THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT The humming stillness of an American suburb on a summer's day : nannies push strollers, joggers jog, mailmen deliver, dogs are walked, kids shoot hoop in wide open driveways. On a quiet, tree - lined street we pick up two young athletic - looking boys riding bikes. LASER ALLGOOD -LRB- 15 -RRB- and his friend, CLAY -LRB- 15 -RRB-. Like bats out of hell they pass block after block of charming, evenly spaced houses until they round a corner and drop their bikes in front of a large ranch house.

INT. CLAY'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER They walk inside. We HEAR a baseball game on TV in another room.

INT. CLAY'S, BATHROOM - LATER Clay pounds on blue pills with a hammer, reducing them to powder. Laser watches. LASER I do n't know, dude. Clay cuts the powder into lines with a school ID card. CLAY B minus in geometry, yo! This shits the bomb! Clay rolls up a dollar bill and takes a snort. Then hands the rolled up bill to Laser. CLAY -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Add it up, son. Laser takes the bill, bends over and snorts a line.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - GIRL'S BEDROOM - DAY Part Oxford reading room, part teenage girl's lair. Leaning against the bed we see JONI ALLGOOD -LRB- 18 -RRB-. It's her room. She pours over a game of Scrabble. Sitting next to Joni is her best girl friend, SASHA, -LRB- 18 -RRB-. Sasha's checking out Joni's FACEBOOK PAGE. Joni's best guy friend, JAI -LRB- 18 -RRB- sits across from her, calculating his next Scrabble move. SASHA Oh my God, Joni, there are so many hotties in your class. You are so gon na hook up the first week. JAI Just cause you're a 24 hour drive - thru does n't mean everyone else has to be. SASHA Hey, she worked her ass off! She deserves some hot jock sausage! Jai looks repulsed, and hurt. SASHA -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- -LRB- flip. -RRB- Whatever. Why do n't you guys just do it and get it over with? Joni and Jai blush. They're both too scared to admit their crush on each other. SASHA -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- What? I'm just asking. JAI Uh, maybe because we're friends. SASHA Oh, really? Sasha turns to Joni like an agent provocateur.

INT. CLAY'S HOUSE - TV ROOM - LATER Laser and Clay wrestle on the floor while Clay's DAD watches a baseball game on TV. They bump into the couch. Clay's dad looks back, menacing. CLAY'S FATHER Hey, ladies! Take it down a notch. The boys keep wrestling, wired from the pills. Again, they knock into the couch. Clay's dad spins around, pissed. CLAY'S FATHER -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- What did I just say?! The Dad grabs Clay, pulls him off of Laser and over the couch. He gets his son in a headlock, forcing the boy's face into his big fat sweaty armpit. Both Dad and Clay enjoy the brutal play. Clay laughs manically. CLAY Let me go! CLAY'S FATHER Do n't do the crime if you ca n't do the time. CLAY Dad, your pits smell like burnt ass! Get off me! As Laser observes this male - bonding between father and son, we note a trace of longing on his face.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM Joni, Laser and JULES ALLGOOD -LRB- 40's -RRB- fair - skinned, attractive, sit before well prepared dinner. Still buzzing, Laser taps his fingers incessantly on the table. JONI Laser! Knock it off! LASER What?! I'm not doing anything.

EXT. HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - MAGIC HOUR NIC ALLGOOD -LRB- late 40's -RRB- pulls up into the driveway beside a beat up white TRUCK covered in AA slogan bumper stickers.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM - EVENING Nic enters. Drops her bag and heads for the table. NIC Hi guys. Sorry I'm late. JULES Do n't worry. We just started. NIC 27 fibroids. All in the lining. She kisses Jules. JULES Honey, that's disgusting. We're eating. JONI Did you do that laparoscopically? NIC That's right, Smart Girl. And we got ` em all. As Nic settles in. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Hey, whose truck is that? JULES Mine. NIC Yours? JULES For the business. NIC What business? -LRB- getting edgy. -RRB- The gardening? JONI -LRB- protective. -RRB- Is n't it landscaping. JULES Yes, thank you very much. NIC -LRB- strained. -RRB- Okay. -LRB- then. -RRB- Do we have any Cabarnet left? JULES I did n't look, honey. Nic gets up and goes to the kitchen for wine. Laser's cell phone RINGS. He answers it. LASER Hey, what's up? Jules puts her hand on Laser's arm. JULES Laser, no phone calls at the table. LASER -LRB- into phone. -RRB- Lem me hit you back. Laser hangs up. Nic re - enters with a large glass of red. NIC -LRB- sitting down. -RRB- Who was that? LASER Nobody. Clay. Jules and Nic share a look. Jules starts making maternal windshield wiper strokes with her thumb on Laser's arm. JULES Can I ask you something? What do you get from your relationship with Clay? LASER What do you mean, `` get''? Laser looks down at Jules' thumb on his arm. JULES Do you feel like he's the kind of person who will help you grow? LASER Mom, you're windshield wiping me. NIC Hey, did you start on those thank - you notes for your birthday gifts? JONI Not yet. But I will. NIC I just think it's easier to knock them out when it's fresh. JONI Yeah, I know, I'll do them tonight. NIC Great. I mean, you do n't want to have to start with an apology. You know? Then it's embarrassing. JULES Okay, honey. She got it. Let it go. NIC Okay, I'll let it go. -LRB- then. -RRB- I mean, if it was up to you, our kids would n't even write thank - you notes, they'd just send out good vibes. Nic takes another swig of vino and smiles at Joni through increasingly plum - stained teeth. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I ca n't believe my baby's 18. JULES I know. NIC -LRB- devolving into baby talk. -RRB- Big girl. You're a big girl. JONI Mom. Joni mimes wiping her teeth. Embarrassed, Nic starts licking at her stained teeth.

INT. JONI'S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT As Joni cranks out thank - you notes, Laser enters. JONI What? Laser looks nervous. LASER Have you thought any more about, you know, making that call? JONI Yeah. I do n't want to. LASER Okay. I was just wondering if you changed your mind. JONI I have n't. He starts to leave, but her answer bugs him. He turns back. LASER How can you not even be curious? JONI Sorry, Laser. I just do n't want to, okay? I'm leaving soon and I do n't want to deal with that right now. -LRB- co - dependent leak. -RRB- And also, that could really hurt moms' feelings. LASER God, why do you worry about them so much? They do n't even have to know about it! JONI Look, you can do it when you turn 18, okay? LASER I never ask you for anything. Laser walks out of the room. Joni feels horrible.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - THAT NIGHT Nic and Jules lay in bed watching TV, unwinding from the day. NIC I just do n't understand why you bought the truck now. JULES Because if I'm starting this business I need something to haul my equipment in. NIC Okay. It just seems a little cart before the horse. JULES What does that mean? NIC Sweetie, you do n't even have any clients yet. JULES Well you're the one who's always telling me to `` act as if!'' NIC -LRB- back peddling. -RRB- That's true. I do. You're right. The women settle back. Nic sees Jules feels bad. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Look, I'm sorry. It's good you bought the truck. Its proactive. Nic caresses Jules' arm, wanting to make it better. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Hey. Jules does n't look at Nic. She keeps her eyes on the T.V. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Wan na watch a movie? Jules perks up. Nic immediately regrets her suggestion. JULES A movie - movie? NIC Yeah. We have n't done that in a while. MINUTES LATER - NIC AND JULES are cozied up side - by - side facing the TV. ANGLE ON - THE TV The volume is turned low on TWO NAKED MEN lying on a chaise longue. One guy fellating the other.

INT. STAIRCASE - SAME Joni tiptoes up a dark staircase and enters an office off the mom's bedroom. She heads for the desk and stealthy opens a drawer. She rummages though with clear intention. She pulls out a FOLDER and studies the cover. We see the words : `` Pacific Cryo Clinic : Bringing your dreams to life.''

INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER ANGLE ON - THE BED We now only see Nic. Jules has slipped under the blanket, and is now between Nic's legs. We see Nic trying to get into it, but having a hard time. NIC I do n't like the guys in this one. They're too shaved. JULES Do n't focus on it. NIC How about the one with the biker gang? JULES We left it in Hawaii. Jules wrestles with the blankets. Wants them out of her way. NIC -LRB- pulling them back up. -RRB- I'm cold, honey. JULES Sorry. I could n't breathe. Jules wrangles the blankets, trying to cover her partner. The transition is awkward and Jules gets caught in the top sheet. As Nic repositions herself, she leans on the VOLUME CONTROL BUTTON and suddenly the porn is blasting at full volume. MAN IN MOVIE Suck that fat cock mother - fucker. NIC Shit! Where's the remote?! MAN IN MOVIE I'm gon na fuck that tight ass! Jules and Nic both dive for the remote. It's lost under the mass of bedding. They struggle to find it as the grunting and 70's disco music blares.

INT. OFFICE - JONI Joni turns to the wall, confused. She hears the porno music pulsing though.

INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER Nic finally recovers the remote and hits mute. NIC Jesus Christ! Nic flops back, traumatized. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- The whole neighborhood heard that! JULES No, they did n't. NIC Well, that was a vibe kill. Jules looks defeated.

INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Joni turns back to the file on the desk. She flips though some pages of documents and stops. CLOSE ON a PHOTO of a 4 YEAR - OLD BOY standing in a sandbox looking straight into a camera with a big, open grin.

EXT. FARM - DAY We see that boy, 35 years later, carrying a box of tomatoes and putting them in the back of a truck. This is PAUL, Joni and Laser's biological father.

INT. PAUL'S RESTAURANT - "WYSIWYG"    - DAY Paul walks in carrying the box of tomatoes. He approaches TANYA, -LRB- 30's -RRB- the restaurant's super sexy hostess. PAUL How you doing, foxy? TANYA Mm, flapjack, you're smelling ripe. PAUL Oh, sorry. TANYA No, I like it. It's earthy. PAUL What can I say. I've just been out there, you know. hoe - ing. -LRB- looking at the seating chart. -RRB- How's it looking tonight? They stand close to each other, peering at the chart. TANYA Gon na be tight. PAUL Really. Paul's cell rings. He gives Tanya a hand squeeze and heads for the kitchen, answering. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Hello. WOMAN'S VOICE Hi, is this Paul Hatfield? PAUL It is. Who's this? WOMAN'S VOICE My name is Wendy Minter. I'm calling from The Pacific Cryobank. PAUL Okay. What can I do for you? WENDY I just need to confirm that you donated sperm with us between 1991 and 1993. At the mention of the word sperm, Paul goes pale. PAUL Yeah. I did a little bit of that back then.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Paul enters. The kitchen is humming with COOKS prepping for the dinner rush. He looks around for a quiet spot. WENDY As you know the Cryobank has a confidentiality policy which prohibits us from releasing your identity without your consent. A cook, MARGO, approaches Paul to speak with him. Paul nods : `` Ca n't talk.'' Hands her the box of tomatoes. PAUL Uh - huh. Paul heads to the back of the kitchen, searching for privacy.

