I'm making a throwaway so as not to be associated with "conspiracy theories", which is a ridiculous charge given that I'm part of half a dozen "conspiracies" and so is any reader who's ever been part of any organization, of any size, including a simple startup with six customers. As we know tens of thousands of people belong to organizations whose missions would be described in the most neutral possible, and only possible, terms as conspiracies, by any definition.

So anyway this really pisses me off. Because AWS is a service, it's the backbone of the next net. Where you summarize:

>Or, in summary, "Uninterruptable power supply is actually interrupted."

I summarize it as "article is a series of over the top stories that are to a cover story as santa claus is to dad."

Come on. If someone's UPS failed, they would be PISSED, the UPS literally has ONE JOB. They would fire the UPS company and bitch and moan about it and completely decry fly wheels etc. They wouldn't be like, "meh, it sagged."

This is like "here's our fully redundant, great architecture. Explain how it all went down." I mean you can explain fucking anything that way. Here's why a nuclear missile disappeared. First of all, the guy who was in charge of it had a really bad headache, so he stayed home. Normally it would have meant the place would be left empty. But the cleaning company had just gone bankrupt, and the place hadn't been cleaned for weeks. Now normally it's no problem if there's no cleaning for a few weeks in a nuclear silo, but in this case there was a fear that a previous worker had some esoteric disease so it was important to resterilize the place every day. so the decision was made to let a replacement company in. Now, normally a replacement cleaning company has to go through a background check, but in this case there was a national outage over the infrastructure that the background check runs under, so rather than perform the background check, more crapity crap crap, then a decision was made to allow a trusted employee to just go and perform basic cleaning. The trusted employee had a previous heart condition that led to a sudden heart attack causing him to fall right in the middle of the automatic doors, which opened, and closed, and opened, and closed, in a cycle that would have been comic if not for hte dead body. Now normally there's more than one automatic door between a nuclear silo and the local 7-11 but in this case the inner doors had just been removed for replacement by an even better and more secure version so it's just bad timing. anyhoo luckily some local teenagers were walking by and noticed the automatic doors pummelling this poor dead body so they did what could be reasonably expected and went inside to tell everyone, hey, there's this dead guy being pumelled by doors opening and closing. They didn't find anyone inside, because as we said the whole place was empty, so they looked for a number. There's no cell phone reception in the area because we disable it whenever we shutter up shop at our nuclear silos, so they grabbed the first thing they saw that had a telephone number on it, which happened to be an 1200 pound tactical nuclear warhead with a prominent emergency number, and unfortunatey they didn't have anything to write with (they were skaters making a skating video and so only one of them had their phone on them, so they wouldnt' damage it, and that one phone was full from all the videos they took.) They didn't take the time to trim the video since htey thought it would just be faster to take the warhead and hen return it later, so they just put it onto their truck with a dolly and started going home so they could skype for some help. They didn't attach the warhead very securely and didn't notice but it did drop at some point on their way home, however by the time they noticed they saw that one of them had actually left a cell phone with reception on, so before turning around to look at the warhead (which they didn't know what it was) they decided to google for some contact info, and luckily found the help line and reported the dead guy in the automatic doors. They had also moved the dead guy out of the way on their way out, and after the doors closed since the guy was dead nobody else would have used or known his access key so all's good. Anyhoo the scene was quickly investigated, the teenagers were very honest and were very clearly seen on tape taking the warhead and didn't deny any of it, and so at this point authorities just need to retrace their route and find the point in the forest where their truck dropped the warhead. they didn't have gps (not remembering that they had that extra phone in the car) so they didn't know their exact path, but since htey didn't recognize the warhead it's unlikely anyone else would either. so overall it's just a series of unfortunate coincidences really and security wasn't basically compromised.

ugh. that took me so wrong to write. almost as long as the over the top story we just read. it's ridiculous.

it could be summarized as Here's why we're firing our UPS provider for not doing the one single thing they're supposed to do, here's why it will never happen again.

but why am I calling them out on all this?

Because it's their JOB not to fucking disrupt normal people's internets. they are losers flying in the face of 100,000 years of steady advance in humanity so that we could have reliable cloud services, coming up with completely implausible over the top explanations.

dont' do that. like that time come on, lightning hit gmail so that a few specific people's specific files were lost. come on.

it's fucking ridiculous and unjustifiable. get real jobs or go home. don't waste humanity's time and destroy progress.

tl;dr: I don't believe the write-up and don't want people to do that again.