UPI Washington DC, Update Desk			4/15/93

  For the past several months the Clinton administration has been
  stymied by mixed signals coming from the economy.  While most
  leading indicators has shown an apparent improvement in the 
  economy, there has been no corresponding improvement in the area
  of jobs creation.

  The unemployment figures seem stalled at the 7% mark.  last month,
  in an effort to understand this problem, President Clinton appointed
  a blue ribbon panel to try to resolve the apparent conflicting
  economic signals.  This panel was chaired by Vice President Gore.

  Today the panel released their results, providing a shocking conclusion.
  "It's the guns" Vice President Gore said.  Apparently NRA members, and other
  "gun-nuts" are purchasing firearms at in record numbers, pulling the
  economy out of the recession.  "Their buying them five times faster than
  ever before, and stockpiling left and right", the Vice President said.  

  However, since many domestic firearm and ammunition manufacturers have
  been experiencing hard times during the past few years, including several
  declarations of bankruptcy by many leading American gun makers, they have
  not rushed to increase hiring to meet the new demand.

  "We want to see if this run will continue before hiring more people", said
  the President of Colt industries.  "As long as Clinton is in office, we
  suspect it will", he added.

  In response to this new information, President Clinton announced a new
  Gun Control measure to be introduced into Congress this session.  It's 
  called the "Ban-One-A-Month" Gun Control Bill.  Under the terms of this law,
  every make and model of all firearms will be written on individual index 
  cards.  The cards will all be put in a big hat and the President will draw
  one card every month.  Sixty days later that gun will be banned from any
  further manufacture/importation or sale in this country, except to the
  politically connected and to members of the National Police Force.

  The President said, "This law will benefit America two ways.  When the
  Gun-Of-The-Month is announced every thirty days, the gun-nuts will run
  out and buy thousands of them, boosting the economy even more.  In addition,
  over the long run, we will get all of these icky-evil guns off of the
  street."  He also announce the appointment of Sarah Brady to oversee
  this program, citing her "Honesty, and unbiased view on the subject
  of gun control".

  Senators Metzenbaum, DeConcini, Feinstein, and Boxer have proposed an
  amendment to the Bill which would add additional index cards containing
  caliber designations for all know ammunitions.  "Their stockpiling,
  stockpiling, stockpiling" screamed Metzenbaum during a press conference
  at the national Headquarters of Handgun Control Inc.

  Senators Simon, Metzenbaum, and Moyenhan also introduced an amendment
  that would make all guns illegal to possess once the last card has been
  drawn from the hat.  Senator Simon was quoted as saying, "First we'll
  fuck em, then we'll kick em out of bed in the morning", during a press
  conference he held in the second floor Mens Restroom of the Senate
  building.  He of course was referring to the fact that he would allow
  the people to purchase the guns to help the economy, but would require
  the BATF to seize all of the guns in America sometime in the year 2008,
  after all of the cards have been drawn.

  The head of the BATF responded by saying, "We will have to see if this
  thing in Waco is over by then.  We may be too busy to seize all those
  guns".

  US House Representatives Pat Schroeder and David Skaggs of Colorado
  declared this proposed law as being "reasonable gun control which won't
  affect anybodys Constitutional right to own sporting guns".

  - end article -

  For the humor impaired :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-) 

                                Bill Vojak
                                vojak@icebucket.stortek.com
				NRA, ILA,
                                Colorado Firearms Coalition
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The CBS Nightly Propaganda With Dan Rather. (RATHER NOT!)
The CBS Nightly Propaganda With Dan Rather. (RATHER BIASED!)