INT. PANTRY - SAME Paul moves into the pantry, finds the farthest corner. WENDY -LRB- O.S. -RRB- Well we've been contacted by a young woman conceived using your semen, and she's asked if you'd be open to having contact with her. Paul's speechless.

INT. TANYA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT Paul and Tanya enjoy a hot, sweaty fuck. LATER THAT NIGHT Paul gets dressed while Tanya lays on her messy bed. TANYA You must of figured you'd get a call at some point. PAUL Not really. I mean I was 19 when I did it. It was so long ago. I just figured no one actually used my stuff. Tanya moves closer to him, flirty. TANYA Why? I'd use it. PAUL -LRB- ignoring the innuendo. -RRB- This is so weird. I mean, a part of me's really curious. TANYA So what are you gon na do? PAUL I do n't know.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM Joni and Jules play scrabble at the table. Joni's cell rings. She grabs it off the counter and answers. JONI Hello?

EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY Paul anxiously paces his overgrown back - yard on his cell phone. He picks weeds as he talks. Conversation intercut. PAUL Hi, I'm looking for Joni Allgood. JONI This is she. PAUL Hi. This is Paul. -LRB- clearing his throat. -RRB- Uh, your donor? JONI Oh! Hi. Joni shoots up out of her chair and starts leaving the room to get some privacy away from her mom. PAUL Is this a good time to talk? JONI -LRB- flustered. -RRB- Yeah. JULES Where are you going? It's your turn. Joni does n't answer. She just walks out to her backyard. PAUL So. -LRB- does n't know what to say. -RRB- How are you? JONI I'm good. How are you? PAUL I'm well, thanks. Banal, awkward pause. Paul jumps in to fill the void. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- So, Wendy at the Cryobank said you call - Joni cuts in, nervous and businesslike. JONI Actually, my brother asked if I'd call you because I'm 18 and he's only 15 which is too young to call - anyway, he'd like to meet you. if you want to. PAUL -LRB- thrown. -RRB- Your brother? JONI Yeah. Well, technically my half - brother. Each of my moms had a kid, you know, with your sperm. PAUL No. I did n't know. JONI Oh. PAUL Both of them? JONI Yeah. PAUL Like in two? JONI Uh huh. Like in gay. PAUL Good deal. I love lesbians. Paul cringes at his lameness. Joni does n't know what to say.

EXT. "WYSIWYG", PARKING LOT - NEXT DAY Joni and Laser get out of the car and head to the restaurant to meet Paul. They're both clearly nervous. JONI I just do n't want you to have big expectations. LASER Will you quit saying that? I do n't have any expectations. JONI Okay. I'm just saying he might be weird. I mean, he donated sperm. LASER Well if he had n't done it, you would n't be here. So respect, yo!

INT. "WYSIWYG" - DAY Paul sits alone at a table facing the entrance. He nervously checks the door as customers enter. MINUTES LATER - Joni and Laser enter the restaurant. They look nervous too. ANGLE ON PAUL He studies them for a beat, sees them looking around. Figures they must be `` his kids.'' They look in his direction, spot him. He raises his hand, stands. They walk over. The moment is rife. Paul holds out his hand to Joni. PAUL Joni. Hey. Nice to meet you. JONI Nice to meet you too. Paul holds out a hand to Laser. PAUL And Laser, right? LASER Right. PAUL Very cool name. LASER Thanks. PAUL Thanks for making the trek all the way over here. No one knows what comes next. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Cool, I got a table set up for us out here. Paul turns and leads them out to the outdoor dining area.

EXT. OUTDOOR DINING AREA - MINUTES LATER They all sit eating. Paul ca n't help but study their faces. PAUL Listen, feel free and ask me anything you want, okay? -LRB- off their stares. -RRB- Or we can just hang out. That's fine too. Whatever you guys want. LASER/JONI Okay. Paul presses on, trying to break the ice. PAUL Anything you want to ask me, Laser? LASER I. uh. I did n't really have any specific questions. PAUL -LRB- helping him out. -RRB- That's fine. I'd love to know about you guys. What about you, Joni? What are you up to? JONI Uh, well, I just graduated high school. I'm starting college in the fall. PAUL Oh yeah? Congratulations. LASER Joni's the brains in the family. She won a National Merit Scholarship. PAUL Shut the front door! LASER Yeah. And she got like an 800 on her Verbal SAT. JONI Okay, Laser. LASER What? I'm just saying you're really smart. JONI No, I just work harder than you. PAUL Do n't stress it, Laze. School was n't my thing either and I turned out okay. LASER -LRB- re : his name. -RRB- Laser. PAUL I'm sorry. Laser. -LRB- beat. -RRB- So tell me about you, Laser. What are you into? Laser freezes. So his sister jumps in. JONI Laser's an amazing athlete. PAUL Oh yeah? LASER Did you play any sports in school? PAUL I played a little basketball in junior high. LASER That's it? PAUL Pretty much. The whole `` team'' thing got on my nerves, you know like, `` Hey, let's go kick some ass, man!'' What about you? LASER I play some Soccer. Basketball. Baseball. You know, team sports. Paul realizes he's put his foot in his mouth. PAUL Hey, I was n't bagging teams in general. Teams are great. I'm just weird like that. LASER Yeah, I like teams. We can tell Laser is growing frustrated at his inability to connect with Paul. Joni jumps in. JONI So this is your place? PAUL Yeah, I've been working on it for a while. I also have this organic co - op farm down the road. We use a lot of the stuff we grow there for the restaurant. JONI -LRB- excited. -RRB- That's so cool. I'm totally into local. LASER -LRB- busting her. -RRB- You are? JONI Uh, yeah Laser! I've been like trying to get moms to buy local for forever. Laser tries again to reconnect. LASER So, like, do you raise pigs and stuff? PAUL No. No pigs. -LRB- beat. -RRB- But it's a great spot. You guys should come check it out sometime. JONI Yeah. Definitely. Excited, Joni turns to Laser. He seems uninterested.

EXT. WYSIWYG, PARKING LOT - DAY The kids and Paul exit the restaurant. Paul walks to a classic BMW motorcycle. Lasers tries to hide his awe. LASER Is that yours? PAUL Yeah. You like motorcycles? LASER Yeah, but. our moms are kind of anti - motorcycle. JONI And by `` kind of'' he means they'd kill us if we ever rode one. PAUL That's too bad. They're fun. Time to say goodbye. Again, no one knows the protocol here. After an awkward beat, Paul holds out his arms for hugs. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Well it was great to meet you guys. He and Joni hug. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I hope this was okay. JONI Yeah. totally. thank you. Now Paul and Laser share a somewhat awkward man - hug. PAUL Really nice to meet you, Laser. LASER Yeah. Joni gives a quick wave to Paul. She turns to go and Laser follows. Paul watches them walk away. He looks stirred up by the meeting.

INT. JONI'S CAR - DAY Joni and Laser head back home. JONI I just never pictured him that way. I just. I do n't know. He was so cool and interesting. I ca n't believe that was him. He was so nice, you know? LASER I guess. JONI You guess? LASER Yeah. JONI God, Laser! You're the one that wanted to meet him so bad! LASER I know. JONI Well what did you think of him? LASER I do n't know. He seemed kind of into himself.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - TV ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT Nic and Jules are cuddled up affectionately on the couch watching cable. They see Laser on his way out of the house. JULES Hey bug, come here. We're watching `` Locked Up Abroad : Uganda.'' LASER I saw it. It was gnarly. NIC Where are you going? LASER Clay's. Jules and Nic shoot each other a concerned look. NIC Do n't be back late, okay? LASER I know. JULES Can I have a hug before you go? LASER Mom. JULES Just a quick one. Please! LASER Hug her. That's what she's there for. Laser leaves. Nic hits mute on the TV, looks at Jules. NIC Ugh. Maybe we should just sit him down and ask him already. JULES What? `` Are you and Clay fucking?'' NIC `` Exploring'' is the word I'd use. JULES And what if he is `` exploring?'' This is the age for that. Why should we care? NIC We should n't. -LRB- then. -RRB- I just do n't understand why he's exploring with that loser. JULES Look, we do n't even know what the deal is. We're jumping to conclusions. NIC I feel like he has so much potential and he's just wasting it. Nic's comment hits a nerve in Jules. JULES What are you trying to say? NIC What do you mean, what am I trying to say? JULES It feels like there's some subtext here. NIC What are you talking about? JULES I do n't know : Like mother like son? Is that it? Both of us aimless, wandering in the darkness, `` wasting our potential?'' Nic wo n't go there. NIC Okay, honey, you're on a whole other tangent and I have no idea what you're talking about. JULES Well, maybe it has n't risen to the plane of consciousness for you yet. NIC Yeah. Maybe not. Nic clicks the volume back on, freezing Jules out.

INT.   PAUL'S RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON Paul and Tanya sit at the bar, eating family - meal. TANYA So what were they like? PAUL Sweet. They were really good kids. The boy's kind of a sensitive jock and the girl's kind of innocent but whip - smart and super cute. TANYA Sounds like you connected. PAUL Yeah, we kinda did. TANYA Where'd you leave it? PAUL We did n't really leave it anywhere. Brooke, the sexy Wiccan volunteer, comes up to Paul bearing a basket of freshly - picked fruits. BROOKE Hey Paul. Paul leans over the basket. PAUL Whatcha got? Oh cool. First strawberries of the season. BROOKE Do n't they look awesome? I thought you should have the first taste. And with that, she smiles, hands him the basket and leaves. TANYA -LRB- mimicking Brooke. -RRB- `` I thought you should have the first taste. of my pussy.'' Paul ca n't help smiling at the nasty talk. PAUL Whoa.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - AFTERNOON Clay rummages through the top drawer of Jules' dresser. Laser stands behind him, uncomfortable. LASER Dude, I do n't think they smoke pot. CLAY Hold up. Clay freezes. CLOSE ON a row of sex toys including a fancy pink, Japanese `` all - in - one'' dildo and a few DVD's. CLAY -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Whoa! Clay turns on the dildo. It starts to gyrate. CLAY -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Yo, it's alive! LASER Dude, put it back! Laughing, Clay throws the dildo back in the drawer. Then he grabs one of the DVDs and spins back around. CLAY Dude, we're watching this.

INT. LASER'S ROOM - DAY Laser and Clay sit on the bed. They look at each other. Then Laser hits play. ON SCREEN We see a COP giving a young MAN a BLOW - JOB. Laser and Clay sit motionless, shocked, disgusted, riveted. CLAY Think the whole thing's like this? LASER Want me to fast - forward? Clay does n't answer. They just keep watching.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY Jules pulls her truck into the driveway, almost running over Laser's bike.

