Most of which was spent bug - eyed and spazzed out , in my fear of not letting on , and in generalized disappointment that the pork chop was not knocking my socks off after it was pointed out that I was hardly touching it . I was banking it looked like the scotch hit me wonky ( it did not , I promise ; I was compelled to order an Oban which became a calming dessert ) . Every time the roach tried to climb up onto our table -- AND HE WAS A CONSISTENT MOFO -- I 'd send a sacrificial spoon or a butter knife flailing towards the wall to knock him back .

Question: Why did the pork chop disappoint them so much ?
Answer: Because they are full and they want to eat it .Because they are out of salt and pepper .Because the pork chop is n't burned .Because they thought it was going to taste good .