Hazing is a real problem at the University of Oregon. When I was a pledge, at the house formerly known as Beta Theta Pi, I was subjected to many cruel and unusual punishments and activities. You could say these activities made me into "more of a man", but in the end I now live with an immense fear of squirrels. 

The most traumatizing activity was the hell week scavenger hunt. We were givin a list of things to bring to the house and then told what to do with them once we got there. I was given the task of obtaining a squirrel. So I went out and bought some nuts to lure my squirrel brethren from their cozy tree bungalows. After a chess-like game of cat and mouse I eventually caught the little rascal. 

Once I brought him into the house, all the brothers cheered and I thought that was the end of my road as a pledge, but oh was I wrong. They then brought me into the basement and instructed me to poop on said squirrel. It penetrated my scrotum and took my nuts home to his fam. Rush Beta:/

Labels: moderation: safe