INT. LASER'S ROOM - DAY Laser and Clay are still watching the porn. as Jules walks in the room. JULES Laser, you left your bike out. Laser reflexively grabs for the remote. As he fumbles for it, Jules sees what they're watching. She looks mortified.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - THAT EVENING We enter a family conference already in progress. Nic and Jules act calm but are inwardly mortified that their 15 - year - old son found their porn. NIC Laser, your mom and I accept you and love you unconditionally? You know that, right? LASER Yeah. NIC And you know you can be open with us about anything. LASER Yeah, I know. Jules steels herself for a frank discussion. JULES Laser, is there anything you want to talk about? LASER Like what? NIC Anything. Anything on your mind. Laser cracks his knuckles. LASER Well there is something. Nic and Jules share a look. `` Here we go.'' LASER -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- It's more of a question, really. NIC That's okay. JULES We wo n't judge you. Laser looks at his moms. Nic and Jules brace themselves. LASER Why do you guys watch gay man - porn? Nic and Jules look at each other, thrown. NIC Well, first I have to say we rarely watch that movie - Jules touches Nic's arm. JULES Honey. NIC And secondly, I really do n't appreciate you snooping around our room. Was that Clay's idea? I have to say again, I do n't like him. He seems untended! JULES Honey, that's not what he asked - NIC -LRB- snapping. -RRB- Fine. Do you want to answer his question?! JULES Well, sweetie, human sexuality is complicated. And sometimes, people's desires can be. counter - intuitive. -LRB- soldiering on. -RRB- For instance, since women's sexual responsiveness is mostly internal, sometimes it's exciting for us to see sexual responsiveness more, you know. -LRB- beat. -RRB-. externalized. Laser looks at them, still baffled. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Like with a penis. LASER But like, would n't you rather watch two women doing it? JULES You would think that. But in most of those movies, they've hired two straight women to pretend and the inauthenticity is just unbeara - NIC Okay, that's enough! Laser, your mom and I have a sense there's some other stuff going on in your life and we just want to be let in. LASER What do you mean? JULES Are you having a relationship with someone? NIC You could tell us, honey. We'd understand and support you. Laser looks confused. How did they find out about Paul? LASER I just met him once. Nic and Jules share a worried look. NIC What do you mean once? JULES Did he find you on - line?! LASER What?! NIC Who did you meet once? LASER Paul! I met him with Joni. NIC Who's Paul?! JULES Why was Joni there?! LASER She set it up. NIC Forget the set - up! Who is Paul?! LASER Our sperm donor. Jules and Nic go white. LASER -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Wait, did you guys think I was gay?!

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Joni has been pulled into the family conference. Nic and Jules are trying to remain as calm as possible. Nic slugs a gulp of wine. JULES Look, guys, we understand why you'd be curious about your biological father. That's totally natural. NIC But why did n't you tell us? JONI Because we knew you'd be upset. NIC WE'RE NOT UPSET! Jules calms her riled - up partner. JULES Honey. -LRB- to Joni ; expressing her upset more calmly. -RRB- We just wish you'd have included us in your thinking. But what's done is done. You met him, and now you guys can move on - JONI -LRB- sheepish. -RRB- Actually. -LRB- beat. -RRB- I want to see him again. JULES You do?! LASER You do?! JONI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- -LRB- to Laser. -RRB- Yeah. I was gon na tell you. NIC Whoa! Whoa! No. No way. -LRB- regaining dominance. -RRB- Nobody is seeing anyone until we meet him! Joni looks at Laser. They knew this would happen.

INT. NIC AND JULES' BATHROOM - NIGHT Nic and Jules do a post - mortem as they floss. NIC Yeah, I get it. He's their biological father and all that crap but it still feels really shitty. Like we're not enough or something, you know? JULES Of course I know. I do n't want to time - share our kids with someone. Especially when it's Joni's last summer home. No way. When Jules leaves the room Nic pulls a clump of long, wet red hair out of the sink. NIC Jesus, Jules! The plumber was just here! Nic throws the clump of hair in the trash.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER NIC -LRB- getting tactical. -RRB- Look, we need to be smart about this. If we act like grubby bitches, we're just gon na make it worse. JULES I know. NIC Let's just kill him with kindness and put it to bed. JULES I'm with you, honey. -LRB- then. -RRB- We're gon na get through this, okay? Nic smiles. She loves when Jules shows confidence. NIC I love you, chicken. The women bump fists. They have a plan. JULES I love you too, pony.

EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON Paul rides slowly down the street, checking addresses. He pulls over and cuts his engine in front of the Allgood house.

INT/EXT. ALLGOOD FRONT DOOR - AFTERNOON Paul rings the bell. Waits. The door opens and Nic and Jules are there smiling with `` kill him with kindness'' faces. NIC Paul! It is so great to meet you. I'm Nic. This is Jules. Paul shakes their hands. PAUL Hi, great to meet you two. JULES I hope the traffic was n't too bad. PAUL No, I've got my bike so. I just sort of weave through. Nic clocks the motorcycle, stifles the impulse to judge. NIC Great. Well, come on in. As they enter, Paul holds out a bottle of wine. PAUL This is for you. I do n't know if you guys like wine. Nic takes it. NIC Are you kidding? We love it. -LRB- checking the label. -RRB- And a Petit Syrah. What a treat! Let me get some glasses. Nic leaves Paul by the stairs with Jules. Little silence. Jules steals a look at him, unable to contain her curiosity. PAUL Beautiful house. How long you guys lived here? JULES Almost ten years. Wait, has it been that long? -LRB- rambling nervously. -RRB- We moved right after Laser broke his leg, I remember that because we had a ramp for a while, so that would have been. ten, no, nine? No, ten years this fall. Paul nods, smiling at her nervousness. PAUL Okay. Laser and Joni enter. Joni lights up when she sees Paul. Jules watches Paul hug her. Uncomfortable, she heads for THE KITCHEN - Jules finds Nic's pouring herself a sizable glass of wine. JULES You okay? NIC -LRB- not okay. -RRB- Yeah. Fine. Jules feels her inner co - dependent swelling in her chest. JULES Go easy on the wine, hon. It's day time. NIC Okay. And same goes for the micro - managing.

EXT. ALLGOOD PORCH - AFTERNOON Everyone sits at the picnic table. JULES I hope the food's okay. Joni told us you own a restaurant. PAUL The food's great. Ca n't go wrong with salmon and corn. Nic finishes a glass of wine as Jules takes note. NIC So Paul, did you always know you wanted to be in food - services industry? Paul smiles at Nic, trying to disarm her. PAUL Well, I always liked food. NIC No, I was asking because I remember reading in your file, back when we were looking for, you know, sperm, anyway, you said you were studying international relations. PAUL Oh yeah. Wow, that was a long time ago. Yeah, I was considering it, but then I dropped out of school. JONI You dropped out of college? PAUL Yeah, it was n't my thing. NIC -LRB- squinching. -RRB- No? Why's that? PAUL It just seemed like a massive waste of money after a while. I mean, I was n't `` doing'' anything. I was just sitting on my ass listening to people spout off ideas I could've just as easily learned reading a book. Paul sees that his little rant may be alienating the moms. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I'm not saying higher learning uniformly sucks. I mean, college is great for some people. Joni, I'm sure you're gon na love it. That's just me. I'm just weird that way. -LRB- beat. -RRB- Which is probably why I ended up in the food - services industry. LASER See what he did there, mom? You said `` food - services industry,'' then he said `` food - services industry.'' NIC Yeah, I got it, Laser. Thanks. -LRB- apropos of nothing. -RRB- So, Paul, what about your social life? PAUL My social life? NIC You know, are you married, divorced, seeing anyone? JONI Mom! NIC What? We're getting to know Paul. PAUL No, never been married or divorced. I date a little, but I'm just kind of focused on my work right now. NIC Oh. Paul wants a break from the heat. PAUL So, how'd you guys meet? Jules smiles, embarrassed. Nic jumps in. NIC We met at UCLA. I was a resident in the ER and Jules had an emergency. JULES My tongue went numb. PAUL Really? THUD! We turn to see Laser, pounding his head on the table. JULES Laser, that's not nice. LASER What's not nice is subjecting your kids to the same story 1000 times! PAUL -LRB- ignoring Laser. -RRB- What happened to your tongue? JULES I do n't know. I just lost all the feeling in my face and tongue and I thought I might gag and then, you know. PAUL Choke? Die? JULES Yeah. exactly. NIC Well it was pretty clear to me she was just having an anxiety attack and she'd be fine. PAUL So what'd you do for her? NIC Gave her a Vallium. Tried to get her to relax, talk, move her tongue around. LASER Mom, that's gross! JULES -LRB- ignoring Laser, to Nic. -RRB- Actually, she started teasing me and that really helped. NIC I was trying to distract you. JULES I know. And it worked. You were really funny. NIC You were really pretty. Nic reaches over and caresses Jules' hand. Joni rolls her eyes, embarrassed. JULES So that's it. My tongue started working again. NIC And we've been glued at the hip ever since. PAUL That's a great story. JULES -LRB- beaming. -RRB- We like it. Laser and Joni share a look. PAUL So Nic, I know you're a doctor. How ` bout you, Jules? What do you do? Jules never likes this question. JULES Well, I, you know, I studied architecture in college. PAUL Right. JULES But I'm not an architect. I mean I was on my way to becoming one. But I quit before the kids were born. PAUL Well, that happens. JULES When they got a little older, I started a Balinese furniture import business. PAUL Right on. JULES Yeah. But that did n't work out. PAUL Well, business are n't easy - JULES Actually, I'm in the process of starting a new business. PAUL Good for you. What kind? JULES Landscape design. -LRB- before he can respond. -RRB- But not like a gardener! I mean, yes, there's a gardening component to it, but the real work is to create unique, eco - friendly outdoor spaces that harmonize with the surrounding environment. Do you know what I mean? PAUL Absolutely. In Nic's mind, Jules is drowning in verbiage. So she jumps in to save her. NIC Hey Paul, did Joni tell you about her graduation speech? PAUL No, she did n't. NIC It was incredible. So full of wisdom and hope. -LRB- turning to her Joni. -RRB- Hon, go get it. I'm sure he'd love to hear it. JONI -LRB- blushing. -RRB- No, mom, I'm sure he would n't. NIC Sure he would. Come on. Go get it. JONI -LRB- getting upset. -RRB- No, it's okay. NIC Sweetie, do n't be embarrassed. JONI I'm not embarrassed! Jesus! Give it a rest already! This outburst stuns Nic into silence. Her daughter has never spoken to her like this. Laser stands up. LASER I'll get the ice - cream. JONI -LRB- standing up. -RRB- I'll help you. Joni and Laser leave the room. Nic pours herself the last of Paul's Petit Syrah. Jules smiles, covering her anxiety. JULES -LRB- softly. -RRB- Honey, that's your forth glass. NIC Actually, it's my third. But thanks for counting. Paul turns to Jules, trying to revive the mood. PAUL Hey, I was just thinking. You know, I bought this place last year and the backyard's a wreck. Would you be interested in working on it? JULES -LRB- insecure. -RRB- Oh, that's okay. PAUL No, seriously. I do n't have time to work on it myself. JULES Thank you. That's really sweet. Why do n't you think about it. PAUL Why? I just did. -LRB- then. -RRB- I mean, if you're not up for it that's okay - JULES -LRB- jumping on it. -RRB- No! I am! -LRB- getting excited. -RRB- I'm up for it! Jules smiles at Nic : `` Is n't this great? My first client.'' Nic looks less than pleased.

