I hit 50 two years ago. I didn't mind turning 50. It was the constant stereotyping that society(at least in the U.S.) that finally got to me.

I recall hitting 50 and not giving it much thought, but it seemed like when ever I turned on any from of media, I was reminded of all the pitfalls of getting older. It's so depressing, I am thing about getting rid of cable. I'll still watch movies on my devises, but I need to tune out the commercials, and warnings? And yes, I got it tobacco causes cancer. I smoke one, or two cigarettes a week, and been around people who smoked; yes--I got it. I raised my chances of getting cancer. Enough?

I have been kinda neurotic/hypochondrical my entire life; I don't want to be reminded daily I'm going to die. Oh, those cancer center commercials? I don't care how sick I was I would never go to one of those centers--just on principle. I really hope that company goes bankrupt. Actually, I wish we could ban all medical/Pharmacutical advertisement.

As to getting older, I don't like it. I had better ideas when I was younger. I guess because my testosterone is startling to go down, the world is definetly lets say-- a little less colorful? My sex drive is way down, but I'm kinda ok with that. I can focus on boring stuff better than when I was younger. And I find web developement boring! Sorry, I don't get excited about this industry. I'm drawn to it, but never got the romance some of you have for the industry? I am just a web developer, self employed, and always needed to do other things to make a living. Maybe that's why? Or, maybe I've never been totally in love with anything I've done? I have a ton of interests, but I never fell in love with any of them?

The one thing I really wished I did differently is I wish I made friends with people younger than myself? I know it sounds selfish, but it seems like so many people I knew are gone? For some reason, I didn't really like my generation.
I found I had more in common with people who were 15 plus years older than myself? I had some really good friendships. Friendships that were solid. Friends that I could trust with my innermost secrets. I don't have that anymore. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but don't do what I did. It's lonely.

That's about it. Oh, yea, if you have an anxiety disorder, getting older does releave some of the symptmology. When I was younger, I just couldn't relax. I still can't, but I'm better than I was?

If you ever bump into me, please don't call me Sir. I am still not my father, and don't think I will ever turn into him. I'm still scared, and don't have confidence. I still look at the rest of the world, and still don't feel I'm one of the grown-ups? I am not one of them! I've never fell like I'm entitled. I don't demand respect. I know I need to earn it. I don't understand mean/narcisstic individuals. I like some rap, but don't get Kayne, or Beaver? Don't think I ever will? I think tattoos are fine, but never got one. (I never got one because I thought they looked like bruises, and reminded me of people who had liver disease.(platelets not forming as they should?). In other words, I'm not really that different than the young man I used to be, just look older.

I sure miss my dogs! I wish they lived as long as we do?

Bye!