He was a part of me in a way I would never know while living . And here , in the distorted heaven projected around me , I finally could . And damn if the words did n't make tears sting in my eyes . I would have been embarrassed , but I think I was past all that .

Question: Why was I past all that ?
Answer: Crying in public is really nothing to be ashamed of .I was too concerned about what a neighbor might say and could n't bear it .I was mentally illMy tear ducts would n't work .