INT. HARDWARE STORE - DAY Nic pushes a cart piled high with gardening supplies. Jules grabs a couple BAGS of fertilizer, throws them on top. NIC I'm just saying, the plan was to limit his involvement - JULES You're unbelievable. You're all over me about getting clients, I finally get one and you're - NIC He's not just a client, Jules. He's our sperm donor! Have you ever heard the phrase `` Do n't Shit Where You Eat?'' JULES Yes, and I think it's disgusting. The two separate, go down separate isles. When they rejoin, Nic is contrite. NIC I'm sorry. He just seemed sort of. self - satisfied to me. Jules grabs the olive branch. JULES Yeah, he was working the whole `` alternative'' thing pretty hard. NIC -LRB- mimicking. -RRB- `` I just need to get outside and ` do' things, not sit on my ass and learn. But that's just me. I'm weird that way.'' They both laugh. Nic's funny sometimes.

EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE - ECHO PARK - DAY Jules drives slowly up the hill looking for Paul's address. She sees the house and pulls in the driveway next to an old truck and a motorcycle.

EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY Jules and Paul walk through Paul's backyard, evaluating. JULES We could do a kind of a Secret Garden thing with trellises and topiary. -LRB- clocking his face. -RRB-. or something more Asian, minimal, with a rock garden feel. It's up to you. PAUL What do you think? JULES Personally, I'm tired of minimal. I'm into more is more. Let's not try to tame the space. I think it would look great all lush and overgrown and fecund. PAUL Fecund? JULES I'm sorry, you know, fertile. PAUL No, I love that word. You just do n't hear it that often. -LRB- thinking. -RRB- More is more. Yeah. Let's do that. Jules is staring at Paul. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- What? JULES Sorry, I just keep seeing my kids in your expressions. Jules looks more intensely at Paul's face. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- You and Laser have the same mouth. PAUL You think so? JULES Yeah. The observation strikes Paul. Suddenly, he's feeling a kind of fast - tracked intimacy with Jules he had n't expected.

EXT. BACKYARD - ALLGOOD HOUSE - EVENING Jules and Laser play Ping - Pong as Nic gets home with Chinese take - out for the family dinner. NIC What's the score? JULES Pretty close. Laser cranks a forehand that whizzes past Jules. LASER 20 - 3. match point. NIC So how'd it go today? JULES Great. We settled on a concept. NIC What is it? JULES It's hard to explain. You have to kind of see the space to get it. NIC -LRB- to Laser. -RRB- Laser, did you write Pup - pup a Get Well card? -LRB- off his silence. -RRB- Laser! What do I have to do?! I bought you a card. I left it on your desk. All you had to do was - LASER Mom, settle! I will. NIC Do n't tell me to settle, mister. And if it's not in the mail by tomorrow morning, we're not going to the Dodger game Saturday. LASER Whatever, I have other plans anyway. NIC What other plans? -LRB- off his silence. -RRB- I'm asking you a quest - LASER I said I'd do something with Paul! Laser serves a rocket, whizzing past a flailing Jules. He tosses the racquet on the table and leaves. Nic yells : NIC You used to be so cute!

EXT. ALLEY - DAY We cut onto Paul and Laser, looking out at something. Laser is holding a DIGITAL VIDEO CAMERA. PAUL This may not be a good idea. CLAY -LRB- O.S. -RRB- Are you filming?! We cut to Clay on a skateboard on the ledge of a brick wall. He's preparing to ride the ledge, jump a dumpster and land his board on the ground. PAUL -LRB- to Laser. -RRB- He's not gon na make it. -LRB- calling to Clay. -RRB- Clay, you're not gon na make it! LASER I think he may be right, dude. Maybe this is n't such a good idea. CLAY Will you quit being a man - gina and run the camera! I'm only doing this once so keep my shit in frame! Laser sighs, then holds up the camera. Paul looks at Laser, wondering why he puts up with this guy. VIDEO CAMERA'S POV : We watch as Clay psychs himself up with an assortment of deep breaths and head - slaps. Finally, he starts down the ledge. He starts his jump, catches air and hits the edge of the dumpster and falls. We see him go into the dumpster and land with a nauseating THUD. Paul and Laser rush up and look over the edge. PAUL/LASER ARE YOU OKAY?! There's Clay, his arm bent at a disturbing angle, in agony. CLAY Did you get that?! LASER Seriously, dude, are you okay? CLAY I'm fucking fine! Fuck! Did you fucking get it?!

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE CLAY'S HOUSE - LATER Paul and Laser walk over to Paul's truck. PAUL Maybe next time we can hang out just you and me. LASER Clay's cool. He's just gets a little amped sometimes. PAUL That's not amped. That's being a dick. LASER He's not a dick, that's just his way. PAUL Okay. I just did n't like the way he was talking to you. LASER -LRB- defensive. -RRB- Well, you do n't know him. PAUL -LRB- back - peddling. -RRB- You're right. I do n't. LASER Hey, can I ask you a question? PAUL Sure. LASER Why'd you donate sperm? PAUL Well, it's a lot more fun then donating blood. Laser does n't laugh. Paul realizes he's gon na have to give a `` non - joke'' answer. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I do n't know, I guess I thought, you know, if I can help somebody in need, somebody who wants a baby. Laser's not really buying that. LASER So you did it to help people? PAUL It was a long time ago. LASER How much did you get paid? PAUL Why do you want to know? LASER I'm just curious. PAUL I do n't know, like 60 bucks a pop. LASER That's it? PAUL It was worth more back then. You know. With inflation. -LRB- off Laser's look. -RRB- Hey, I'm glad I did it. Laser does n't quite buy Paul's altruism. He looks over at him, then away.

INT. JONI'S ROOM - DAY Jai and Joni and Sasha play Scrabble. Sasha checks out the photos of Paul on Joni's phone. SASHA Hello? Donor Dad? Stone cold fox. JAI Must you take everything beautiful and make it dirty? SASHA I'm just saying. Spermster's a hottie. Is he single? JONI Okay, first of all, ewww. Second, he's a really good person and I'd prefer it if you did n't taint him with your whore juice. Sasha hops up, energized by the banter. SASHA Fair enough, hairy muff. I'm outta here. You love birds can split my letters. Sasha splits and suddenly the room is thick with nervous tension. JONI You want to keep playing? JAI Sure. As Jai incorporates Sasha's tiles into his own, we see Joni gathering her nerve to make a move. Jai probably feels it but in his nervousness he ca n't look at Joni. JAI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Sometimes I feel sorry for Sasha, you know. JONI Yeah. Joni starts to move in, her face draws closer to Jai's, inch by inch. Somehow, deep down, Jai can sense her moving towards him which exhilarates and freaks the shit out of him at the same time. To the point where he lets slip. JAI It's like she has to sexualize every experience, you know? It's just sad. That stops Joni in her tracks. JONI Yeah, it is. It's really sad. Jai's sabotaged the mood and they both know it.

INT. NIC AND JULES' BATHROOM - NIGHT Jules walks in to find Nic in sexy satin man - PJ's, sitting at the rim of a RUNNING BATH. There are candles burning. JULES Wow. What's this? NIC Come here. Sit down. Jules takes a seat beside her. Nic holds her hand. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately. I know I'm not being my highest self. JULES Yeah, well. NIC You've been really patient with me. I just want you to know that has n't gone unrecognized. Nic gives her a long, sweet kiss. Jules is warming up. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Get in. CUT TO - JULES In the tub, revelling in the warm bubbly water. Nic is sitting on the ledge, massaging her feet. JULES Oh god, chicken, that's the spot. NIC How's the water? JULES Perfect. You wan na come in? NIC In a bit. You enjoy it first. Nic goes deeper with the massage. Jules' eyes roll back. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Oh, I forgot the lavender salts. Nic starts to get up. Jules grabs her hand. JULES No, do n't stop. NIC No, I meant to put ` em in. Nic gets up and sashays to the door. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Do n't move. Nic exits. Jules sinks back, wishing Nic had stayed. CUT TO JULES - MINUTES LATER Still waiting. Getting impatient and upset. JULES Nic?! No response. CUT TO THE KITCHEN - Nic is on her cell with a patient, a glass of wine in her hand. Jules walks in wearing a bathrobe. Nic turns. Raises a finger and mouths : `` Sorry.'' NIC No, we're planning on being here through mid - August so. -LRB- beat. -RRB- No, I promise, I'm not going anywhere. Jules' face drops ; she turns and leaves.

INT./EXT.    PAUL'S HOUSE - DAY Paul watches Jules work in his backyard. Luis hauls shrubs.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER Paul and Jules stand at the kitchen table, looking over her sketch for the yard. JULES Look, I'm gon na go to the nursery in the morning so we should probably make sure you're signed off on the Bougainvillea. Jules looks over at a pan on the kitchen counter. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- What's that? PAUL Strawberry rhubarb pie. Fresh from my garden. Paul hands her a fork and she takes a big bite. Her eyes roll back in her head. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Good, huh? JULES Oh my god. That is criminal. PAUL Have more. JULES No, please, just take it away. PAUL You had one bite. JULES I have another you may as well just tape it to my ass cause that's where it'll end up. PAUL Hey now, do n't go negative on your ass. Jules blushes at all this talk of her ass. JULES So. you're good with the plants? -LRB- off his silence. -RRB- Look, we do n't have to do that. We could do go in a totally different direction if you - PAUL No, I'm just thinking. Hang on. -LRB- covers his eyes. -RRB- Yeah, I'm good with the plants. JULES Sorry. Sometimes I mistake silence for criticism. PAUL I was n't criticizing you. JULES No, I know. I just. -LRB- beat. -RRB- Sometimes Nic can be a little critical, you know. She's a perfectionist. PAUL That does n't mean you have to be negative. Jules looks away. We HEAR a knock from the back. LUIS -LRB- O.S. -RRB- Excuse me, Senora? Hello? Jules turns, sees Luis standing at the glass door. JULES What's up? LUIS 5 o'clock. JULES Yeah. Okay. Jules wants Luis to leave her alone. But he's not going. LUIS Same time tomorrow? JULES Yes! Same time! Luis leaves. Jules turns back to Paul, laughs nervously. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Okay. I'm gon na take off too. PAUL -LRB- in Luis's accent. -RRB- Same time tomorrow? Jules pushes Paul, laughing. JULES That's mean. Paul hands her a Tupperware with some of the pie in it. PAUL Here, take this. JULES No! PAUL Just give it to the kids. JULES Okay! God, you're such a pusher! Jules grabs the pie and gives him a kiss on the mouth, almost as a mistake. Before they know it, they're making out. Jules snaps back, freaked. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Whoa. I'm sorry. That was. I do n't know where that came from. PAUL -LRB- freaked himself. -RRB- It's okay. JULES Okay. I'm gon na go now. Jules starts backing away, acting as if nothing happened. PAUL Jules? JULES -LRB- overcompensating. -RRB-. but I shall return! Jules bolts for the door, clutching her pie. Paul watches her go, stunned by what just happened.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT Nic's in bed reading a magazine. Jules gets in bed, paranoid. Nic puts her magazine down. NIC So how'd it go with Paul? JULES -LRB- jumpy. -RRB- What do you mean? NIC I do n't know. Did you break ground? Did you dig in? I do n't know the terms. JULES No, we just talked. conceptually. NIC Oh, so it was less of a `` doing'' day, huh? Was he okay with that? JULES You know, maybe we should lay off the Paul digs a little. NIC Okay. You're right. Chastened, Nic looks back at her magazine. Jules rolls over. JULES And I also think we should start composting.

