Another spectacular example of how to put your medium entirely in the way of conveying your message.

Stripped of cruft, and I'm writing as someone sympathetic to the message, there's not much there there:

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This Is Your Life, Brought to You by Private Equity

Since the financial crisis, the private equity industry has become hugely influential. Here’s how it plays out in your daily life.

By JENNIFER DANIEL, JOSH WILLIAMS, BEN PROTESS and DANIELLE IVORY |

A few years ago, that glass of water might have come from your local government. Today, it could be courtesy of a private equity firm. It may taste the same, but there’s a good chance your bill has gone up.

Private equity firms are essentially savvy bargain hunters. They make money by buying up businesses they consider to be underperforming, looking to maximize profits and eventually sell them off.

These investors have lots of money at their disposal, mainly from rich individuals and pension funds. They also face fewer regulations than banks. Since the 2008 financial crisis, they’ve expanded their horizons and begun shopping for bargains in new places.

Their reach is probably all around you, from the clock on your wall to the toilet paper in your bathroom. And now, private equity firms are increasingly taking over services usually reserved for the government.

Let’s say that, like most Americans, you drive to work.

These roads, bridges and highways are increasingly maintained by Wall Street investors. They either own the road, or manage it on the government’s behalf.

When you get to the office, Wall Street firms can also be found in your parking garage, where they collect your cash.

Even if you don’t drive to work, private equity can follow you onto trains, too.

Some towns without stops complain that they will get the annoyances of train traffic, including noise and delays, without the economic benefits of having a station. Fortress, for its part, says its project is creating jobs and taking cars off the road.

Private equity also helps oversee public golf courses in several states …

… it builds courthouses …

… it invests in private schools down the street …

… and in the local newspaper. New Media Investment Group, which operates in 31 states, is associated with Fortress, the firm building the train in Florida.

Now that you’ve made it to work, you might be sitting inside a building controlled by Blackstone, a huge private equity firm and one of the largest landlords in the country.

Private equity can follow you back home when you pay your monthly mortgage. After the 2008 housing crisis, private equity firms expanded dramatically into the mortgage business, as the nation’s banks struggled.

So, welcome home. It’s dinner time.

You might think that you paid for your fire department with your taxes. But yours happens to be run by a private-equity-owned company, and you’ll likely receive a bill for their services ...

… even if they show up late.

The paramedics who treat you for smoke inhalation might show up late, too. Response times for some ambulance companies under private-equity control have worsened.

So, relax, drink a glass of water and go to bed. Sweet dreams, tomorrow will be a new day with private equity.

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