and it often won't) and determined that not to be the case.

I've followed this family for five years, and seen encouraging improvements since diagnosis last year. First, it qualified him as having a disability, so ADA kicks in and makes programs available to him in school, such as an IEP (individual education plan), disciplinary changes, and support staff/interventions (sometimes called "pull-outs", where he goes to a different classroom for part of his day). Second, a developmental pediatrician and pediatric psychiatrist worked with the family on a treatment program. One that, in his case, included prescription medication, and I mention that incidentally; I know many folks have problems with their child being given a prescription that changes their behavior or mental mode, but I don't want it to go unnoticed that, for many, they can indeed help. In John's case, it gave him enough of a "mental quiet" that the behavioral therapies at home and school would have a chance to reach his mind before his rage shut it out.

My strongest advice is: take him to a pediatric psychiatrist. ASAP. Even if you think he'll fake it when he's being tested. And be direct and honest when asked about his home environment. If the doctor doesn't have all the data, they can't help effectively, and it can only hurt your child's future to get the wrong therapy.

And please, if you or your wife need pharmaceutical help to be calm and clear-minded with your child, talk to a doctor. Your son's parents need to be calm and consistent, even though that means more work for you. Calmly remove the things he damages. Do not be goaded into a physical response, it does not work. If you have to take shifts standing in his doorway to keep him in his room, it's far more effective than locking him in there.

Mom and dad need to be trusted again. Therapy will help.

Hang in there.

Also: read more about it here: http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Fami...