EXT. URBAN FARM - ECHO PARK - DAY - MOS Sweating and dirty, Joni and Paul pull radishes from the ground. They're in a zone together. Paul takes off his sun - hat and put it on Joni's head. PAUL You got your mom's fair skin. You did n't get my Mediterranean genes. JONI Thanks. Joni's cell rings. She looks. Rolls her eyes. JONI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Ugh. Ignore. Joni hits the ignore button, puts her cell away. PAUL Who's that? JONI My mom, Nic. She's making me insane. PAUL Why? What's she doing? JONI She's treating me like I'm 12. It's like she does n't want to admit I'm an adult. PAUL She's your mom. That's her job. JONI What? To smother me to death? That's not her job. PAUL Well, if you want things to be different, you've got to make that happen. That's your job.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MAGIC HOUR Laser walks with Clay. Clay sports a homemade arm - cast for the skateboard mishap we witnessed earlier. CLAY That jump was cake, dude! I so could've made it. LASER You were like 20 feet short, dude! There was no way. CLAY Yeah, well if Paul was n't there I could have landed it. That guy creeps me out. LASER Whatever. CLAY He's kind of a fag, dude. Tryin' to act all like your dad and shit. Laser does n't know how to respond so he ignores the comment. A stray DOG comes up to them. Laser stops to pet it. LASER Hey buddy. Good boy. Laser sees the dog has no tags. He looks around for an owner. The dog nuzzles Laser for affection. LASER -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I've seen this dog around. I wonder if he's lost. CLAY Let's pee on his head. LASER What? Clay unzips his fly. It's difficult with the plaster cast. LASER -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Dude, do n't do that. CLAY Come on. Hold him. Clay yanks the dog by his scruff. LASER Dude, Quit it! CLAY -LRB- mocking. -RRB- Duuude, quit it! Suddenly, Laser gets it. His friend is the tool. He grabs the dog and smacks him to get him to run away. LASER Go! Run! Get out of here! The dog TAKES OFF. Clay shoves Laser. CLAY Why are you such a fag?! Laser shoves Clay back hard. LASER Why are you such a dick?! Clay HITS Laser in the mouth. Laser touches his lip. Sees blood, and walks away. Friendship over.

EXT. URBAN FARM PARKING LOT - ECHO PARK - MAGIC HOUR Paul and Joni walk to his motorcycle parked in the dirt lot behind them. Paul grabs his helmet off the bike, hands it to Joni. PAUL Here, put this on. Joni takes the helmet and puts it on. Paul fastens the buckle for her. They get on the bike and take off down the hill.

EXT. ECHO PARK TO THE WEST SIDE - MAGIC HOUR Paul takes Joni home on his motorcycle via Sunset Boulevard. She holds Paul tightly.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING The ladies sit in the living room watching TV. JULES Relax. She'll get home when she gets home. NIC Quit telling me to relax! They go back to watching TV. After a beat, we HEAR a motorcycle pull up. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- What the fuck!

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Paul and Joni climb off the bike. Nic storms out of the house to intercept them by the sidewalk. NIC Funny how someone conveniently forgot to tell me they were driving home on a motorcycle! JONI Mom. NIC You know how many people I've seen come into the hospital paralyzed from motorcycle accidents?! PAUL I'm a very safe rider. NIC That is so not the point I'm making! Joni knows this is something I'd never allow. JONI Mom, I'm 18 years old! I wo n't even be living here in like next month! NIC Yeah, well, you're living here now! JONI Yeah, well why do n't you get a jump on it and pretend like I'm not! Joni storms off. Nic glowers at Paul. NIC She's never talked to me like that. PAUL -LRB- trying to soften it. -RRB- You know, Nic. If you eased up on the restrictions, maybe there'd be less tension. NIC -LRB- marinated in sarcasm. -RRB- Really? You think so, Paul? Is that how it works? Jules walks up to intervene. JULES What's going on? NIC Oh, nothing. Paul's just giving me child - rearing lessons. PAUL I was just saying - NIC Listen, when you've been a parent for 18 years, come talk to me! PAUL I was just making an observation. NIC Yeah, and I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass! Nic storms off. Jules follows. Paul watches, shell shocked.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - JONI'S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT Nic knocks on the door. Get's no response. NIC Joni? -LRB- silence. -RRB- I was just upset. You know how I feel about motorcycles. Joni opens the door. JONI -LRB- patronizing. -RRB- I know how you feel about them. But I'm an adult now and you have to respect that. Goodnight. Joni closes the door on her.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - DAY From his house, Paul watches Jules working on her knees in the garden. CLOSE ON Jules' thong peaking out of her jeans. Luis walks across Paul's field of vision, interrupting his reverie.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - LATER Jules steps tentatively into Paul's house. JULES Paul? Jules walks further into the house. She looks anxious. Paul opens his office door and sees Jules in the hall. PAUL Hey. What's up? JULES Look, I'm sorry about last night. I'm really embarrassed. PAUL Do n't be. She's the one who wigged out. JULES I know, she's just going through a lot of stuff right now. PAUL Jules, it's okay. You do n't have to defend her. They stare at each other, unsure how to act. JULES And look, I just want you to know, about the other day, the kiss, that's not something I. do. PAUL Yeah, I sensed that. She takes a step toward him, feverish. JULES I just wanted to clear the air. They stare at each other. It's like watching two magnets. PAUL The air is clear. Jules grabs Paul and starts smothering him with kisses. It takes a second for Paul to get his bearings, but when he does, he starts kissing her back with equal fervor, pushing her up against the wall, wedging his hand between her legs. JULES Paul, I ca n't! PAUL You do n't want to?! JULES No, I do! It's just. -LRB- urgent whisper. -RRB- I have a guy outside! Overcome with lust, Jules wraps her legs around his waist and Paul walks her into. HIS BEDROOM Quick cuts of their awkward ravenous gropings. Somewhere between slapstick and animal. He pulls her hair back hard. She loves it. She pulls his hair back harder. He yelps. She pulls down his underwear. Her eyes widen. It's been decades since she's seen a hard cock in the flesh. JULES Oh. Well. Hel - lo! Cut to them fucking. It's gawky and passionate. Somewhere in the middle of it, Jules starts laughing. PAUL What? JULES Nothing. Paul flips her on her hands and knees and they go at it some more. She keeps laughing. Paul goes harder to make her stop. The paces grows quicker. They're getting closer. And then. LUIS -LRB- O.S. -RRB- Hello? Excuse me, Senora Allgood?! They stop mid - thrust. JULES You got ta be fucking kidding me! She dislodges from Paul and starts dressing furiously.

INT./EXT.   PAUL'S HOUSE - DAY Jules runs out to meet Luis, waiting patiently at the door. JULES What's up? LUIS Where do you want the stones? JULES -LRB- catching her breath. -RRB- The stones? Over by the fence. Luis stares at his employer. She looks totally disheveled. Jules starts feeling her hair, smoothing it into shape. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- -LRB- defensive. -RRB- What? I was using the bathroom. -LRB- then. -RRB- Do you need to use the bathroom? Luis stares at her feet. She looks down. She's barefoot.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK - DAY Paul and Laser shoot hoop. There's a tense - ness to their patter. Laser takes the ball and steps to the top of the key and shoots. Drains it. LASER That's H. PAUL I know. Laser steps up to left side of the basket, calls his shot. LASER Lay - up. PAUL Hey, do n't take it easy on me cause you're winning - Laser does a trick behind the back lay - up. Nails it. Then tosses the ball to Paul. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Nobody likes a show - off. LASER Hey, can I ask you a question? PAUL Oh god. Okay. Hit me. LASER When you die do you want to be buried or cremated? PAUL That's your question? LASER I want to be cremated. PAUL I think I'd rather be buried. LASER Why? That's just taking up more space in the earth. PAUL I do n't know, something about the idea of being burned into this chalky powder and sprinkled - LASER What do you care? You wo n't even be conscious. PAUL That's true. I guess I just want to be in a place where people can visit me. LASER -LRB- growing animated. -RRB- But why?! You'll be dead! You wo n't even know they're there!

INT. WYSIWYG - RESTAURANT - NIGHT Joni and Sasha are at a table eating dinner. Tanya has temporarily joined them. Sasha checks out Tanya's oversized African bead necklace. Joni watches Paul charm customers. SASHA God, I love your necklace! Where'd you get it? TANYA I do n't know, some flea market - SASHA In Africa? TANYA No, more like Pasadena. SASHA Well, it's really awesome. Paul saunters up to the table and stands behind Sasha. He mindlessly places his hand on Sasha's shoulder. PAUL Sorry guys, I need to steal Tanya back now. Sasha clocks Paul's hand. She carefully and without looking back places her hand on top of his. SASHA That's okay, Paul. TANYA -LRB- getting up. -RRB- Well ladies, it was fun talking with you. SASHA/JONI You too. Paul pulls his hand away from Sasha's and walks off with Tanya. Sasha turns to Joni. SASHA Okay, I'm sorry but your donor daddy is giving me the sex vibe. JONI No he's not. He would n't do that. SASHA Why not? He's not my dad. JONI God Sasha, that's totally gross! Not everybody wants to have sex with you, okay? Especially when you act like a slut. SASHA Fuck you. JONI Well it makes you seem insecure and desperate. SASHA I'm not insecure and desperate! I'm just a normal sexual person! And maybe you'd get that if you were n't so uptight! JONI Fuck you. I'm not uptight!

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Nic and Jules dine with their friends, JOEL and STELLA. Nic's drinking like a fish. STELLA Oh my god, these heirloom tomatoes are insane. JULES Joni brought some home from Paul's garden the other day. They were huge! Nic tightens at the mention of Paul. JOEL So, the kids have been spending time with him? NIC Oh, yeah, they're spending all kinds of quality time together. STELLA -LRB- senses the sarcasm. -RRB- Well, it's great they like him so much. You know, you hear these stories about kids meeting their donors and the guys end up being nothing like they were on paper. NIC No, everyone's getting along famously. Apparently Paul can do no wrong. Nic grabs a passing waiter by the arm. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Can we get another bottle of the Seavey Cabernet? Jules gives Nic a look. Joel and Stella feel the tension between them. STELLA Hey, have you guys tried those Açai fruit packs? JULES No, but they're pushing them like crack at Whole Foods. STELLA I know. Joel's addicted. JOEL What I do is I throw one in the blender with some bananas, frozen strawberries and hemp milk and I'll tell you, it's sensational. Nic slaps her forehead. NIC Oh, just fucking kill me. Everyone stiffens. Jules is embarrassed. JULES Honey. NIC I'm sorry guys, but I just ca n't, with the fucking hemp milk and the organic farming and heirloom tomatoes. -LRB- mocking - voice. -RRB- `` Oh no, do n't throw that in the trash, no man, you got ta throw that into the composting bin so the fucking worms can shit all over it and turn it into glorious multch and we can all feel better about ourselves.'' God! What a bunch of bullshit! Nic takes a big swallow from her glass. Jules windshield wipes Nic's forearm. JULES -LRB- sotto. -RRB- How about some green tea, honey. Nic slams her glass on the table. Explodes. NIC You know what, Jules?! I like my wine! Okay? So fucking sue me! And fyi, red wine has a chemical called Resveratrol in it, which has been proven to significantly extend human lifespan! JULES Yeah, if you drink a thousand bottles a day! NIC Fuck you. Nic storms off. Jules turns to Joel and Stella, ashen. JULES I'm sorry.

INT. RESTAURANT BAR - MINUTES LATER Jules walks over to the bar. Nic is sitting in the corner. JULES What the hell is going on with you? NIC This whole Paul thing is driving me crazy! I feel like he's taking over my family. Jules tries to bring it down. She yells in hushed tones. JULES No. He's not! NIC -LRB- nerves fraying. -RRB- Okay! Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted. JULES Maybe you need to take some time off and recharge. NIC -LRB- self - pitying. -RRB- Sure, and who's gon na pay for that? Jules looks pissed off, and hurt. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Look, I'm sorry, I just feel like I'm carrying the whole load here. JULES Because that's the way you like it! That's the way you keep control! This is Jules' break - point. NIC What are you talking about? JULES Oh come on! You hated it when I worked! You wanted me at home, taking care of the kids. You wanted a wife! NIC That is just not true! JULES You did n't trust any of those nannies! And you sure as hell did n't back my career! NIC What are you talking about? I just helped you start another business! JULES Yeah, so you can feel better about yourself! NIC No, so you can feel better about yourself! JULES Are you even attracted to me anymore? The BARTENDER holds out the bottle of Cabernet. BARTENDER Do you still want this? NIC No. Just the check please. JULES AND PAUL Fucking again in his bedroom. Jules writhes beneath him, her eyes closed. Paul seems to be in some kind of zone. He stares at her, enthralled. POST - COITUS Jules and Paul lie naked in the bed. Jules slithers around the covers, stoned on post - coital endorphins. JULES God, I feel so drugular right now. -LRB- sitting up quickly. -RRB- I really want a cigarette! Do you have any? I have n't had a cigarette since Laser was born. Do you smoke? PAUL Sometimes. But I do n't have any here. Want me to run to the store? JULES -LRB- bouncing off the walls. -RRB- Yeah. Wait, no. Do n't. Sorry. Jules pops up on her knees, getting in his face. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Do you think I'm just like some sad - sack middle - aged lesbian? PAUL God, that's it. I was trying to figure out how to describe you to my friends. Thank you. Jules punches his arm, mock hurt. They start rough - housing. Then kissing. Then the phone rings. JULES You want to get that? PAUL No. I want to get this. Paul grabs a handful of Jules' ass. Jules throws her leg over Paul and climbs up for another round. Suddenly, Joni's voice echoes through the machine. JONI -LRB- ON MACHINE. -RRB- Hi Paul. It's Joni. I just wanted to apologize for my friend, Sasha. I was really embarrassed when she put her hand on your - Paul grabs the receiver. PAUL Hey, Joni. I'm here. Jules visibly recoils. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Listen, do n't worry about your friend. Jules pales. She mouths : `` What are you doing?!'' Paul gesticulates : `` I'm sorry!'' PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- No. Honestly. I did n't even notice. Jules throws on her clothes and starts to leave. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Hey, Joni? Can you hold on a second? Paul grabs Jules' wrist and mouths `` wait!'' Jules rips her arm free and walks out. MOMENTS LATER - JULES walks outside and is stunned to find Luis already back from Home Depot, sneezing and wiping his nose. JULES Did you go to Home Depot? LUIS Yeah. I just got back. JULES That was fast! LUIS Yeah, no lines. His look of confusion trips off her paranoia. She's convinced he knows everything. JULES What's that look? LUIS What look? JULES The look you're giving me right now! LUIS That's no look. That just my face. JULES Look, I'm not gon na play this game with you! You need to keep your judgements to yourself! LUIS Senora, I did n't give no looks! JULES I do n't ask you why you keep blowing your nose constantly! I mean, if you have a drug problem that's your business. LUIS I do n't have no drug problem! I have the allergies! JULES Then why are you a gardener?! Luis stares at Jules, innocent. LUIS Cause I love the flowers. JULES Look, this is n't gon na work. I'll pay you through the end of the day and then we're done. Jules walks past a totally confused Luis.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT Jules lies on her side. Nic shuffles to get to close to her. Jules moves away, still pissed at her. Nic realizes she needs to make amends.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING The family sits in silence, having breakfast. Nic looks around the table, feeling like a pariah. NIC Look, I know you've all been enjoying your time with Paul. And I know I have n't been as open to him as everyone else and this has caused some. friction. between us. But I'd like to try and change that. Everyone keeps eating, uncommitted. `` And?'' NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- So I was thinking. Maybe it would be nice if we all had dinner at his house sometime. That way, I could get to know him a little better, and I could see all the good work mom's been doing with his backyard. Nic looks at Jules and smiles. Everyone nods. They recognize this is a big step for Nic.

EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY Paul walks out to check on Jules. She's sweating her ass off, shlepping stacks of heavy mulch across the yard. PAUL How's it going? JULES Okay. PAUL Here, let me help. Paul takes some of her load and together they transport the sod to the other side of the yard. Neither know what to say. Paul stares at her, waiting for her lead. JULES We ca n't be doing this. PAUL I know. JULES I'm married. PAUL and the kids. JULES Yeah, and I love Nic. PAUL I know. They stare at each other and we cut to.

INT. PAUL'S BEDROOM - LATER Paul and Jules lie in bed. Jules looks nauseated. Paul offers her a pack of smokes. PAUL I got you some cigarettes. JULES -LRB- ignoring him. -RRB- Jesus, what's wrong with me? I should n't have fired Luis like that. That was totally wrong. PAUL Come on. Do n't be so hard on yourself. Things get messy sometimes. JULES That was n't messy. That was fucked up. I'm totally fucked up. PAUL I think I'm really falling for you. JULES Paul, do n't.

INT. PAUL'S BATHROOM - LATER Jules takes a shower, washing off the evidence. She looks nauseated by her lack of willpower.

INT. WYSIWYG - LATER Tanya walks over to Paul who's on his computer. She flops on the couch next to him. He does n't look up. TANYA Pretty good night. That table had like 5 bottles of wine. PAUL Wow. Yeah. Good night. TANYA Joni's pretty. She's got some of your genes. PAUL I think she looks more like her mom actually. But thank you. TANYA It's cute seeing you in dad mode. PAUL Yeah? TANYA Yeah. -LRB- lowering voice. -RRB- It makes me want to fuck you. PAUL -LRB- uncomfortable. -RRB- Oh yeah? TANYA Yeah. Tanya moves imperceptibly closer. TANYA -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I've been missing our sleep - overs. Paul finally stops what he's doing. PAUL Yeah, it's been a while. TANYA You want to meet up later? Paul hesitates. He does n't know how to say no. PAUL Tanya, you're so sexy and beautiful, but I do n't think we should do that anymore. Tanya's face drops. TANYA What happened? PAUL You know, our thing is really fun and easy, but. I do n't want to be 50 and still `` hanging out.'' You know? If I really want a family then I have to stop getting in these situations that do n't go anywhere. Paul just looks at her. Tanya gets it. TANYA -LRB- welling up. -RRB- Oh. Paul knows enough to say nothing. Tanya gets up and walks off. TANYA -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Fuck you. Paul sits there, feeling like an asshole.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - MAGIC HOUR The family packs into the Volvo to head to Paul's.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MAGIC HOUR Paul gets dinner ready with Joni and Laser as his sous - chefs. Both kids seem really jazzed to be cooking with him. IN THE BACKYARD - EVENING Jules tours Nic around the backyard, looking a little freaked out as she shows her the work she's been doing. JULES I'm gon na do some planting over there so it wo n't look so bare. NIC It looks great, honey. Very indigenous. I'm so proud of you. Nic kisses Jules spontaneously. Jules looks nauseous again. They head back up the stairs, toward Paul's house. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Hey, so how's that guy Luis working out? JULES Oh, I had to fire him. NIC -LRB- surprised. -RRB- Really?! JULES Yeah, he had a drug problem. NIC Whoa. What kind of drugs? JULES Blow, I think.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - LATER Nic flips through Paul's album collection, including Joni Mitchell's Blue.

INT. PAUL'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT Everyone digs into the meal, enjoying themselves. Especially Nic, who's committed to redeeming herself. PAUL Hey Nic, I think you're gon na love this ` 98 Screaming Eagle. NIC You know what, I think I'm gon na stick with water tonight. But thank you so much. The Allgoods look at Nic : this is a first. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- God, Paul, this steak is delicious. What's the seasoning? PAUL I just mist it with a little truffle oil. Nic looks at Jules and smiles in full overcompensation mode. NIC What a good idea. We should try that. Right, honey? JULES -LRB- taken aback by Nic's cheerfulness. -RRB- Mmm - hmmm. NIC And it's done to perfection. PAUL So it's not too rare? NIC No, it's perfect. Juicy. Tender. Exactly what rare's supposed to be. PAUL Good. A lot of people in the restaurant order a steak rare and they freak out at the slightest sight of red. NIC Ugh, is n't that annoying? That happens to me all the time when I'm grilling. PAUL Do n't people know that rare means red? NIC Right?! It means bloody! PAUL Exactly! They should see what rare looks like in Argentina. The cow's practically still mooing. Laser chuckles at Paul's joke, then reigns it in. Joni tries to insert herself in the conversation. JONI I really want to go to Argentina. Buenos Aires is supposed to be - NIC -LRB- interrupting. -RRB-. So Paul, I was checking out your album collection over there. Quite the eclectic mix. PAUL Thanks. NIC You do n't meet too many straight guys who love Joni Mitchell. Joni glares at Nic : stop being such a Paul hog. PAUL Oh yeah, you a Joni Mitchell fan? NIC -LRB- smug. -RRB- Not really. We just named our daughter after her. PAUL Cool. Right on. NIC What's your favorite Joni album? PAUL I think I have to go with `` Blue.'' Nic raises her hand in a testify. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Yeah? You too? They high - five across the table. NIC Oh God, I probably spent half of high school in my room crying to that album. That record kills me. PAUL I know, it never lets up, you got `` River,'' `` California.'' NIC `` A Case of You.'' PAUL `` All I Want.'' NIC Mmm! Nic pulls her hands to her chest, shuts her eyes. and starts to sing. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I am on a lonely road and I am traveling traveling, traveling, traveling/Looking for something, what can it be/Oh I hate you some, I hate you some/I love you some Oh I love you/when I forget about me. Jules, Paul and the kids watch, open - mouthed as Nic soldiers on, skipping ahead to another verse. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I want to talk to you/I want to shampoo you/I want to renew you again and again/Applause, applause / Life is our cause/When I think of your kisses/My mind see - saws. Nic takes a breath. Just as Paul's about to say something, Nic resumes her unfortunate solo. NIC -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Do you see/do you see/do you see how you hu - urt me baby/so I hurt you too/then we both get/soo - ooo - ooo blue. Nic stops, eyes still closed. She's connected to a part of herself she rarely lets herself visit. The moment is punctured by her smart - ass 15 - year - old son. LASER Do n't quit your day job, mom. PAUL Hey. It's hard enough to open your heart in this world. Do n't make it harder. LASER You're right. -LRB- to Nic ; contrite. -RRB- I'm sorry, mom. Nic looks at Paul. Stunned. Then looks at Jules and points to Paul. NIC I like this guy. Paul looks at Joni. PAUL You did n't tell me you were named after Joni M. JONI It's just so dorky. I do n't really like to bring it up. PAUL I think it's cool. NIC -LRB- getting up. -RRB- Hey Paul. Where's your bathroom? PAUL Just around there. On her way to the loo, Nic turns back to Paul. NIC You know what? I think I will try some of that Screaming Eagle.

INT. PAUL'S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS Nic washes her hands at the sink. Something catches her eye. She lifts Paul's hairbrush from the shelf in front of her and examines it. She reaches into the bristles and pulls out. A few strands of long red hair. Nic pales. CUT TO Nic on her knees in Paul's shower, pulling a clump of tell - tale red hair from the drain. CUT TO Nic skulks out of the bathroom. She looks out and b - lines for the bedroom. CUT TO Nic pulling pillows off Paul's bed. Her look tells us she's found hair here as well. THEN WE CUT TO Nic sitting back down at the table. She looks drained. Nobody notices. The sound drops out. NIC'S POV : Paul and Jules talking comfortably. Joni and Laser chiming in, smiling, one big happy family. Totally disconnected. Shell - shocked. She wants to scream but it feels like she's trapped in cement. Things slow way down.

INT. NIC AND JULES' BATHROOM - THAT NIGHT Nic and Jules perform their nightly ablutions. Jules is sonic - caring her teeth. JULES -LRB- through the sonic buzz. -RRB- Well, you and Paul seemed to get on like gang - busters. NIC You're sleeping with him, are n't you. JULES -LRB- freaked. -RRB- What? Nic turns to her, eyes red with anger. NIC Just be honest with me. Do n't make me feel crazier than I feel right now! JULES Where is this coming from?! NIC I found your hair in his drain! JULES -LRB- scrambling. -RRB- What? I was working. I got dirty so I took a shower. NIC Oh yeah? You take a nap, too? Jules pauses a second too long. The jig is up.

INT. NIC AND JULES' BEDROOM - MINUTES LATER The truth has come out. Nic is so angry she's calm. NIC Are you in love with him?! JULES No! NIC What, are you straight now?! JULES No. It has nothing to do with that! -LRB- beat. -RRB- I've just felt so cut off from you lately. NIC Oh, right, so it's my fault! JULES No! Who said anything about fault? Just listen to me! NIC I'm listening! What?! JULES I just needed. NIC What? To be fucked? JULES No, appreciated! NIC It's always what I'm not doing for you, is n't it? Well here's what I do n't to you. I do n't work out my issues by fucking other people! Nic starts heading for the door. Jules follows. JULES He's not just `` other people!'' NIC No, you had to go fuck our sperm donor! You could n't have picked a more painful way to hurt me. JULES Where are you going?! NIC I need water! My mouth is dry! Nic opens the door. There's Joni and Laser, looking devastated. They've been listening to the whole thing.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAWN Jules wakes up looking crusty from a rough night on the couch. She looks like she has n't slept at all.

INT. LASER'S ROOM - DAWN Jules enters and walks over to her sleeping son. She gently nudges him awake. JULES Hey Laser. Honey? Laser turns over, semi - conscious. LASER What? She sits down on his bed. JULES Listen, I know you and Joni heard what's going on. I just want you to know that what happened with Paul and me is over. There's nothing going on now. LASER Okay. JULES I know you might need some time to process your feelings around this, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you want to talk about anything. -LRB- beat. -RRB- Is there anything you want to talk about? LASER -LRB- leave my room. -RRB- Not really. JULES -LRB- fighting the impulse to push it. -RRB- Okay then. Go back to sleep. Jules pats her son and leaves.

INT. JONI'S BEDROOM - DAWN Jules enters and touches Joni's shoulder. JULES Joni? JONI I do n't want to talk to you. JULES Can we just - JONI I said I do n't want to talk to you! JULES Okay. I'm sorry. Jules slowly retreats to the door.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING Jules drinks coffee at the table. Nic walks in, dressed for work. Jules looks at her, wanting to `` process.'' But Nic is n't in the mood. She grabs a banana from a bowl and walks out. Jules feels like a leper.

INT. SASHA'S ROOM - AFTERNOON We can tell Joni's been crying and downloading the whole thing to Sasha. SASHA How's Nic doing? JONI She's a wreck. I've never seen her like this before. Joni's cell rings. She gets off the bed, looks at the phone. It's a picture of Paul. SASHA Is it him? Joni nods gravely, answers. JONI -LRB- cold. -RRB- Hello.

EXT. PAUL'S FARM - AFTERNOON Paul's walking through rows of swiss chard, cell phone to his ear. Conversation Intercut. PAUL Hey Joni, how you doing? JONI You're such a phony. Beat. PAUL Excuse me? JONI You act like you're so groovy and together but you're not. You're a shitty person! PAUL What happened? JONI With my mom?! PAUL Listen, can I just come and talk with you - JONI What's wrong with you?! PAUL Joni. JONI Do n't call me anymore. Joni hangs up and start crying. Sasha hugs her.

EXT. PAUL'S FARM - CONTINUOUS Sweaty, nauseous with remorse, Paul turns around to find fetching young Brooke, waiting for him with a wicker basket of huge cucumbers. BROOKE Hey Paul, look at these cukes. Paul holds up his hand at her. This girl symbolizes every bad choice he's ever made. He gives her the universal, `` Leave Me Alone'' gesture. Brooke looks embarrassed.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - BACKYARD - AFTERNOON Jules sits on a lawn chair smoking a cigarette. Her cell rings. She answers.

EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON Paul walks down the street, wigging out. PAUL Hey, it's me. I just talked to Joni. Conversation intercut. JULES Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should have called you. Jules sucks a big, anxious drag off a cigarette. PAUL What happened? JULES Nic saw my hair in your bathroom. PAUL The other night. JULES Yeah. PAUL Fuck. JULES Yeah. Beat. PAUL Listen, it's all out in the open now. Let's make this happen. JULES Paul. PAUL No, I'm serious. Fuck it. Let's get the kids together and do this thing. JULES Paul, come on. PAUL No! I'm sick of this life. I want a family. I'm ready - JULES -LRB- eye rolling. -RRB- Jesus, Paul! I'm gay! Jules tosses the phone away from her.

EXT. HOUSE PARTY - BACKYARD - NIGHT Joni and Sasha stand at the makeshift `` bar''. Joni's downs several Tequila shots quickly. SASHA Slow down, tiger. Across the room, Joni spots Jai chatting with a WAIFY GIRL in a sundress. Joni drops one more Tequila shot and walks up to Jai and Waify girl, interrupting them. JONI I like the scruff. It's sexy. Waify girl juts out her hip territorially. WAIFY GIRL Uh, ` scuuuse me. JONI You're excused. -LRB- then back to Jai. -RRB- Hey, can I talk to you? Joni leads Jai to a private corner. She leans in and kisses Jai. And Jai actually returns the kiss. And it's completely sweet and intimate. But then the kiss starts to morph as Joni's energy turns manic, intense, less romantic than emotionally needy. We see Jai start to pull away. But Joni keeps holding him, wanting more. Finally, Jai breaks off the kiss. JAI Joni...Joni... Joni. says. JONI What? says. Joni looks pained, embarrassed. Jai keeps holding her hands. JAI Are you okay? says. JONI Yeah, I'm fine... says. Joni pulls free and escapes, leaving a confused Jai in her wake.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT Jules walks in to find Nic, awake, in bed. JULES Just getting another pillow.   The The says. couch is kind of saggy. says. NIC Is your back okay? says. Jules perks up : is this an invitation to share the bed again? JULES It's a little ache-y. NIC You should take some Advil. says. Guess not. Suddenly they hear bumping and loud footsteps downstairs.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Jules walks downstairs to find Joni stumbling toward her bedroom. JULES Hey. How was the party? Joni tries to avert her mom's questioning gaze. JONI Fine. JULES How big was it? JONI I do n't know. Medium. ish. Jules takes in the glassy look in her daughter's eyes. JULES Are you drunk? JONI No. Nic enters from the stairs, having caught the last piece. NIC I hope you had a designated driver. JONI Why? I'm not drunk. NIC Well, you seem drunk to me. JONI Yeah, well, you should know. NIC -LRB- furious ; incredulous. -RRB- What did you just say to me?! JONI I'm going to bed. Joni starts to leave. Nic grabs her. NIC No, you're not! I'm not done talking to you! Laser opens his door and watches the scene progress. JONI What do you want from me?! I did everything you wanted! I got all A's! I got in everywhere I applied! Now you can show everybody what a perfect family you have! JULES Do n't talk to your mom like that! Joni spins to face Jules. JONI You're really gon na tell me how to act? Now?! JULES Hey, I'm still your mother. JONI Whatever. Jules reaches out and Joni backs away, sickened. JONI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Do n't touch me! Joni heads for her room. JONI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I'm so sick of both of you!

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DAWN - MOS The sun rises on this formerly happy home.

INT. ALLGOOD LIVING ROOM - MORNING Jules wakes up on the couch. Sits up. Rubs her aching back.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - JONI'S BEDROOM - DAY Joni packs for college. The room is littered with half - filled packing boxes. She picks up a pile of clothes from the corner and sees the farmer's hat Paul gave her. She puts it aside, not sure what to do with it.

EXT. PAUL'S BACKYARD - DAY Paul looks around his newly landscaped yard. It looks more abandoned than revived.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - NIGHT The family has their last supper - before Joni leaves. NIC Did you pack that lamp I gave you? JONI Yeah. NIC Well, we can always get stuff up there, too, if you need it, I mean if the room's dark or you need extra bedding. JONI I'm not going to Siberia, mom. Jules looks at the family unit, misty. JULES I ca n't believe this is our last dinner together. LASER Oh God, are you gon na cry? Jules looks at her son, fed up. JULES I wish you were gay. You'd be so much more sensitive. The doorbell rings. JONI It's probably Sasha. I'll get it. Joni runs to the door. Opens it. It's not Sasha. It's Paul. JONI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- -LRB- shocked. -RRB- What are you doing here? PAUL I needed to talk to you before you left. JONI There's nothing to talk about. PAUL I just want to apologize again for what happened. I ca n't tell you how much I regret it.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - SAME Joni walks out for privacy, closes the door behind her. JONI So like, everything that happened between us. What was that? Was that just bullshit?! PAUL No, it was n't bullshit at all. I know I do n't seem credible right now but I really care about you. Paul struggles to keep his emotions in check. PAUL -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- and I just hope someday we'll be able to see each other again. Do you think that could maybe happen? JONI I do n't know. Joni looks down welling up. JONI -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- I just wish you could've been. PAUL What? Joni chokes back tears. JONI Better. Paul and Joni look up at each other when the door suddenly flings open. Nic is there, fuming. NIC You've got some balls, mister! PAUL Nic, hold on. Nic walks toward he and Joni. Joni ducks back inside. NIC No, you hold on! Let me tell you something, you really hurt my kids! PAUL Well, they're kinda my. NIC -LRB- cutting him off. -RRB- No! They're not. This is not your family. This is my family! You're just a fucking interloper. Jules joins Nic, concerned things are getting out of hand. PAUL I did n't mean to hurt anyone. Paul and Jules share a look as Nic deals the coup de grace. NIC If you want a family so much, go out and make one of your own! Nic heads back inside and slams the door behind her. Paul stand alone, spinning. After a moment he spontaneously looks back into the house. Laser is staring at him through the window. Their eyes lock and Paul give Laser a contrite smile. That's the final straw for Laser. He grabs his plate and walks out of view. Reeling, Paul heads for his motorcycle. He gets on the bike, helmet in hand. Turns on the ignition. He picks up the helmet and pauses, shaking in the hell of his own making. Losing it, he hurls the helmet at the motorcycle.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - TV ROOM - THAT NIGHT Laser, Joni and Nic watch `` Locked Up Abroad'' Jules walks in front of them, picks up the remote and turns off the TV. JULES I need to say something. Everyone sits up. Jules acts stoic but she's wrecked. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Look, it's no big secret your mom and are in hell right now. Bottom line. marriage is hard. really fucking hard. Just two people, slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing. It's a fucking marathon, okay?! Everyone is silenced by the outpouring. Jules soldiers on. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- So sometimes you're together so long, you just stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk. And instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails, and act grubby and make stupid choices. Which is what I did. And I feel sick about it because I love you guys and I love your mom and that's the truth. Sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most. I do n't know why. Maybe if I read more Russian novels I would. Nic looks down, overwhelmed by it all. JULES -LRB- CONT'D. -RRB- Anyway, I just wanted to say how sorry I am about what I did and that I hope you'll forgive me eventually. -LRB- awkward. -RRB- Thank you. And, without further ado, Jules hands the remote back to Laser and departs the field. Everyone's silenced by Jules' rambling apologia, especially Nic.

INT. JONI'S ROOM - MORNING Joni wakes up. She looks around her room. There's nothing on the walls. The floor is covered with boxes taped and labeled. It's time to go.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY Nic and Jules stuff the last of Joni's things in the back of their station wagon. Laser and Joni bring the last of the boxes out of the house.

INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - DAY The Allgoods are on the road, heading to college.

EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY - ESTABLISHING The station wagon passes through the campus.

INT. STATION WAGON - DAY As they drive past buildings and dorms, Joni sees STUDENTS swarming the campus. She takes it all in, nervous, excited. Nic and Jules steal looks back at Joni, feeling her nervousness, wishing they could take it away.

EXT. STREET - DAY The Allgoods pull up to the curb, get out. Laser piles Joni's boxes on his skateboard.

EXT. FRONT OF DORM - DAY Laser dollies Joni's boxes though the corridor and while Joni and the moms follow behind.

INT. DORM ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Nic and Jules follow Joni to the door. They all jam up at the threshold. JONI Guys, it's okay. I got it. Nic and Jules get the hint. They move back and Joni enters the room alone. Nic and Jules quietly turn and leave.

INT. JONI'S DORM ROOM - BEDROOM - LATER Joni stands among her bags and boxes looking around. She goes into her suitcase and pulls out her linens. She starts making her bed but suddenly stops mid way. She stares out toward the hallway. Finally she moves to the doorway and looks out. She realizes her family is n't there.

EXT. DORM BUILDING - DAY Joni exits, looking around to find her family. The station wagon is gone. She looks panicked. Her pace quickens as she makes her way down a hill toward the road. Finally Joni sees the Volvo heading towards her. The car pulls over to the curb and everyone gets out. Joni looks vulnerable. She tries to cover it. JONI Where'd you go?! NIC We had to move the car. JONI I thought you left. JULES We would n't leave without saying goodbye. NIC Give us some credit. And suddenly, everyone realizes. this is it. It's time to say goodbye. First Laser comes up and hugs Joni. LASER It's gon na be weird not having you at home. JONI Sorry to leave you alone with them. LASER It's okay. I can handle it. Laser backs up. Then the moms both come up and hug Joni, tears streaming down their faces. JONI Guys, come on. -LRB- beat. -RRB- Look, I'll talk to you soon. Joni tries to detach from the hug. But her moms wo n't let go. They keep holding her and crying. Slowly, their tears begin to break Joni down. Trapped in their loving embrace, Joni's feelings rise up, unbidden, overpowering her. She starts crying. The moms hold her tighter, which makes her cry even harder. Soon she's sobbing in her mothers' arms, as all the pressure, resentment and anger she's felt starts seeping out of her. Nic and Jules feel their daughter letting go. They hold her tight to comfort her. They keep holding her until a calm sets in. The hug breaks apart. Nic pushes the hair from Joni's face. Joni gives her moms one last smile. Laser, Jules and Nic get back in the car. Joni stands watching as they drive off and her new life begins.

INT. STATION WAGON - DAY The family drives home. Jules is at the wheel. Nic's in the passenger seat, eyes red and puffy. Laser's in the back. No one speaks, everyone's lost in their own worlds. Finally Laser breaks the spell. LASER I do n't think you guys should break up. A long beat. NIC No? Why's that? LASER I think you're too old. Both Nic and Jules crack smiles. Their son's rudeness is unsurpassed. But then his words have an unexpected gravity. NIC Thanks, Laser. Jules, disarmed and slightly smiling, reaches over and puts her hand on Nic's leg. She gives it a gentle squeeze and does n't let go. Nic looks over to Jules, finally disarmed. Nic reaches for Jules' hand and holds it tight. Nic and Jules look at each other, and then away. Laser watches his moms holding hands from the back seat. Their small gesture is what he needed. He smiles to himself, grateful for a sign. FADE OUT THE END

Summary: Nic (Annette Bening) and Jules (Julianne Moore) are a married same-sex couple living in the Los Angeles area. Nic is an obstetrician and Jules is a housewife who is starting a landscape design business. Each has given birth to a child using the same sperm donor. The younger child Laser (Josh Hutcherson) wants to find his biological father, but has to be 18 to do so. He implores his 18-year-old sister, Joni (Mia Wasikowska), to contact the sperm bank, which identifies Paul (Mark Ruffalo) as the donor. When the three meet, Joni is impressed by Paul's bohemian lifestyle, and Paul becomes enthusiastic about being in their lives. Joni swears her brother to secrecy as she does not want to upset their mothers. However, Jules and Nic find out and invite Paul over to dinner. When Jules reveals she has a landscape business, Paul asks her to transform his back garden. Jules agrees, although Nic does not like the idea. While working for Paul, Jules is aware that he appreciates her work, unlike Nic who, Jules feels, never supported her career. After Jules impulsively kisses Paul one afternoon, they end up in bed together and start an affair. Jules and the kids start spending more time with Paul. Nic believes Paul undermines her authority over the children by, for example, giving Joni a ride on his motorcycle—which Nic has forbidden—and by suggesting she give Joni more freedom. After a heated argument with Jules, Nic suggests they all have dinner at Paul's house to ease the tension. Nic relaxes and for the first time connects with Paul. However, Nic discovers traces of Jules's hair in Paul's bathroom and bedroom. When they return home, Nic confronts Jules. At first, Jules denies it but then admits to the affair. Nic is devastated, but Jules assures her she is not in love with Paul and has not turned straight; she just wanted to be appreciated. Joni and Laser overhear the argument and are upset at Jules. The household becomes tense and Jules is forced to sleep on the couch. Paul thinks he has fallen in love with Jules and suggests she leave Nic, bring the kids, and come live with him. Jules declines, disgusted with Paul's lack of understanding about her sexuality. The night before Joni leaves home to attend college, Paul turns up at the house. Nic angrily confronts him and tells him if he wants a family so much, he should make one of his own. Rejected, Paul watches Laser from outside the window, trying to get his attention, but Laser ignores him. Later that night, Jules tearfully admits her errors to her family and begs their forgiveness. The next morning, the family drives Joni to college. While Nic and Jules hug Joni goodbye, they also affectionately touch each other. During the ride home, Laser tells his mothers that they should not break up because they are too old. Jules and Nic giggle, and the film ends with them smiling at each other and holding hands.